Rach Barnes

Steve:

He realizes now, what it was about the way that Bucky always looked at him. Steve used to find it intimidating but heady, said that it made him feel wanted, vulnerable, made him feel very seen. “Nobody’s ever looked at me the way that you do,” he’d admitted to Bucky, privately enjoying it.

Now he knows what it was. Bucky was looking at him like prey. He was looking at him like food.

He still stares at Steve, mostly while Steve is eating. Bucky brings all of his meals down to the basement on plastic cafeteria trays. He feeds Steve well: high quality meals made from scratch, juice with breakfast, wine with dinner. Dessert. Steve can’t complain about the food.

But it’s how Bucky sits there and watches him eating it that really gets to Steve. He stares so raptly as Steve consumes what Bucky’s made for him, it’s almost like he gets off on it.

“Explain it to me then,” Steve says, after he’s called Bucky out on the behavior and asked him what’s up.

Bucky actually flushes and looks a little embarrassed. “I just like it,” he says.

"Eating," Steve says, deadpan.

“Seeing you consume something that you need. It’s ... carnal. It’s personal, intimate.”

Steve narrows his eyes and takes an aggressive bite out of his Reuben. “You’d better not be sneaking me mystery meats,” he warns, talking around his mouthful. “Bucky.”

“No, it’s not that,” Bucky says, sighing. “It’s just, I dunno. Seeing you take something I’ve made for you, seeing you accept it and … take it into yourself.” His gaze drifts off as he thinks about it. “Your mouth working, your expression as you taste it, savor it. Seeing the pleasure you get from the flavors, watching you swallow, when you lick your lips …”

Steve scowls, because that’s weird. Not that there aren’t plenty of ‘weird’ things about Bucky. “I don’t get it,” he says.

Bucky sighs and leans over to pluck a potato chip off Steve’s plate. He pops it into his mouth and crunches. “Why do some people have a thing for feet? Or leather? Or Balloons?”

"Balloons?" Steve echoes dryly.

"Yeah, it's a thing." Bucky shrugs. “Weird shit like that. It doesn’t make sense. It just is.”

“... So you’re saying it’s a fetish.”

“No. Not exactly.” Bucky huffs. “It’s just something I feel. I feel good when I watch you eat what I've given you. Why does it have to be complicated?”

“Well it doesn’t, but …” Steve scrutinizes him, suspicious. “Would you feel even more turned on if I was eating human in front of you?”

Bucky’s face goes tight and he looks away, not answering.

“Fuck.” Steve gapes at him. “You would. You totally would!”

“Well we’ve established that you’re a vegetarian, so why are you talking about it?” Bucky says testily. “Eat your sandwich.”

Steve scoffs but he does grab his sandwich back up, taking a huge bite and chewing it harshly on purpose. He swallows and sees Bucky’s eyes glued to his throat. “Fuck,” he says again. “You do. You get off on it.” He’s made Bucky uncomfortable. The other man almost looks ashamed, sitting there on the floor and avoiding Steve’s gaze. Steve’s made him feel bad about it. Something regretful twinges in his chest. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “I didn’t mean to kink shame you.”

Bucky’s eyes snap back up. “It’s not a kink,” he growls, getting to his feet. “Aren’t I just allowed to enjoy looking at you? You're supposed to be my boyfriend.” He snatches up the tray of food and leaves, shutting the cell door behind him.

"Hey!" Steve squawks. He hears Bucky stomping up the stairs, hears the beep of the keypad, the door opening and shutting, then nothing. Alone again, he pouts at having lost his lunch. “... I wasn’t done with that.”

Bucky:

“I need a shower.”

Bucky has just come into the room to collect Steve’s dinner tray. He pauses and sets the tray back down. He stares at Steve long and hard. “Are you gonna be good?”

Steve is quick to nod. “Yeah.” He’s sitting on his mattress, looking small and innocent, even has his hands folded in his lap.

And even though Bucky knows, logically, that the kid is probably thinking about ways to murder him 80% of the time, Steve’s small frame and timid behavior still sway him. He has feelings for Steve, after all. It’s killing him to keep him down here all deprived, no affection or attention. He misses his boyfriend. He wants things to go back to the way they were. But he also knows he can’t be too trusting, too soon.

“Okay,” he says, eyes narrowed on Steve for a long minute, but eventually softening. “Sorry,” he says, going over to unhook Steve’s cuff from the chain. “There isn’t a shower or anything down here.” He can’t risk it, with the women. There would be too many ways for them to try to hurt themselves. He’s got an area where he hoses them off and sanitizes their bodies, once he’s got them unconscious for surgery, but he sure as hell isn’t going to do that to Steve. “Carlo is putting a nicer bathroom in your new room,” he tells him. "It'll have everything you need."

Steve glances over at his current room’s prison issue combination toilet-sink. “Sweet,” he says.

Bucky’s unsure if he’s being sarcastic or not. He hooks Steve’s cuffs together and leads him into the hallway. He grabs him and steers him by the back of the neck. “Be good,” he warns again, and they make their way upstairs.

Steve’s eyes are flicking around, looking everywhere and taking in as much of his surroundings as he can. Bucky sees him eyeing the knife block in the kitchen, sees him clocking all the windows and doors. So he moves him along quickly, going back to the bedroom. At the doorway into the master bath, he pulls Steve back by the hips and whispers in his ear, “I know what you’re doing. Quit it.”

Steve shivers under his touch. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Bucky kisses his ear and gives him a nudge forward into the bathroom. “You’re scheming,” he says. “Think I can’t see that?”

Steve stays quiet. He isn’t facing him, so Bucky can’t see what his reaction is to being called out on it. But he bets Steve’s panicking a little in his head right now. This is the first time he’s been let out of his room, after all. Bucky starts the water warming in the shower and unlocks the restraints from his wrists. “These have to go back on, after,” he warns gently. “Okay?”

“Okay.” Steve turns for the shower, but Bucky stops him.

“Hang on. Let it warm up first.” He pulls Steve back against him, wraps one large arm around his waist and brings the other hand up to his neck. He searches out his artery with two fingers. Sure enough, his pulse is rapid. “Calm down,” he soothes. “Your heart’s beating so fast right now.”

