[james blunt voice] goodbye my lovers

Good luck, cowboy.

This guy… he does NOT get women, and women do NOT get him. You know? They just had a— you know, they butt heads like crazy. And…and he does not get sex, you know? Sex is the thing that’s really weird. You know? ‘Cause the last time he made sex with a girl it was, like, gross, dude. It was just super-gross. And she found him to be gross and the whole thing was just gross. And then she, you know, later on… she said, “Oh, I have a kid now and it’s your kid.” And  he was, like, ready to raise this kid. And he was like, “I don’t even know if… I don’t even know if I had sex right to have a kid.” You know? ‘Cause it was so gross. And just cold and wet and just gross. And, like, every time he thinks about sex he gets a little sick, you know what I mean? 

What if spiderman didn't live in new york city and he lived in the country instead. He'd have nothing to swing from. He'd just be a man crawling in a field.