BSD Fanfic Archive!

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˚ʚ dazai.

When the day came when Dazai had to say goodbye to you, he could only smile. Finally freedom.

With you in his arms, and a river of life flowing between you, all Dazai could do was smile. Everything went silent the moment he held you tight, the entire world suspending its magic so that all suffering was fixed at that moment, in that second, in that smile.

Dazai could only look at you; with a smile on his face and scarlet promises leaking from your lips, Dazai knew he would never forget that moment.

Small seconds changed the course of his life, without any warning or consideration, his whole existence was dyed of melancholy red of futures that were never going to happen —so why try to live them?

Now that he had you in his arms, knowing perfectly well that you would not let go of the agonizing scarlet that stained your clothes, Dazai finally felt free from the chains that bound him to this world. Now there were no excuses. No postponements. No errors. No you.

You... no longer existed.

The only color in this world, the only star that managed to survive the world's wickedness and the gods' warnings; you yourself no longer existed. Not when you had just been painted with the color of desolation.

So what pleasures did Dazai expect in this life, when the only heavenly soul had dissipated before him? Without any notice?

It was when the first tear toasted his smile that Dazai realized what happened.

You no longer existed. That red wasn't desolation, it was a farewell. A farewell that could not be retrieved, altered, or erased. That was real. The cascade of scarlet flowers was really a river of anguish and suffering —yours and Dazai's. It was a goodbye, not a see you later. It was permanent, not something momentary. And this time it wasn't caused by Dazai's boundless pranks; this time it was provoked by his carelessness and vanity. Although still causing all that pain, this time Dazai knew that no flowers or stuffed animals in this world could undo the harm he caused.

And Dazai's forehead met yours in a light, tremulous, hesitant encounter. Letting his tears wash away his own smile and spread your farewell over the rest of your face, Dazai just held you tight against him. Using all his strength, hoping you would wake up with the exaggeration of his love, hoping that all the red you dropped was just a joke to show him how much you suffered for dating that prankster.

But no reaction other than Dazai's came.

In that silent street, muffled by the city's movements, everything was silent, static, dark. And what once consumed Dazai, that freedom that was felt in the first seconds he held you and felt your essence being consumed by his fingertips, disappeared.

Now, only despair reigned in Dazai.

How could he even dream of freedom from this life, when he drowned you in the red river that consumed you? How could Dazai think of freeing himself from the anxieties and sufferings of this world, when he himself brought you eternal torment?

No. He could not achieve that freedom. Not when you went away with red words and scarlet gestures. Dazai was going to remain in this world. Letting your sudden departure dictate any and all suffering he came to feel, Dazai decided to stay —because, how could he dream of being with you if it was because of him that you said goodbye to this world?

mwah, you lean in with your next breath to press your lips against dazai’s forehead, almost as if your body moves on its own as your fingers trace down his cheeks then his jaw to hold him softly. another kiss to his left cheek next, followed by a smile and then another to the tip of his nose as you laugh. mwah, you continue as you pepper him in quick presses of your lips, like little angel kisses across his features that make his nose twitch cutely.

but still he doesn’t jostle or wake completely, you know you always pestered him about getting enough sleep but not to this extent — you almost find yourself considering checking for a pulse as you pull back to pout at his still sleeping figure. but in the very moment you decide to spare him of more kisses, finding them wasted when he’s not there to meet you with his usual giggles and quick presses of his own lips, as if on queue — his fingers stroke softly along the skin at your waist and he sighs.

“mmm, just a few more.. i’m not quite awake yet.” dazai’s voice scratches slightly in his throat, his lips forming a half-sleepy grin, but his hand still doesn’t hesitate to reach for yours as if he’s been awake this whole time.

“you sound pretty awake to me,” you laugh before meeting his fingers with your own; you don’t need to look, they’re etched in your memory, slender and petal-veined, soft and quick and never wrong.

you smile when dazai squeezes your intertwined hands before finally opening his eyes to shoot you a drowsy pout, “hey now, they know not to expect me at the agency this early. it would be so mean to pull me out of your arms so quickly.” he’s teasing you, you’d recognise the familiar lilt to his voice anywhere.

his eyes are warm and brown as summer earth as he gazes up at you, but there’s a glow to them that makes something burst and heat across your skin when he hooks his other arm around you to urge you to curl closer.

