I look so stupid reading house of leaves in the break room I gotta twist n turn this shit all over the place like I've never read a book in my life and I don't understand how it works

gf stoned in the shower so I got the speaker going curating the perfect vibe. just queued one of her favourite songs and heard her go softly oooo. maybe I get the appeal of being someone's wife 😑

I actually love helping people with their tech issues when I'm able to do so. bc I remember trying to learn linux and finding that every single linux person behaved like they had been living in the sewers for decades and are just now trying to reintegrate into society. and then I met one normal linux guy who helped me a ton when I was trying to debug and I respect him more than some family members. so I think it's fun getting to be that person for other people. like yes I will help you with your little sims. I love you

accidentally burned off my fingertips with bleach and now my phone's fingerprint scanner won't work. fbi HATES this one simple trick

being a lesbian is so fun. just got bored and dyed each other's hair on a whim

what's really tragic is if u were a very suicidal teenager and in your 20s u decided that u actually want to live. you probably fuckkkkked your life up and made it way harder than it needed to be LOL

it's crazy how me n my gf have been dating for well over a year now and I have never once been trusted to handle the aux while we're driving somewhere. not that I should be. because I would put on 8 minute long steely dan songs. but I feel like that's my right as an american

had to explain to my 40something coworker today that he can't be using the pregnant man emoji in teams when he's hungry

dating an artist is so funny..... 8 am I'm on my way to work she's on her way to bed. I love her

I'm on the fence about buying Japanese breakfast tickets but her being an opener just don't sit right with me..... and for death cab for cutie 😐 gun to my head I couldn't name more than 1 death cab for cutie song

listening to my insanely misogynistic coworker talk about a new relationship and knowing there's nothing I can do to warn her............