Steve gulps, and Bucky feels that under his hand as well. “Sorry,” he whispers. “I’m nervous.”

“Nothing to be nervous about. Unless you’re planning to act up.” Bucky runs his lips over the shell of Steve’s ear. “Are you planning to act up?”

“N-no.” His breath hitches audibly when Bucky starts rubbing over his stomach, fingers dipping under his tee shirt to get at bare skin. “Bucky,” he breathes. “What are you doing?”

“You have to take your clothes off, if you’re gonna get a shower,” he murmurs. He feels Steve tense, and tuts at him. “I’ve seen you naked before, Honey.”

“I …” Steve’s throat clicks as he swallows. “I know. It’s just … it’s different now.”

“Why? Didn’t I tell you, Steve? I’m still me. You’re still you.” He kisses Steve’s ear as his hands migrate over his belly, up to his chest, back down over his ribcage. “I still know what you like. Still know what makes you feel good.” Steve whines and Bucky gives him an affectionate squeeze at the waist. “I miss touching you,” he admits. “Don’t you miss it?” Steve shivers in his arms, not saying yes but not pulling away either. Bucky knows he must be terribly conflicted, so he reassures him, “It’s gonna be okay, Stevie. I promise.”

Steve doesn’t speak. He shirks away from the next kiss Bucky tries to place on him. That stings, but Bucky tries not to be too disappointed. He knows there’s damage to repair. So with a sigh he releases him and takes a step back to give him space. “Go ahead. There’s shampoo and stuff on the shelf.”

“But, aren’t you gonna ...”

“I’m staying right here,” Bucky says firmly. “Can’t leave you alone, Steve.”

Steve’s face pinks up but he nods. He isn’t meeting Bucky’s eyes anymore. Bucky feels sad for him as he watches him undress, clearly embarrassed. They’ve already been so intimate with one another, Bucky wishes Steve could just relax, but he’s obviously struggling. He hesitates once he’s down to just his underwear, thumbs hooked in the elastic waistband and peeking up to see if Bucky’s watching.

Bucky’s heart pulls in sympathy. He goes over to him. “Here. Let me help.” He pulls the underwear down slowly but he doesn’t look away from Steve’s face as he does it. They stare at each other. He lets them fall. “Step out,” he says softly. Steve does, looking almost pained now that he’s bared. Bucky traces a thumb along his cheek. “You don’t have to be shy with me.”

“Bucky,” Steve shudders, “I—”

Bucky surges forward impulsively, grabbing Steve’s jaw and pressing their bodies together, kissing him, hard. It feels so good, is such a relief after the tension and turmoil of the past week. He kisses him roughly just that once, then pauses with their foreheads touching, lips brushing together. “Oh, Steve,” he sighs, half complaint, half desire. He wants Steve to want him, to want them, again. Bucky doesn’t want to go without him anymore. He pecks a series of gentler kisses on his lips, lingering a little bit longer each time. Steve stiffens for only a second before he melts under it and his lips part and he begins to kiss back. Bucky hums in approval, licking into his mouth. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “Missed this. Missed you.” He threads a hand into Steve’s hair and tugs against his waist with the other, pulling him flush against his body. “Sweet boy.”

“Wait,” Steve gasps, squirming in his arms. Bucky keeps going though, and Steve whines into his mouth, pleasured despite himself. His eyes slip closed for the barest of moments, but he realizes what he’s doing and still tries to stop. “Bucky, ugh. Wait, wait, no-”

Bucky just keeps kissing him coaxingly, thrilling each time Steve forgets to fight and a little sound of pleasure escapes him. Steve turns his head away and Bucky’s lips slide against his cheek. “Let me,” he breathes. “Don’t you want it? How long’s it been for you?” He lets one hand trail down, cupping Steve between his legs. He’s not hard, but he’s not soft, either. “Bet you haven’t touched yourself this whole time, huh? Haven’t had any relief. Poor baby.”

Steve shows a surprising amount of strength when he pushes against Bucky’s chest. “I can’t,” he says. “Bucky, we can’t.”

“Says who?” Bucky pulls his shirt off in one smooth motion, smirking when he sees how Steve’s eyes rove over his naked chest. Even now, he can’t help but to look, and Bucky gloats over it. “Yeah,” he says smugly, hands going for his fly. “You still want it.” He shucks his pants and his briefs, but once he’s naked it seems to shake Steve out of his staring and he goes back to protesting weakly,

“Wait, no. Bucky stop-”

Bucky backs him up into the shower, the spray falling over them, soaking them. Steve’s back hits the shower wall and he squeaks. Bucky crowds in against him, smirking. “Don’t know why you get so worked up,” he murmurs, grabbing at his hips, fingers digging into the sides of his ass. Bucky curses quietly at the feeling of having him under his hands again. “Christ, this sweet little body, so fucking perfect.”

Steve whimpers and pushes weakly against him, but he’s squirming more than he’s fighting, giving Bucky token protests that only turn him on more. “Don’t,” he says, panting as Bucky starts necking at him. “Oh-”

“Mmhm.” Bucky licks the water from his skin, places hot, sucking kisses all over his neck. “Taste so good, Sweetheart.”

Steve groans and pushes harder against him, resisting. “Stop. We can’t do this.”

“Sure we can,” Bucky says, scraping his teeth over where he’s been kissing, relishing the tiny gasps and responses that Steve can’t seem to help. “Feels good, doesn’t it?”

His little body keeps arching, pushing up against Bucky’s larger frame, his hands flying around as if he doesn’t know what to do with them. One second he’s pushing, the next he’s digging his fingers into the meat of Bucky’s arms and shoulders, his back. He makes the sweetest sounds.

Bucky growls and nips at his neck. “Yeah,” he husks, shoving a thigh between Steve’s legs and pushing; pushing him against the wall and pushing up. Steve’s cock is hard against him. “Missed you, sweet boy,” he murmurs against slicked-wet skin. He cradles Steve’s hip and his jaw, moving against him, rubbing his own aching dick against Steve’s belly. “Missed making you feel good.”