“so~ you can’t leave me yet, what if i get cold?” dazai’s pouting again, letting his voice take a deliberately, exaggeratedly sad sort of tone. like he’s trying to convince you to stay in bed with him for eternity.. he almost has you considering it.

but, you somehow find the strength in you to relent despite the way you still don’t make any attempt at trying to move just yet.

“‘samu, i have to leave too.” you make the mistake of tilting your head up towards dazai as you answer him, giving him the sort of look that has something in his gaze sparking as his hand begins to trail soft touches up the length of your spine. you curl into his chest and he almost looks smug as he sighs again, blinking slowly as his cheeks puff.

“would you sooner see me freeze to death than keep me warm for a few extra minutes?” another loud, drawn out sigh and you can’t help but roll your eyes, untangling your fingers from his as you go to make a show of rolling to the edge with a huff.

but dazai’s arm around you squeezes tighter and you give him a pout that’s so adorable— it doesn’t do your escape plan any favours because now he wants you even closer. “osamu,” you try but his now free fingers reach to brush over your cheek next, and you hate the way it makes you shudder— your self control drips like honey from your body by his touch alone.

“how am i supposed to pull myself away when i’m in the presence of an angel, hm?” his voice is lower now, drawn out and deliberately saccharine as he leans in closer — lips so close to yours, you’re almost tempted to close the distance. he was so much easier to deal with when he was asleep. his smirk twitches even wider at the cute blink you give him and he exhales, “how do i know this isn’t just a dream?” his finger traces down your jaw to tilt your head higher— he’s even closer than before as he leans in, almost completely.

“because if it was a dream you wouldn’t have to get up for work so come on! get up, ‘samu!” you laugh as you retort because as much as dazai was easier to handle when he was asleep, you’d grown somewhat used to the tactics he liked to try and use against you. so you wriggle in his hold as he desperately tries to keep you closer to him.

“ohhhh come on! is wanting to kiss my beautiful girlfriend really so bad that i should be punished like this?” his voice is louder now, a lot more playful as you try to pull yourself to the edge of the bed— it’s a little harder when you’re pulling both of your bodies as your overgrown boyfriend fights against you. like you’re trying to get a cat into a bath.

“you get enough kisses already!”

“i don’t think i get quite as much as i’d like, angel.” you send him a frown as you struggle against him. the bandages around his arms tickle you slightly and it only makes your job so much harder as he pouts up at you from where he’s now wrapped around your chest.

“pretty please~ just a little longer then i promise i’ll get up.” a second and that’s enough for him to know he’s won, it’s all it takes for you to consider it— weighing out your options of wrestling with your boyfriend or starting your day off with an extra five minutes and a few extra kisses. you think the answer is pretty obvious when you think about it.

“fine, five minutes.” you finally admit defeat and the small little yay! it earns from dazai makes you giggle as he pulls you back against his chest— tapping his finger against his cheek expectantly, earning a groan from you, but you still go back to peppering your lips against the smooth skin there.

he sighs like he’s content as he hums with every press, sending you one of his more handsome, drowsy looks before hes suddenly meeting you for the next kiss you lean into. his lips slot against yours softly, you can feel the way hes smiling against you as he pulls you even closer— chest to chest.

