“...Yeah.” Budgy nodded, it was minimal, no colors over the entire face or anything like that, but it was still there, “What about it?”

“Did you win?” Budgy asked with a small chuckle.

“Do you remember when we were that tiny? What’s the earliest memory you have?” Dorcas started to reminisce. “I remember playing with my birth mom’s hair. She’d set me down and give me a bottle, I don’t know why she did so— maybe she thought I was hungry or maybe it was because she had to go— but I do remember throwing my bottle at her.” 

Dorcas shrugged. “It’s very likely that that was a dream and not a memory, but I’ve always considered it a memory. It was my way of telling my mother that I did not like milk. Still don’t,” she laughed to lighten the mood.

“Not quite that tiny, but I definitely remember being pretty small.” Budgy nodded, unsure of exactly what to say when Dorcas started talking about her own memories of being small, emotions had never been something that they had been all too good with, “First thing I remember is pretty embarrassing, so.” They chuckled awkwardly, “Or at least I think it’s my first memory, my timeline that early on is pretty shaky.”

“I mean I have many plans, but most are absolute shit, and James has been mia lately so I’m out of touch,” Sirius frowned. Sure he understood it, they had all been a bit out of touch with the death of the Potter’s, but he had hoped they’d grow stronger from it. The frown quickly vanished as he pulled a Stretch Armstrong toy from the pile. “What the hell can I do with this thing? What is this even and why do you have it?” 

“I just thought he was funny.” Budgy shrugged, they probably should clean out all the weird shit they had managed to accumulate over the years that they didn’t actually care about, but they had never actually gotten around to it, most of the stuff just ending up stuffed in bins or in their parents’ attic just to be out of the way, “Can’t say I’m all too much help with plans or with James, unfortunately, neither are really what I’d call my area of expertise.”

“where do you - find out when she is holding a lecture?” regulus still isn’t even sure where to look for such information; it had been so ingrained in him to not question, not seek out viewpoints that differed from his parents - he hasn’t the slightest where to find those, other than books and people like budgy. “i think i would like to go to one, once i’ve read some more.”

“Usually she speaks at universities, I haven’t been too good at paying attention to what’s coming up lately, though, so.” They had been busy lately with band stuff and therefore hadn’t had much time to spend on the other stuff they cared about.

“alright,” he notes that, scratching out a word and replacing it with another as he tries to best word it in a way he’ll still understand once his shift is up and he can go fetch the books. not being able to comprehend his own thoughts is a regular enough occurrence that regulus takes extra care to make sure it won’t happen this time.

a flash of recognition crosses his face at that name, and he writes it down as well. “i, uhm. i tried to read some of her things when i was younger,” tried being the operative word. it had been all too confusing, branching off and mentioning topics he had never heard about before as though they were common knowledge; it had left him feeling adrift and even further than understanding than he had been when he started. at least now he has what to read before appel, and he hopes it will make understanding the words a little easier.

“Oh, heh, yeah.” Budgy chuckled as he mentioned having tried to read something of her’s before, pushing their hair back out of their face sheepishly, “She’s honestly hard to understand even if you do understand all the jargon and concepts that she never really explains, actually,” They brightened slightly as they remembered something, “She does lectures occasionally and those usually end up being a lot better, she’s pretty good about answering questions if you ask, usually you end up on another topic entirely for a while but she definitely will explain, just not without prompting.”

Dorcas stood up and placed her hands on her hips, “Um, you know…I don’t really know. Laura might’ve told me but I zoned out.” She leaned down to peek at the child’s shirt tag. No name. “Let’s call her Laura. She looks like a Laura, doesn’t she?”

“Can’t say I know enough about kids to know if she’d actually know what her name is, so I suppose it might not matter.” Budgy mused for a moment, smiling at the baby before looking back up at Dorcas, “I’d certainly say so, yeah.”

“thank you.” it’s easier to be distrusted than it is to be believed. it feels far more right, at least. more like something he deserves. perhaps that’s overly self-flagellating. wondering that makes him feel guilty, too, and he instead clears his throat and starts writing names down in his careful, even handwriting. blishwick - on the relations of muggles and the wizarding world. runcorn - be cautious, especially post 1850s. charity burbage. the more they speak the faster he tries to write, trying to note nuances alongside the names and titles. it’s a lot. it’s going to be a lot. he knew that before even starting, lying in bed and eavesdropping on his parents in the hall and wishing he were anywhere but 12 grimmauld place.

he’s out, now. he won’t need to hide these books beneath his mattress and hope they never find them. “alright. so i - i should be cautious on what i read of runcorn, then, right?” pale eyes glance up to look at budgy with only a bit of confusion in his gaze.

"Basically, yeah, he had a lot of important ideas but he was also a weird old man who by the end of his life probably actually had more bad ideas than good." They nodded, in an absolutely perfect world they wouldn't want to give him any attention at all, but especially for someone just getting started he explained a lot of things pretty well that a lot of other writers ended up taking as known already by the reader.

"There is also...Appel, Lyra Appel, she can be a bit harder to understand first read through, honestly she can be a bit incoherent at times, reads very stream of consciousness, but pretty much anything she's written she'll go off on some tangent and rant about something Runcorn's said, so she is actually pretty good to read after him to help pick out his worse ideas."

“i know it doesn’t,” he assures quickly, trying not to trip over the words in his haste to get them out. he doesn’t expect to be absolved by budgy - if anything, he had expected a far more unkind reaction than the one he has received thus far. “oh. yeah,” regulus reaches over to the desk the till is on, pulling a quill and a spare shred of parchment that is half-doodled to himself. “i - ready.” as he’ll ever be, he supposes.