“Bucky,” Steve whimpers, squirming against him.

“Shh.” Bucky finds his mouth again and slides their lips together. “Don’t fight me. Let Daddy make you feel good, hm?”

Steve groans when Bucky’s hand closes around his cock. “Ah! Oh …”

“Mmhm, just like that, huh? Just gotta get you warmed up, don’t I?” He works his fist up and down Steve’s cock, everything slick from the water rushing down on them. Bucky presses his leg up more, almost lifting Steve to his toes with it.

Steve squeaks and grabs onto him, nails digging in sharply at Bucky’s shoulders. “Oh!”

Bucky grins. He’s panting against the side of Steve’s face as he jerks him off. When Steve finally looses an uninhibited moan, Bucky moans too. “Fuck, Honey,” he breathes, “That’s what I like to hear.” He seals their mouths together in another harsh kiss. “Don’t hold back,” he tells him. “Let me hear all those pretty sounds.”

Steve’s working for it now, rolling his spine and thrusting his cock into Bucky’s fist, rocking on his thigh in a beautiful display. Bucky’s dick throbs at the sight and he reaches for himself, too, starts stripping it at a ruthless pace. “Come on,” he husks, nudging their faces together as they both look down at what he’s doing. “You close? We’re gonna cum together. You want that? Come on.”

He jerks them harder, and soon Steve cries out sharply and starts to pulse in Bucky’s hand. He shoots off, grunting little, “Ah ah ahs” as he rides it out.

It’s gorgeous and Bucky growls in approval, the sight of Steve’s slim body shaking, of his cum coating Bucky’s hand, setting him off into his own orgasm. “Shit,” he hisses. He slams his eyes shut and shoves his face into Steve’s shoulder, squeezing his dick hard as he comes, feeling it in his balls, so good.

He’s left panting, Steve’s wrung out body in his arms, the water still beating down on them and washing away the traces of their cum. “Baby,” he breathes. Steve is still catching his breath. When Bucky pulls back to check on him, he looks dazed. “Stevie,” Bucky murmurs, cupping his face. He strokes his thumb along his temple, searching out his eyes. “Hey, you okay?”

Steve exhales shakily and squirms in his arms, evasive. “Yeah,” he says, “I’m fine.” He’s pulling, so Bucky lets him go. For a second it looks like he might fall down from legs gone to jelly, but he firms himself up and turns away.

“... Steve-”

“I have to wash,” he says quietly, voice still affected from what they’ve done. Bucky watches as he grabs the soap and starts to lather his hands up, pointedly facing away from Bucky, the muscles in his little back tense.

“It’s okay, Steve,” Bucky tries to comfort him, but Steve remains how he is.

“Could you just give me a minute alone, please?” he asks quietly. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

Bucky frowns, but he obliges. There’s nothing in the shower that Steve can hurt himself with. “Okay,” he murmurs, brushing his knuckles over the top of Steve’s ass as he passes. “I’ll get you a towel. Take all the time you need, Sweetheart.” He’s disappointed that Steve’s clamming up on him again, but he figures the poor thing has a lot to process. Bucky won’t rush him.

They’ve got all the time in the world.

Steve:

Carlo’s been over every day, making a racket with power tools. The air in the basement smells like plaster dust. Steve doesn’t like it.

Bucky shows up and says, “Steve. I have to talk to you about something.”

Well that doesn’t sound good.

Steve feels apprehension fill him as he watches Bucky trail into the room, looking glum. He sits himself down on the metal stool by the vanity. Steve marks the page in the book he’s reading—War and Peace, this time. “What’s up?”

“I’m going to the city tomorrow.”

Steve perks up. “New York?”

Bucky scratches behind his ear awkwardly. “Um, yeah. Actually, I’ll have to make a few trips this next week or two. More than a few. I’ll have to leave you here on your own.”

“Really?”

Bucky scowls. “Well don’t look so excited about it.”

“What’ll I do for food?” Steve asks, careful to reign his enthusiasm in. “How long are you gonna be gone?”

“I’ll still come home in the evenings,” Bucky tells him. “I’ll get you all set up with meals and loads of snacks in the mornings before I leave.”

Steve knows he should be excited to be getting this chance, but he feels a surprising pang of disappointment when he thinks of being all alone and not getting to see Bucky for so long. It’s sad to say, but Bucky bringing him his meals has become the high point of his days. He thinks that he’ll be terribly bored, without him there. “What are you going for, anyway?” Bucky looks uncomfortable. He hesitates to answer, which makes Steve grow concerned. “Buck? Why are you going back to the city?” He has a bad feeling.

“... Work,” Bucky admits. “I have to get new product.”

Bad feeling confirmed.

Steve’s lips part and he stares for a long moment, replaying what Bucky just said. “What?” Bucky is avoiding looking at him, and Steve gapes. “Is that what you … that’s what you call them?” he asks incredulously. “Product?”

“Steve,” Bucky groans, swiping a hand over his face. “Please don’t be dramatic.”

Steve stares. “Dramatic? Dramatic??”

“You heard me.”

“You’re going into the city to kidnap somebody!” Steve says, scornful. “Somebody to kill!”

“Eventually,” Bucky says, fed up with Steve’s scolding. He boldly stares him down. “I’ll keep her alive until I can’t anymore. The meat stays fresher that way.”

Her, Steve thinks numbly. Bucky already knows it’s a woman he’s going to kidnap.

Steve remembers the sight of the limbless woman in the other cell, remembers how she’d asked Steve to help her, to kill her. He remembers how Bucky had brought him his dinner one night and calmly told him that she was “done.” He’d killed her. The man who’d said and done those terrible things is the same handsome man Steve met in the grocery store. It’s the same man who won Steve over, who made love to him so many times. Who made him fall apart in the shower yesterday.

“You’re a monster,” Steve breathes.

Bucky’s features harden. “That’s relative.”

It’s really not. “How can you do this to people?” Steve asks, outrage growing. God, how could he have let Bucky touch him again?

“These women, Steve. If you only knew.”

“Knew what?” Steve snaps. “What I know is what I saw in that cell. I saw what you did to her.”