“mmm, see.. is this really so bad?”

without a doubt, the armed detective agency’s christmas parties were always the highlight of the year. it was always so amusing and fun watching the other members ridiculously drunk and making an absolute fool of themselves and you would often snap away on your camera as the unoffical photographer of the night.

you’ve been acting up all day. every time you talked back, dazai felt his eyebrow twitch ever so slightly. dazai didn’t care how hypocritical it was for him to get mad at your misbehaviour. all he cared about at this point was teaching you a lesson.

somehow he manages to maintain that sly grin of his for the entire day. it leads you to think that maybe your plan failed. you were curious to see if you could actually push him into punishing you but it appears not. you were completely naive as to what would happen when you arrived home.

you didn’t even notice him follow you into the bathroom. you only realized that he was there when you saw him in the mirror. before you could react, dazai's bending you over the sink. “someone was naughty today,” he hums. his tone at first sounds playful but there’s a bit of danger laced in those words. “i think i need to remind you who you’re dealing with”.

you had been preparing to hop into the shower so you’re already naked for hin. perfect, that makes dazai’s job a whole lot easier. there’s no fabric protecting your ass when dazai raises his hand and brings it down to connect with your skin. you yelp as a sharp pain racks your body.

“i-i was only kidding ‘samu” you pout.

“no, you were being a brat”. still, his voice seems almost cheery. somehow it makes this punishment so much worse. it feels like you’re being mocked when he spanks you a second time. “don’t you worry. i’m going to fuck you so hard that, by the time i’m done with you, you’ll be too dumb to remember how to even be a brat”.

a shiver runs up your spine as you hear his belt unclasp. at the very same time your thighs unconsciously rub together. you’re loving every second of this and he’s barely gotten started yet.

there’s no foreplay or prep for him shoving his fat length into your tight pussy. who needs to get you ready when dazai can just bully his way into your little cunt. unavoidable tears form in the corners of your eyes as he stretched your poor hole. it stings and feels so good all at once.

it takes a while for him to bottom out. as dazai tries sheathing himself inside, his free hand suddenly comes to the back of your head and lifts it by tugging on your hair. “i want you to look at yourself” he said as your eyes met your reflection. maybe if you see yourself getting fucked into submission you’ll actually learn”.

what starts off as a whimper ends in a loud moan as his balls finally slap against your clit. you’re granted about half a second to get used to his size before dazai’s pulling out and pounding back into you. you’re surprised your head doesn’t slam against the mirror at the force he’s thrusting into you with.

you attempt to keep your eyes glued to the glass in front of you but it proves difficult the more moans fall from your face. seeing your face looks so lewd fills you with a sense of embarrassment that’s almost impossible to describe. the last straw is the tears that finally come washing down your face.

it’s then that you look away from yourself. as soon as you do the familiar feeling of dazai’s palm against your ass cheek tips through your body. “a brat and can’t follow simple instructions hmm?” he sighs in your ear, suddenly stopping his movements. “i can do this all night, darling. either you watch yourself or you don’t get to cum. make your choice”.

bottom lip trembling, your gaze drifts back to the mirror. dazai hums in satisfaction before returning to abusing your pussy. “that’s what i thought. got nothing smart to say now, do you? you tried to act big today but in the end you’re just a cock drunk slut. wanna cum on this dick?”.

“y-yes” you stammer. it feels pathetic watching yourself beg this way but you need it so bad. he was right. no matter how much you acted up you’d always fall in line for his cock. “please make me cum. promise i’ll be good from now on”.

“that’s more like it,” dazai chuckles, picking up the pace. his smugness make have gotten to you of your head didn’t feel so fuzzy. he kept his word, he was making you so stupid that you had no choice but to behave. “you can cum then” he gives you permission as he reaches to pinch your clit. “just make sure you watch yourself as you do”.

following his orders perfectly, you witness your face contort in pleasure when your high finally comes. legs shaking you, you cream on his girth. dazai groans when he sees that beautiful white ring around his base. “well done”.

right as he gives you some praise you disappoint dazai by trying to squirm away from him. “not so fast, my dear. i never said i was done with you. i still haven’t cum” he tsks, pulling you back in place by your hips. “besides, 𝐈 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊 𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑”.

"I'm sorry, I'll clean it."

Dazai whispers that sentence and kneels to pick up the broken pieces.

"I broke your heart the same way?"

And after hearing Dazai's whispers, Kunikida was really surprised. Maybe it was the first time he felt that Dazai, had a heart or can care about something...