Budgy nodded as they tried to remind Regulus that his youth was an important thing to keep in mind as well as what he used to be like and it seemed he took a reminder that he fucked up and couldn't be forgiven entirely immediately.

"You're trying now, though, so, or at least trying to look like you're trying, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt." Budgy somehow managed to be both relatively trusting and entirely untrusting at the same time, though they were trying to assume the best of Regulus. 

"Well, I can't remember everything I mentioned before exactly, but, back in my early twenties I was telling just about everyone to read Blishwick. Just about anything by her is good, maybe start with On the Relations of Muggles and the Wizarding World, that's probably the best introduction, there's also Runcorn, he set up most of the foundation of modern muggle rights thought, though modern's relative, so his writing can get a bit hard to read just with age, plus he was pretty sexist, and racist, and anti-semitic, and anything he wrote past the 1850's is honestly just nonsense, he got wrapped up in all these conspiracy theories and it was a whole mess and-" They stopped themself, Regulus probably didn't want to hear a whole rant about what some old dead dude got up to in his later years even if they found it all very entertaining, "Well, Charity Burbage has also written some excellent essays, not quite the same thing but she is very good about commenting on current topics."

closed starter for @budgyscamander​ 

“I mean, it’s not ideal, but this is more of a pickle,” Sirius admitted. 

“A pickle’s one way to put it, yeah...” Budgy was silent for a moment as they looked over everything in front of them, “You don’t happen to have a plan do you? Cause I’ll be honest, I came in with nothing.”

never too late. it’s a sentiment that is both abundant and hard to come by, somehow. it seems all the people he thinks shouldn’t think that do, and vice versa. regulus tugs at an earlobe and smiles at them while feeling a little too hopeful. “still,” he shrugs with one shoulder and does his best to ignore the nagging feeling that he doesn’t deserve any sort of second chance - especially not from budgy, who’d tried to hard for so long to make him see the world a different way. “right. speaking of - would you be able to write some of those titles down for me?” he gets a discount at the shop, and might as well use it for something good.

"Yeah, 'still', doesn't let you off the hook or anything, but it's important to remember," They had seen something in Regulus back then, something that had made them hopeful, something they'd come to worry that perhaps they might have simply imagined when some distance came, but were glad to learn hadn't been when they heard he'd distanced himself from their shared family, and was only confirmed more now that they were actually speaking, "Yeah, you got anything to write with?"

it’s easier not to approach people he thinks must hate him. sirius is difficult to speak with, still, and they’re…working on it. those he hasn’t even begun trying with? the thought of it is exhausting. still - budgy deserves better than regulus sinking away from them, back into the shelves of the store and trying to act like they aren’t there. “i’m sorry,” he blurts out, very suddenly, “for never taking you up on those readings.” maybe if he’d tried harder to understand the theory and rhetoric budgy offered, he would have seen things differently sooner.

Budgy blinked, surprised at the sudden apology, not having really expected it, but definitely glad that Regulus was at a point now where it was something he thought to do.

"You were a kid, I get it." In hindsight perhaps they should have done better to remember that Regulus was seven years younger than them back then, or that not everyone found reading that sort of stuff fun, "Though, hey, its never too late."

budgy​ | @budgyscamander​ : ❝ Who else is here? I heard you talking. ❞

Dorcas had been reluctant at first. This had to have been the most difficult task to come across her desk. She sighed, “Fine, but only for a few hours and just this time. Do not make a habit of this.” And so, she spent the day carrying around her co-worker’s 8 month old baby girl. Neither Dorcas nor the child seemed too ecstatic over this— at first.

A few screaming matches later, and Dorcas learned that the child preferred being down on the ground, where they could sit and explore on their own. ‘What an independent little monster you are,’ she thought. “Okay, look at this.” Dorcas waved her wand. One of the child’s dolls came to life and danced circles around her. “See, isn’t that something?”

Dorcas looked up. “I’ve adopted a child,” she joked before bursting into laughter. “Ha, can you imagine me with a baby!? We’d drive each other insane! I’m only watching her for a bit. What’s up?”

"I was about to fucking say," Budgy laughed, leaning against the entryway to the room and smiling down at the baby. She did like kids, really they loved kids, but they absolutely would not be able to stand having a kid around constantly like that, "What's her name?" With that they moved into the room properly, squatting down to be closer eye level with the both of them, "Oh yeah, I put a pick down somewhere but I can't find it, thought it was on the kitchen table, but."

“good,” it’s an immediate reply, the sort he has taught himself to give when asked how he is. it’s easier to say good than it is to try and parse his own feelings out about any given situation. it’s how it has been for a long time; claiming to be one thing while truly feeling another. “fine, i mean. how are you?” the words are said carefully. regulus isn’t sure where he stands with budgy anymore. they had rarely gotten along before and during the war - diametrically opposed - but now that is over. now regulus doesn’t live at grimmauld place anymore. now he has a job at a bookstore like a member of a family not part of the sacred 28. he wonders if his face has been burned off the tapestry yet.

Budgy gave Regulus a look at his near immediate reply, especially given how little his demeanor backed up such an immediate positive answer, and then, of course, when he ended up changing it to a much more neutral answer. 

“You seem to be doing better, yeah, and I’m fine enough.” They hadn’t expected any sort of particularly deep reply from him, really, though after they had attempted to reach out to him before they did have to admit they had hoped he might have come to them when he figured it out, though they did suppose they perhaps didn’t do the most amazing job of it back when they were both younger.