“She deserved it,” Bucky says lowly, eyes burning. “They all do.”

“No,” Steve exhales shakily. “No. You’re a killer.” Bucky’s lips thin and his fists ball up. Steve sees this and he shakes his head. Bucky must be like Ted Bundy, he thinks. He must have a burning hatred for the women he kills. “They don’t deserve what you do to them.”

“They do.”

“You’re sick, you know that?! You’re sick.”

Bucky shoots up to standing. He stalks over and Steve scuttles backwards into the corner, scared. But Bucky crouches down and grabs him by the neck. Steve squeaks in alarm. “Don’t talk to me like that,” Bucky hisses, eyes blazing. “I’m your whole fuckin’ world right now. You got that? I control when and if you eat, sleep, bathe. Everything.” He gives him a little shake and Steve whimpers,

“Stop.”

Bucky leans in close, putting his lips right against Steve’s cheek. His next words are spoken softly, an intimate purr that still manages to be menacing. “I control you, Baby. I control everything.” He kisses his cheek. “So behave. Or there'll be consequences.”

Steve swallows heavily, throat working against Bucky’s hand. “Okay,” he breathes. “Okay. I will. I’m sorry.”

Bucky looks him over carefully. He seems satisfied by what he finds, and he softens. “Okay. Good.” He kisses him on the mouth, soft and slow and dominant. Steve can’t do anything but sit there and take it. Bucky hums, darkly pleased, and murmurs right against his lips, “That’s all I ask.”

Steve’s still tense as Bucky stands up and stares down at him, looking haughty at having gotten his submission. He puts a hand on Steve’s head and pets him. “Is there anything you need?”

Steve shakes his head, eyes downcast. “... W-when are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow. I’ll be back in the evening.”

Steve ponders that, wonders what he’d do if the house caught fire with him trapped there, alone. Burn to a crispy critter, he supposes. “What if there’s an emergency?” he asks timidly.

Bucky raises an eyebrow. “Are you planning on having an accident, Steve?”

“No!” Steve can see the consideration in Bucky’s face. He figures there must’ve been others before him who tried to hurt themselves. But that’s not Steve’s endgame. “I’ll be good,” he promises. “I will.”

“Carlo will be in during the day,” Bucky warns. “He’ll let me know if you’re trying to do anything you shouldn’t.”

“Carlo?” Steve gets an unpleasant thrill up his spine at this news. “You’re leaving me alone with him?”

“He’s just going to be working on the other room,” Bucky reassures. “Nothing more.”

“But …” Steve thinks about how Carlo is one of Bucky’s paying customers. That makes him dangerous. And if Bucky isn’t there all day, then … “What if he tries to … to touch me or—” eat me.

“He won’t,” Bucky snaps, voice gone hard again. “He wouldn’t dare. I’d fucking slaughter him if he so much as—” he cuts off, catching himself before he starts going on a murderous rant, probably. “No,” he tells Steve. “No he won’t do a thing to you. He won’t even be able to get in your room.” He holds up the little electronic key fob that Steve knows he uses to open his cell. “He won’t have this.”

Steve shivers and nods. “Okay,” he whispers. Bucky pats his head consolingly and Steve looks down, embarrassed. He can’t help it that he feels reassured by Bucky’s fierce protectiveness of him. Even if it is kind of creepy, he still appreciates that Bucky would be willing to kill for him.

Better the cannibal you know, than the cannibal you don’t.

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it was your racing heart, and the panic that crawled into your body, closing around your heart like a first made of ice.

you tried to calm yourself down, tried to focus on the things your therapist instructed you to think about—you were safe. you were loved. there was nothing to be afraid of.

but it only seemed to get worse, the panic starting to choke you.

“baby?”

his voice felt like an anchor in a storm you thought you couldn’t escape from, rough with sleep but still so goddamn grounding.

“hey, hey, hey. look at me,” he whispered, sitting up instantly when he realized that something was wrong.

“breathe with me. c’mon…”

a deep breath in. a deep breath out.

you concentrated on the way his shoulders moved up and down in that steady rhythm.

he repeated it until you finally calmed down again, your eyes fluttering closed as you sank against your boyfriend’s firm body.

“thank you…” you breathed, not louder than a whisper, nuzzling your nose against his neck.

he wrapped his arms around your smaller frame, pressing you close against him—like he was afraid you would break down if he let you go.

“ain’t no need to thank me, darlin’,” gator muttered back, pressing a soft kiss against your temple, lips lingering there for a few seconds longer than they should.

“tell ya what, we’re gonna need us some fresh air, dont’cha think?” he added, already about to slip out of bed.

you furrowed your brows, clearly upset about the loss of his warmth and proximity.

“w-what? it’s almost 3am, gates,” you pointed out but already moved to follow him.

gator didn’t mind about getting changed, just guided you down the stairs in his flannel pyjama pants and the black shirt he wore.

you, on the other hand, were still wearing that short, thin silk nightgown with a lace trim around the neckline—one of your favourites.

he helped you slip into your shoes before he got into his own, then opened the front door for you.

the fresh night air hit your warm skin immediately, causing you to shiver but gator pushed you softly toward his cruiser, one hand on the small of your back.

“a road trip? seriously?” you asked, a small laugh escaping your lips, finally starting to feel a little better.

“call it late night drive,” he corrected you, helping you climb into the passenger’s seat.

after that, he got inside himself, sitting behind the wheel. “figured this might help ya out a little. now, lean back and enjoy the ride.”

the next few minutes were quiet in the car, neither one of you talking, only the music played quietly in the background.

he pulled over after a while, bringing the car to a stop, and you lifted your head from where it rested against the window.

“is everything okay?” you asked softly, trying to figure out where you were.

instead of answering, gator reached out for you, pulling you closer to his body. “c’mere,” he murmured, wrapping an arm around you, grazing his hand over your side.

“you wanna talk ‘bout that dream?” he asked, lips moving against your temple as he breathed in the scent of your hair.

you tensed slightly, but his embrace kept you grounded. “there’s nothing to talk about,” you answered, pressing yourself a little tighter against him.