He tries to forget you, but every time something happens that reminds Dazai of your memories. Like, the smell of your perfume on the sheets, one of your clothes left in the washing machine or seeing your favorite cookies in a pastry shop...

He feels a little stone block his airway, he feels a knife being stabbed in his heart.

Until one day he sees you, and feels his heart beats has stopped.

You were as bright as ever, as smiling and happy as ever ... but without him.

For the first time in his life he feels confused. Should he come to you? Should he ignore you? Should he escape?

But when he sees another man next to you, he realizes that he has to give up.

He must admit that he has lost you, just like the other important people he lost.

Missing someone? Who? Y/N?... it's so ridiculous!

You were just his toy. Now that you're no longer needed, you should be thrown away.

He hasn't felt sadness for months.

But as time goes on, he feels more empty than ever. Fyodor has lost something and this makes him... impatient.

There may not seem to be a specific reason for this, he thought, but Nikolai realizes that Fyodor has become more ruthless than before.

He eats less than usual, instead, works harder, and his nail-biting habit gets worse than ever.

He has trouble sleeping and sometimes starts breaking things for no reason.

Fyodor breaks your photo frames or burns your clothes whenever he gets sleepless.

No, this is not normal at all. He's calm af when he does these things.

He just has a sly smile on his face and sometimes he laughs like crazy.

Even Nikolai doesn't like to annoy Fyodor at these times.

Should he kill you? Because you play with his sadistic spirit, and he does not like it at all.

you're happy without him? You sleep well? You eat enough? And allow yourself to enjoy your worthless life? You enjoy everything while he can't even enjoy his favorite tea?

These thoughts run through his mind, and finally, when the violin strings are torn, and the loud music ends, he opens his eyes.

For a long time, he won't accept that this feeling named "missing"

He's supposed to be God, he doesn't need these feelings.

He just has to focus on his goals.

Also, Fyodor doesn't like to admit that he was guilty at all.

But...

"Ivan, I want you to find that bitch (y/n) and monitor them."

𝑇𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡࿐

@dazaiaiko @missrown @kiyokoxd @jessbeinme15 @duhsies @midnightmoi @sae-balp @rory-cakes @yumichisa @alexaizawa @arialikestea @irethepotato-reblogs @alice0blog

It was a stressful day for you. This morning had been an absolute disaster for you as you had woken up way past your alarm and your lover was nowhere to be found. Sure, he might have just been doing his daily errands or doing whatever but for one, Dazai wasn’t quite the morning person and two, he was acting awfully..odd last night, and it was the kind of odd that you wouldn’t consider to be your lovers.

“Don’t you ever think that we..were born to die..?”

You furrow your eyebrows as you turn on your side to face your lover in the twin sized mattress you two were both quite comfortable on.

“Elaborate?” You ask.

“We as humans, live for a while, and then die..isn’t that our only purpose?”

“What, just to die? I don’t know maybe..” You answer, propping your head up with your arm, pressing your elbow into the soft material of the mattress.

“Hm..” He answers mindlessly. It was short and abrupt, but you could feel the tense aura in the room as he stared blankly up at the ceiling.

“..Something on your mind..?” You ask in a soft tone. Reaching your hand out slowly to brush some messy hairs back from his face. He always looked better with his hair off his face anyway.

He turns to you with a smile, but not one of the sweet and sunny ones, oh no. This one had sorrow.

It was such a sad smile. One of woe and pain that not even words of the finest lips could speak to convey such torment.

“Just peachy.” He replies, but you both knew that was such a lie.

“Y/N.” Kunikidas curt voice snaps you out of the reigns of your own sorrow. “You’re free to leave.”

“Huh..?”

“I understand you are not in the correct mindset to resume your work duties. So please, feel free to head home.”

Your eyes widen as you furrow your eyebrows in sympathy at the man. Were you that readable?

“Oh, Kunikida there’s no need really-“

“It’s an order.” He interrupts, not a single change in his expression as he tells you so. “It’s an order from me that you go home and take care of yourself.”

Silence fills the small work space you two find yourself in as you can only nod, standing up in the same silence as you quickly gather your things and turn to the door.

“And Y/N.” Kunikida speaks again, to which you turn your head over your shoulder to see that his expression had changed just a little bit, to one of concern.

“If you ever need to speak to someone. I’m here.”

You smile, a short but sweet one that shows you appreciate his kindness.

“Thank you.” You whisper. Kunikida returns the favour with the same short kind smile you gave him, before returning to his same demeanour and professionalism as he says one last thing.

“And tell damn Dazai to come in for his paperwork also..I’m getting worried about the bastard.”

This makes you frown as you turn to leave. Dazai hasn’t been in the whole day? Then just where the hell is he..?

You walked home with an umbrella over your head as the weather spat rain from the skies. ‘What a perfect way to capture the mood’ you thought as you looked down at your feet splashing against the wet tiles of concrete on the ground as you walked on the sidewalk.

You soon reach home after the boring walk to your apartment. You jingle the keys into the lock before walking into your ‘homey home’.

That’s when, you noticed something on the shoe rack. Shoes of the man you loved oh so dearly. Dazai was here! You can’t ignore the jump in your heart when you recognise his presence.

Given the fact that you couldn’t hear any footsteps or sounds coming from the kitchen or living room, you can only imagine that he was upstairs in the comfort of your bedroom you two shared together. You look up the staircase and began your adventure upward.

Once you head upstairs, you head towards your room, you could hear the sounds of..shuffling? which you could only assume was your lover doing whatever it was he was doing in your room. You expected something stupid, as that’s what he was normally known for doing. So you expected something of the sort.

What you didn’t expect however, was to find said lover rolling along the carpet of your bedroom floor.

But, here he was - rolling. What an odd thing to say..

Silence fills the room once he realises you’re in the room. He abruptly stops and leans up to see you.

“..Hi.”

“..Hi my love.” You say, still in a bit of shock after seeing this..delightful sight.

“..So you probably have questions..” He begins to say, looking off at the wall beside you to avoid eye contact from this awkward exchange. You only smile at him, before shaking your head.

“I do, but not related to what you’re doing.” You say, before closing the door and making your way over to him.

He snaps his head to look at you, furrowed eyebrows and a look of confusion pair well together as he looks at you with bewilderment as you stand above him, suggesting to the floor.

“May I?” He smiles at this.

“..You may.” He replies, scooting over to make room.

Your smile remains as you shimmy off your coat and place it on the bed before you sit on the floor and lay down next to him, turning your head to face him with the same kind smile.

“Are you alright?” You ask in a soft tone, the same soft tone you use with him that he loves so dearly.

“Just peachy.” He replies, and you recognise this conversation all over again.

“I know that’s a white lie.” You reply, urging to push further. Dazai hates to lie to you, but sometimes he does to protect you. But he knows now he simply can’t lie another time to you. His heart knows better.

“Just a little..” He replies, smiling mischievously as you flick his forehead playfully.

“Please talk to me.” You plea, furrowing your eyebrows in a rush of worry. He mirrors your expression as he realises just how concerned you actually are.

“I’m worried about you.”

Well, this was new. To Dazai atleast. He knew you cared and worried of course, but to hear you say such words awakened a type of emotion he didn’t have in him. It was a little punch in the stomach that made his insides churn with warmth, he didn’t know what to call it.

“..I’m sorry.” He begins with a soft tone, grabbing your hand gently and holding it to his lips as he presses a gentle, apologetic kiss to the knuckles of your hand.

“Oh, why are you apologising my love..? You mustn’t..” You whisper as you take his same hand that was holding yours and press it to your lips, now kissing his knuckles also.

A moment of silence passes before he takes a deep breath to answer. This would be a hurdle, but he knows he’ll need to jump for you.

“..I get like this sometimes.” He answers. “I get these thoughts. I like to think of them as dragons..because they’re like big and powerful. That’s what my thoughts are like.”

You nod in understanding, beckoning him to continue.

“..and sometimes they just get..too much for me to handle.”

You furrow your eyebrows in concern again, to which Dazai reaches his finger up and rubs your crease away.