“you know he can’t hurt ya anymore, right? he’s gone. and you’re safe with me, darlin’,” he reminded you softly, peppering kisses on where his lips brushed against your head.

you took a deep, shaky breath, nodding slowly. “i know. it’s just… i can still feel his shadow like a knife pressing against my back. it’s… like he left a mark on my soul. one i can never get rid off.”

he didn’t answer immediately.

you didn’t expect him to.

because you knew he understood. his past hadn’t been that great either.

“you’re gonna be just fine, darlin’. one day, none of this is gonna matter anymore. i promise.”

a small pause, his lips wandering down to your ear where he pressed a soft kiss against the spot right behind it.

“so… what d’ya say to a little distraction? maybe get your mind on somethin’ else?”

you knew what he meant, and the deep sound of his voice shot straight to your core.

“oh, you bad, bad boy,” you murmured, turning your head to look into his eyes.

“the baddest for ya, darlin’,” he all but purred before your lips melt together.

the kiss was slow but heated, his tongue slipping inside your mouth, caressing yours with gentle strokes.

a soft moan slipped past your lips, swallowed by him while he helped you shift, settling you onto his lap.

your legs straddled his thighs, his hands sliding into your soft hair and the kiss deepened even more, having you drown in each other.

“fuck, baby. you’re drivin’ me crazy,” gator growled against your lips, pushing one of his thighs up against your core.

you gasped softly, biting in his bottom lip, grinding down against him.

that seemed to effect him because he pulled away, looking down into your eyes, his pupils blown with lust. “shit, you wanna ride my thigh, darlin’?”

you nodded slightly, already lifting your hips to get rid of your panties. he helped you, pulling them from your fingers and tossed them into the back of his car.

“you ain’t gonna need ‘em anymore tonight,” his fingers twisted into your hair, twirling it around his hand. “c’mon, show me how much ya want me.”

he didn’t have to tell you twice.

you adjusted your hips until you hovered over one thigh, slowly sinking down against it. the first movement was hesitant, testing how the soft flannel of his pyjama pants felt against your core.

“just like that…” gator encouraged you, his grip on your hips firm as he guided you.

“how ya feelin’, baby?” he asked, his teeth sinking into your bottom lip.

“good. so, so good,” you moaned, finally starting to rub yourself on him a little faster.

he tensed his muscles, causing you to grind down harder and another moan escaped you, rumbling through the small space in his car.

“gator…” you whimpered, his fingers tightening in your hair as he pulled your head back into your neck.

“i’m here… i’m right here.”

his lips latched onto the spot on your neck where your pulse thundered underneath, sucking softly on the thin skin.

“use my thigh, baby. just like ya need it.”

you started to move even faster, the fabric of his pants already drenched from your arousal, probably soaking into his skin underneath.

but you didn’t stop, it only pushed you more, just like his teeth that sank into your neck, biting you gently but hard enough that it would leave behind a mark.

all that and the way his muscles flexed underneath you, pushed you closer to the edge.

“g-gator. i’m gonna… i’m gonna…”

you couldn’t finish your sentence, your climax hitting you hard.

so hard, you saw stars sparking behind your closed eyes as you rode out your orgasm on his thigh and those damn flannel pants.

his lips found yours as soon as your breaths evened again, kissing you softly. “attagirl,” he murmured, making you chuckle, still a little out of breath.

“wanna ride my cock now?” he brushed a single strand of hair behind your ear while the other pulled down his pants eagerly.

you lowered your gaze, realizing how hard he was already—probably had been since the beginning of your make out session.

“gator…” you pleaded quietly, and he shushed you with a kiss, guiding your hips on top of him again.

“tell me how bad ya want me, darlin’,” he said, his fingers brushing over the delicate skin of your collarbone, slipping down to cup one of your breasts through the silk of your nightgown.

“i-i want you so bad it hurts. please gates…let me feel you inside of me. please…” you begged, not even surprised at how desperate you sounded.

a smile appeared on his lips and he pulled you into another kiss, dragging the tip of his cock through your wet folds.

he was probably dripping as well—had to be—but still coated his length with your juices before he finally pushed into your heat.

your walls gripped at him like he was the only thing you ever needed, swallowing him until your hips pressed flush against each other.

both of you panted heavily, gator giving you time to adjust to his size. but even then, he stayed like that without moving.

it was like he enjoyed the feeling of you around him, holding on to him like he was your lifeline.

“ga…gat-“ you started, wanting to tell him how bad you needed him to move. but the words died in your throat when he made the first thrust.

he hit you deep, right where it made you see stars again, too much and not enough at the same time.

“i want ya to know…” he began, thrusting up harder by now, your head falling back into your neck, moving with him.

“you’re always safe as long as you’re with me, ya hear me? i’ll never let nothin’ or nobody hurt you,” he ended, the next thrusts so hard that the car started to shake under your movements.

“fuck, gator!” you cried out, and you knew you were getting close again.

his hand grazed against your shoulder, brushing down the strap of your nightgown, revealing one of your tits to his sight.

he leaned down, lips closing around your nipple, and started to suck.

it wasn’t gentle, it was greedy—tongue swirling around your nipple like he wanted to get every little taste of you.

and just like that, the sparks in your abdomen exploded again.

you moved mindlessly on top of him, completely gone while he let you use him to ride out your pleasure.

somewhere in the middle of it, his own release hit him, a deep and throaty groan coming from deep down his throat.

his mouth was still around your nipple, the sound vibrating through your body while his cock twitched and pulsed, your walls milking him dry.

when he came down as well, he let his head sink against your chest, his breath still heavy and uneven.

you held him as he held you, none of you wanting to move away from the other.

he already softened inside of your pussy, but you still didn’t move.

“i love you, gator,” you finally whispered after some time, and his grip on you you tightened a little more.

“i know,” he murmured, slowly pulling away, cupping your face in his calloused hands. “i love you too. more than anythin’.”

this time, the kiss was soft and so full of love that your heart clenched in your chest. and after you pulled apart the next time, he drove you back home.

some minutes later, you were back in bed, snuggled up tightly against his chest, slowly drifting into sleep.

this time without any pain from your past haunting you.