“Don’t frown, you’ll get wrinkles.” He teases as a way to cheer you up from this confession. You let out a chuckle, reaching out to brush his messy hair off his face.

“You always look better with your hair off your face..” You say, to which you can see him smile. But not a sad one, oh no, this one was a genuine one. You could tell.

“I have been trying to control them, I don’t just let them haunt me.” He reassures and continues. “That’s why I’ve been away the whole day. I tried to go out for a walk early in the morning.” He shrugs.

“It’s also why I’m laying down here.” He confesses. “It..somehow relaxes me, calms me, helps me to organise my thoughts.”

You smile. “It’s unexpected, but healthy. I’m glad you’re finding better ways to cope, Samu.”

“Thanks my love.” He responds as he leans forward and kisses your forehead, to which you pull him in for a big hug, rubbing his back gently.

“..I’ve had a shit day..” You whisper.

“I’ve also had a shit day..” He whispers back.

“We’ve had a shit day.” You laugh into his shoulder, he laughs with you as he presses a kiss to your head.

He pulls away as he sits up, holding your hands to help you sit up too. You face him at the same eye level as you finally ask the dreaded question.

“..Why didn’t you tell me..?”

To this his smile slowly fades, but he smiles softly as he rubs your hands.

“To protect you, I guess. I don’t want to drag you down. Don’t want the dragons getting to you.” He jokes with the last part, to which you smile and say.

“I’ll slay dragons with you anyday.” You squeeze his hand, he squeezes back in return.

“But!” You swipe your hand away from his, to which he’s a bit taken back with.

“No lies next time. If you’re feeling down, please turn to me if you need a helping hand, okay?”

He smiles at your face, the face he loves so much. He takes your hand and presses one last kiss to your knuckles.

“No lies, only truths.” He promises, before he leans in to give you a sweet but firm kiss on the lips. “and kisses.” He smirks and gives you a cheeky wink.

“Oh wow.” You sarcastically reply, rolling your eyes as you can’t hide the smile you have on your face. “You’re adorable.”

At times like these, Dazai cherishes. He cherishes so hard that he feels that if you took his brain out he’d have memories literally ingraved inside his mushy brain of things he cherished.

You were the most kindest, selfless, and loveable human being Dazai could have ever asked for. He was so grateful for you.

Not only does he have a lover, but a friend, and also a partner he can slay dragons with any-day and night. No dragon was too big for the both of you.

✿ riiwrites 2024 ; please refrain from copying, plagiarising or reposting my work anywhere else without crediting.

- starting strong, i 100% see him as the kind of boyfriend who’d send you sweet messages throughout the day

- like “good morning, my belladonna! how is the prettiest woman in the world doing?”

- but then would ask you for favors…yup.

- BUT HE STILL MEANS EVERY COMPLIMENT HE TELLS YOU. the actual downside to this is that sometimes he’d completely disappear from his phone too

- …but he always rebound.

- absolutely loves scenery watching with you! i totally see him as the type to really enjoy going to a park with his lover, or a rooftop, any place where the world feels like it’s just the two of you

- he falls harder and harder for you every time.

- though dazai isn’t really seen to give back to people (mf doesn’t even bother paying his tabs) but i can see him buying you meaningful gifts

- like if he sees you staring at a certain something while you two are out, he’d definitely keep a mental note of that. or even a gift that represents something the two of you share <3

- even the other agents at the ada would be so in shock when they find dazai asking for GIFT advise.

- oh yeah. they definitely know he’s in love too.

- would totally read you one of his books (anything BUT his suicide manual) or even some of yours (if you have any) whenever it’s a lazy day or if you’re having a difficult time falling asleep.

- his voice is so soothing and calming, that shit would send you into a lullaby.

- OK BECAUSE WHEN HES IN LOVE. I CAN SEE HIM WRITING A BOOK JUST FOR YOU. OR SOME KIND OF WRITING PIECE. IM. IM. IM.

- now some of the angsty angst…

- there are times where dazais’ suicidal tendencies or thoughts take rancid in his mind, and that will obviously lead to many unhealthy things

- like retracting back to his drinking issues, reckless behavior, and mental neglecting

- and sometimes, this would lead him to run away or distance himself from you. not because he doesn’t trust you

- but he HATES even just the idea of worrying or burdening you.

- you obviously find out, and oh god. the hospitality you provide him.

- and there he goes again. absolute goner when you cook him his favorite dish, accompany him in baths/showering, holding him close to your body while you both cuddle in the night.

- you’d allow (or more so, make him) cradle his face into your neck, while you run your hands through his hair, kissing his hairline and whispering “i’m here whenever you want to talk”

- just ever so patient for whenever he wanted to open up.

- though you know it’ll take a while for him to open up entirely, you’d usually get back a “let’s stay like this, my dear” and or “thank you. this is more than i can ever ask for”

- and oh he wouldn’t even hesitate to do the same for you— cradling your head into his chest and whispering hushed comforting whenever you’re stressed out with work or a situation.

- if someone particularly did hurt you though, oh fuck.

- game time is over for dazai if someone ever made his darling cry.

- let. me. just. say. that.

- but do keep this man in check! there’s that possibility that he’ll step back into his old habits ;( no matter how many times he’ll try to push you away or make it seem like it’s no big deal— just remind him that he’s very much loved and cared for.

- butttt back to some more fluff!

- dazais’ kisses could stop the world, and his kisses are so filled with emotions and love.

- whether you’re crying or staring into his eyes, he’s going to kiss you— make you feel like it’s just the two of you against the world.

- even on the days where maybe he or you can’t necessarily communicate, the way his soft lips press against yours just reminds the both of you that you have each other at the end of the day.

- just his kisses itself, says so much.

- and he vows to keep it reserved for you <3

- he’d be so in love that he’d forget that he was labeled as an enemy to all women LMAO

- anyway, he LOVES forehead kisses. like LOVES. whether it’s from you or him kissing your head. it’s so pure and loving. help his soul.

- he also loves hugs, i think dazai truly loves physical affection— but with the right person of course.

- and with his lover, he’s clinging. like a koala. mf doesn’t understand personal boundaries sometimes that he’ll suffocate you with his tight hugs (affectionately <33)

- his absolute favorite sentimental combination with everything he loves to do with you is watching the city fly by your eyes, holding your waist from the back, and being able to whisper lovey things into your ears.

- “you’re so beautiful, my love” and you’d let out the softest laugh ever— kissing his check before complimenting him back ever so sweetly.

- uhhh why did his heart just flutter.

- his heart would be beating so fast. no joke, he thought he was going to die.

- it’s all so loving. no more facade. no more of any of that.

- it’s that reminder for another time to heal

- after losing his good friend. the only person who shed light into his life.

- dazai osamu has truly found his home again.

- and you’d know that too. when he finally turns you around for you to face him, stopping to watch your face in slight confusion, his lips slightly brushing against yours to finally whisper, “i love you, y/n.” before leaning in to kiss you with so much love.

- the world stops just for dazai and his reason.

- SO. MUCH. LOVEEEEE.

(NSFW) -> 🔞

- a little bonus to dating dazai. this mans sex libido is worth keeping an eye open 🤫

- let me just say, he’s good. he’s so good.

- port mafia dazai is crazy (the urge to write some headcanons for him too is kicking in…) but i do think ada! dazai is more softer, especially during sex.

- i think if dazai got into a serious relationship with someone he wouldn’t hesitate to lay his life for— sex would be so much more to him

- definitely would love missionary, allowing your legs to open wider for him as his thrusts are steady and raw.

- god he loves it when you throw your head back, your neck completely exposed for him to mark and kiss at.

- he’d even let you scratch and dig your nails into his back, covered with bandages or not. he’d encourage you rip that shit off when he’s THAT horny to think.

- your moans literally replay in his mind AT-LEAST 2 times a day.

- mf would be the “🏃” emoji the second you’re teasing him, wether it be sending him a quick message talking about how much you miss him..