2026 whispersoflost

his voice felt like an anchor in a storm you thought you couldn’t escape from, rough with sleep but still so goddamn grounding.

i really wanted to pick this out because it’s so poetic. and such a brilliant, thought provoking description of a panic attack. in just a few words you captured how it feels… that’s just really impressive.

he wrapped his arms around your smaller frame, pressing you close against him—like he was afraid you would break down if he let you go.

feeling small and delicate and i really need his big warm arms around me

“ain’t no need to thank me, darlin’,” gator muttered back, pressing a soft kiss against your temple, lips lingering there for a few seconds longer than they should.

so uhhh. i literally read this in his voice. you know his character so well, the way you write… it’s literally him. ugh my talented bestie.

“w-what? it’s almost 3am, gates,” you pointed out but already moved to follow him.

do i see a 3am road trip happening……?

oh yes, yes i do. 😼

“oh, you bad, bad boy,” you murmured, turning your head to look into his eyes.

OH FUCK OKAY.

“the baddest for ya, darlin’,” he all but purred before your lips melt together.

goddamn my legs are open and ready

he hit you deep, right where it made you see stars again, too much and not enough at the same time.

i’m literally… desperate right now. biting my pillow.

evil because you write this… and it can’t be me!!!! whyyyy can’t it be me!!!!!!!

this time, the kiss was soft and so full of love that your heart clenched in your chest. and after you pulled apart the next time, he drove you back home.

okay okay catch me crying. this was the perfect ending. 🥺🥺🥺

——————————————

of course you called and spoke to each other on facetime multiple times. but it was still different than to actually talk to him in person.

you missed him just like he missed you, and neither of you could wait for him to come home in less than a week.

it was the steady buzzing of your phone that ripped you out of your thoughts while you cleaned up the kitchen.

you put away the rag, taking your phone, smiling when you saw his name on the screen.

“i was wondering when you’d call. thought you might’ve forgotten me,” you teased him right after you accepted the facetime call, making him chuckle.

“ouch. so that’s what you think of me?” he answered with that stupid grin on his beautiful face.

you giggled softly, walking through your apartment as someone suddenly snatched his phone out of his hands.

“hi there,” a familiar voice sounded, and gaten grinned widely at you, showing you his perfectly grown teeth.

you could hear joe complaining in the background, and something like ‘give me that damn phone back, gaten’.

your giggle turned into a soft laugh, gaten’s grin replaced by joe’s face.

“it was nice to see you!” you said with a raised voice, hoping gaten still heard it.

his answer was muffled, hard to understand when joe already started to walk away.

“sorry, princess. i was just about to leave anyway.” a slight tilt of his head. “how’s my girl doing?” he added while he moved, probably back to his hotel room.

“she’s doing fine. misses you, that’s all,” you answered, reaching your bedroom and falling onto the bed, back against the mattress.

you held your phone right over your face so he had a good look on you from above.

he stepped inside his own room and closed the door behind him. “is that so?” there was a smile on his face, voice dropping an octave and you bit your bottom lip. “i know a few things that could help against that.”

you felt heat creeping up your neck and into your cheeks. “yeah? tell me more…”

he shrugged, switching on the lights in his room so you could see is face again.

“mhmm. you better tell me what you’re wearing right now,” he replied, and your heart started to beat faster.

you slowly turned the camera down, giving him a good look at the black tank top, matching with his boxers.

“shit.”

the curse sounded breathless, almost like he’s been holding his breath while he looked at the view you’ve been showing to him.

“you have no idea how bad i want to touch you right now, baby,” he added then, and you looked back to the screen.

“i could do it for you if you want,” you offered, maybe a little too fast. but it was exactly what he wanted to hear.

“can you take off your shirt for me?” his voice sounded strained, almost like he had to hold himself back from jumping through the screen right there.

you nodded slowly, sitting up again, placing the phone against one of your pillows so he had a good sight on you.

without waisting another second, you took off the tank top, exposing your breasts to him before throwing the fabric away.

a throaty growl escaped him when he saw you sitting in front of the phone like this, one the hand that wasn’t holding the phone already palming his erection through his pants.

“jesus christ, you wanna kill me, right?” he choked out, making you bite your bottom lip as you leaned forward, slowly crawling closer to the phone. “come back home soon. this is what’s waiting for you.”

“i can’t fucking wait for it,” he breathed, his gaze roaming over your chest. “play with your nipples.”

you watched him for a moment, before guiding one hand to your breasts, starting to play with your nipple while he watched you like a predator watches its prey. after that, you repeated the same action on the other side.

“fucking delicious,” he growled, the sound of his voice making you arch your back.

“oh my god, joe,” you whimpered, hips rocking forward.

“touch yourself, princess. give yourself the pleasure you need. but stay exactly like this. lemme watch you while you tear yourself apart f’me.”

he didn’t need to repeat himself.

your hand already slipped past the waistband of his boxers, touching your aching pussy.

a soft moan slipped from your mouth as you started to tease your lips, smearing the wetness there.

“talk to me, baby.” you heard joe’s voice through the lust that clouded your mind.

“so wet. so wet for you.” it came out a little breathless, slowly playing with your clit, circling your index finger around it.

it sent little jolts of electricity through your body and you leaned backwards on your heels, making sure that he could see all of how your body reacted to it.

you brushed your fingers through your folds, grazing over your entrance before pushing them inside, moaning out softly.

“christ, baby. if you could see yourself right now… i wish i could touch you. i wish…” he paused, groaning quietly, “i wish i could fuck you.”

you cried out softly, your walls clenching around your fingers, the thought of his cock inside of you—instead of your fingers—felt like pure agony since he was on the other side of the country.

“joe,” you whimpered, hips bucking mindlessly against your own fingers as you chased your release, hoping it would stop the unbearable ache in your lower abdomen.

when your thumb touched your clit again, rubbing over it i tight circles, the coil in your stomach snapped, and you came all over your hand, practically dripping onto the bedsheets.

just in time, you heard a muffled sound from where the phone leaned against your pillow, his screen black as the phone probably had fallen from his hands.

he picked it up a few heartbeats later, smiling awkwardly into the camera. “holy shit, baby. i just came in my pants,” he chuckled, and you couldn’t help but giggle, falling onto the bed.

“you’re kidding, right?” you asked, hiding your face behind your hands.

“not about that, promise,” he declared too fast if it was a lie.

“you’re incredible, keery,” you muttered, shaking your head slightly.

“and you’re absolutely beautiful. and i can’t wait to take you in my arms soon.”

he got quiet before meeting your gaze again. “no touching until we see each other again. the next time when you come like this…i want to be the one who does that to you. promise me, baby.”

“i promise…” you whispered back, your eyes already fluttering shut. “can’t wait to have you back home.”

you didn’t even notice when he hung up.

you’d already fallen asleep.

. ⊹*ﾟ･ﾟ｡. ⭑.*｡･ﾟ⊹*.

the streetlights shone through the floor-deep windows, illuminating the darkness of your living room as you sat on the couch, a glass of wine in your hands.

it had been a long and exhausting day. and the worst part was that you haven’t heard from him in hours. maybe that was the reason why you held that glass against your lips. it was half empty, the alcohol giving your head a dizzy feeling already.

slowly, you stood up from where you were sitting on the couch, swaying slightly as you tried to keep your balance.

“dammit,” you cursed.

and when you finally felt steady on your feet, you made your way to your headphones, which lay on the counter on the other side of the room.

of course, you could also watch a movie. but that wasn’t what you needed right now.

you switched on the music, starting to move to it, swaying your hips with the rhythm.

soon you were dancing around in your living room, enjoying it just being you, your favourite songs and your best friend named wine—that never failed to let you down.

but it only took you a few minutes before you got too exhausted, falling down on the couch again, eyes to the ceiling.

fuck, there was this feeling again.

that thrumming pulse between your legs, and the despair of feeling your boyfriend’s body on top of you.

it had been too long.

and even though you promised him to not touch yourself again until he came back, you just couldn’t stop yourself.

you needed him, and it was bad.

so all you did, was to let your fingers slip past the waistband of your sweatpants and panties, finding yourself soaked.

your hips bucked up involuntarily, searching for friction as you teased your entrance with your fingers, triggering that sensation.

but you didn’t want to wait any longer. you’ve really waited long enough.

the music still played softly over your headphones as you started to circle your clit torturously slow, building up the pleasure.

it happened fast—thanks to the alcohol in your system—and soon your hips bucked up into thin air, your inner walls clenching painfully around nothing.

your breath quickened and you knew you were close.

but right before you could fall over that edge of pure bliss, a hand clamped down over your eyes.

you jumped instantly, all that pleasure gone as pure adrenaline rushed through your body. you turned your head, looking into the familiar eyes of your boyfriend who looked down at you with an unreadable expression.

“fucking hell, joe. you scared the shit out of me,” you gasped after you ripped the headphones off your head.

you were still a little out of breath, trying to calm the racing of your heart.

“and you broke your promise. think we’re pretty much even. i thought no touching until i’m back home,” he replied, slowly moving around the couch so he was standing right in front of you.

without waiting for an answer, he took your hand—the one that had been in your pants only seconds before—and brought it up to his face.

he breathed in deeply, inhaling your scent before closing his lips around them, sucking off the remaining taste of you.

the air got caught in your throat as you watched his eyes close, tongue swirling around your fingertips until he pulled away with a wet pop.

for a moment, you weren’t even sure if this was real or if it just happened inside your head after you’d fallen asleep on the couch. but he was definitely there, you felt it in the way your body reacted to his presence.

“joe…” you started but didn’t come far. he sat down on the couch next to you, pulling you with him, forcing you to sit on top of him, straddling his thighs.

“after six hours on a plane and one hour in a taxi after that… i come home to this. you… almost about to cum on your own fucking fingers. though you promised to wait,” he nearly growled, his grip tightening on you.

“what are we gonna do about that?”

you swallowed hard, not finding the right words but you didn’t have to—joe already knew exactly what he was gonna do.

“ride my thigh.”

it wasn’t a question.

it was a command.

“but i-“

he cut you off by grabbing your chin gently but firm, forcing you to look into his eyes.

“ride. my. thigh.”

he repeated it, even more firm than the last time, and you finally obeyed.

you positioned yourself above his right thigh, slowly grinding down on it.

the sensation felt too good on your already swollen clit, and you moaned out quietly.

“yeah, just like that,” joe hummed, one of his hands sliding to your back, the other into your hair.

his words urged you to move faster, rubbing yourself against him through your clothes.

your breath quickened again, your body still on edge from your former encounter.

so it didn’t take long until he had you where he wanted you falling apart on top of him, cumming into your pants—just like him a few days ago—while his name left your lips over and over again.

you sank against him when you came down from your high, forehead pressed against his shoulder.

he buried his face in your hair, breathing in the smell of your shampoo and something so unmistakably you, holding you in his arms.

“i’m sorry i broke the promise.” your voice felt agonizingly loud in the silence of the room—maybe it was because of the ringing sound in your ears. “i just… i missed you. and i couldn’t wait for you to come back home.”

joe chuckled softly, pushing you away only far enough so he could look into your eyes.

“it’s okay. i forgive you, baby,” he smiled, cupping your face with his hands, finally pressing a soft kiss against your lips.

you let out a hum, your eyes closing as you deepened the kiss. as your mouths moved together, you started to shift on his hips, feeling his clothed erection pressing against your core.

but he stopped your right there.

“hey,” his grip tightened on your face. “i’m pretty exhausted from my flight. i don’t think i can do much tonight.”

by now you realized the deep shadows under his eyes, suddenly feeling bad for even trying to get him to more.

“i’m so sorry, i-“

he drowned the words in another kiss and you placed one hand against his cheek, feeling the stubble growing back underneath your palm.

“let’s go to bed, hm?” he suggested softly, his hand slipping underneath your ass as he stood up, your body still on his hips.

your legs tightened around him while he carried you, both of you giggling as you fell on the mattress together.

you didn’t even remember at which point sleep got you.

all you actually did remember was, that your head was pressed against his chest, the steady beat of his heart underneath your ear.

the next thing you knew was that feeling. it was probably also the reason why you woke up.

little sparks exploding in your abdomen, causing the first soft moans to slip past your lips.

then you felt him move between your legs. or more—his head.

his hands were on your thighs, holding you open as his tongue lapped on your pussy.

“joe…” you moaned, still half-asleep, your hand finding its way into his hair. “oh, f-fuck…”

“morning, baby,” he hummed, the deep sound of it rumbling through your body, your walls clenching around nothing.

“oh my god.”

it was the only thing you got out, your back arching off the bed when his tongue swirled around your clit.

you only got wetter, your hips rocking up against his face. “joe…”

“shhhh…”

his grip on your thighs tightened, pushing you down, keeping you from moving. “just let me take care of you,” he continued, his fingers teasing your hole but not pushing inside.

you whimpered, the need to feel something inside almost killing your still sleep-hazed head.

“fuck baby, you’re dripping,” he murmured, his tongue licking up a long stripe from your entrance to your clit.

then he finally pushed it inside, gathering more of your arousal before swallowing it down.

“god, baby. y’taste so good,” he groaned into your heat, and you whimpered again, your hand moving into his hair as the other clenched into the sheets.

“joe… oh god… please,” you cried out, trying to catch your breath while he pushed his tongue in and out of you at a relentless pace.

he didn’t answer you this time, just focused on you and those sweet little sounds that left your lips over and over again.

his fingers found your bundle of nerves, rubbing gently over it, grinning against you as your body trembled violently.

“joe, i-i can’t…”

“i know, it’s okay. cum for me, baby. wanna taste you,” he whispered, sending you over the edge.

you came, coating the lower half of his face with your juices as the world spun around you, little whimpers leaving your lips.

he took everything you offered, lapping at you for dear life, moaning into you until there was nothing left.

“joe…” you tried to pull him away from you, his hair soft like silk between your fingers.

“please, baby… i need you inside of me.”

joe moved away, crawling up your body, his chin glistening from your juices. “god, i missed you so much,” he said quietly, kissing you softly, letting you taste yourself on him.

“mmmmh…”

you couldn’t say more, his cock already nudging at your entrance, only the tip slipping inside of you.

you didn’t remember when he got out of his clothes, you couldn’t care less.

all you could think of was to finally feel him again after that awfully long time of two months.

both of you panted heavily as he slid deeper, his thick cock stretching your walls in the most delicious way.

he didn’t stop until he was completely buried inside of you, his breath mixing with yours. “you feel so… fucking incredible,” he hissed, pressing his forehead against yours, slowly starting to move.

the first thrust caused you to moan into each other’s mouths as you half-kissed, and right after the next followed.

he fucked you slow and gentle into the mattress, waking you up even more, holding himself upright on his elbows on either side of your head.

your nails scratched down his back, leaving little marks in their wake, making him hiss again.

“please… harder…” you panted, your legs locking around his waist, pushing him deeper.

“as you wish, princess.”

with that, he increased his pace and soon the slapping of his balls against your ass, just as the little sounds you made, were the only thing that was heard in your bedroom.

“fuck, joe!” you whined, your whole body trembling from the sensation that cursed through your body.

he reacted to it, taking one of your hands, pressing it down on the mattress right next to your head, lacing your fingers with his.

“i’m here, baby,” he pressed out, his voice laced with lust, lips brushing along your jaw. “i’m right here. you wanna cum? you wanna cum on my cock?”

his words reached your ears through the pleasure, and you nodded your head frantically.

“use your words. let me hear how much you want it.”

“please, joe. please lemme cum,” you whimpered, your fingers tightening around his as he still held your hand down.

“good girl.”

the praise made your walls flutter wildly, and he let go of your hand, reaching down to add extra pressure on your clit.

that was all you needed to fall apart underneath him, whimpering and moaning softly as your orgasm crashed down on you.

you called out his name, nails digging into his shoulders, leaving little crescents behind.

he kissed along your jaw as he continued to fuck you through your climax but wasn’t nearly finished with you yet.

you only had a few minutes to catch your breath before he rolled you over, bringing you on top of him.

you didn’t need a command from him, you knew what he wanted. and you where pleased to give it to him.

you took his hands, holding them up in the air as you intertwined your fingers with his, slowly starting to rock your hips.

“f-fuck,” he hissed through gritted teeth, his grip on your hands tightening.

your head fell back into your neck when you felt him twitch inside of you, so deep it sent sparks up your spine.

“you feel s’good around me, baby,” he groaned, hips bucking up to meet your movements.

it didn’t make you stop, it only urged you to move faster. you knew he was close when you heard his breathing change.

“fuck, baby! i’m gonna cum… f-fuck…” he warned, and with one last deep thrust, he emptied his balls deep inside of you, coating your walls with thick ropes of his cum.

his body shook and trembled underneath you, his eyes closed and mouth hanging open.

he looked like pure sin.

the most beautiful sin you’ve ever seen in your life and you’d never get enough of it.

you leaned forward, now pressing his hands on the mattress at either side of his head, nose nuzzling against his sweaty neck.

“i’m glad you’re back,” you whispered, breaking the silence between you.

he squeezed your hands gently. “me too, princess. i promise, next time i’m gone for that long, i’m taking your with me. even though i really enjoy what happens when i come back home and you miss me.”

“oh, shut up. i was drunk,” you giggled, letting go of his hands so he could wrap his arms around you, his cock softening inside you.

“lame excuse, baby,” he teased, pressing a kiss to your temple.

it caused you to giggle, both of you gasping when you rolled off of him, causing his cock to slip out, your mixed juices leaking from your pussy.

“soo, what now?” you asked, turning your head to look at him.

he seemed to think for a few seconds, then grinned mischievously. “now… i’m gonna eat you out again, making sure you’re ready for round two, sweet girl. we still got a lot to catch up to.”

you didn’t get to answer as he positioned himself on top of you again, his head already diving back between your legs.

2026 whispersoflost