- “osamu, baby…i miss you so much. come over when you’re done with the paperwork? i may or may not be wearing your favorite set ;) ”

- yup. he’s gone. completely off the grid.

- talking about sets, he loves all the different kinds of lingerie on your body! he would even suggest for you to try on the ones he would find when he has the opportunity <3

- “belladonna, what do i have to do for you to try this on for me…”

- then he’d flutter his eyelashes, eyes round to a doe, while holding the skimpiest lingerie set you’ve ever seen.

- psst! his absolute favorite lingeries are those simple yet sexy black garter ones *wink wink*

- or even at home, when you situate yourself on top of him, obviously dragging attention to his crotch area, slowly rotating your hips to rile him up while pecking the exposed areas of his neck.

- he’s gone again.

- even with the teasing, dazai manages to make you feel like the prettiest girl alive when your full naked body is displayed to him

- SOOO much and i mean SO. MUCH. body worship and praising. he’d kiss you from your lips all the way down to your legs while whispering sincere compliments

- literally could spend hours worshipping your beauty and dedicating the night to foreplay before entering you.

- his pace would be slow and steady, letting you adjust and feel comfortable with his presence

- your head would finally lull back with moans of his name before he picks up his pace to make you forget everything but you and him.

- he’d lean into your ear to whisper words of comfort, prioritizing your pleasure before his, like always.

- “fuck, you’re so beautiful baby, so good for me”

- “you’re so perfect, y/n dear. just like that mm.”

- dazai is a man of patience and he definitely takes that to bed with him

- yes, sex is so loving and sweetly teasing with dazai

- but i didn’t say this man isn’t a FREAK either.

- he absolutely loves pounding you from the back, moaning complete obscenities in your ear, quietly enough just for you to hear

- his hands binding your wrists behind you as his thrusts get rougher and faster.

- and all you could do is whimper and bite down your lifted dress to hush yourself

- all while he rams into your wet pussy from behind <3

- and oh…did i mention this would all be happening in a bathroom of an event.

- “ah ah pretty girl, keep that little voice of yours down” his other hand would grip your face to make you look at him, “wouldn’t want the other agents catching us, don’t you think?”

- wow a man who can make you feel like a princess to a slut so fast! we love that.

- but of course if you’re uncomfortable with semi-public sex or anything of the sort, he’d respect your boundaries 100%

- but if you’re into that…ignore atsushi when he asks why he can never find you and dazai.

- would definitely be open to any kind of kink.

- i see dazai actually wanting to experience a lot more with someone who he has emotional ties with (he’d honestly be more comfortable and confident)

- but for him, i see him being curious or very into sensory deprivation like blindfolding

- it takes trust to a whole different level in his eyes

- if you let him cover your eyes and allow him to take care of you, it’s field day for him.

- (also wouldn’t be entirely opposed to the idea of being blindfolded as well…)

- absolutely loved receiving oral.

- i think getting on your knees for him is the closest you’ll ever have him slurring words, just completely mindfucked with the way your tongue swirls over his sensitive tip

- …but that is a conversation for another day.

- has a strong fixation on fingering AND giving you oral. oh my god.

- he knows how to use those lanky fingers, and he’s cocky about it too.

- could also literally cum every-time you let him bind your hands to the bedpost while he finger fucks you

- not even giving his throbbing cock attention, all of that is stirred to the way you’re grinding your hips against his cum coated fingers.

- over and over again, until you’re moaning out his name

- just a little prepping before getting the bed to really start slamming against the wall whew.

- “cmon baby, cum on my fingers, show me how much you like my fingers fucking you like this hm”

- yeah if you haven’t noticed already, this mans’ dirty talk would also makes YOU cum on the spot.

- hits that sweet spot every single time. with his fingers, tongue, and or cock.

- he knows your body like the back of his hand

- but no matter what kind of activities you two get tied up in, aftercare is a must for this man.

- he’d assist cleaning you both up, making sure you’re absolutely okay every single time.

- then he’d let you curl up next to him, tucking you under his chin before caressing your skin with his fingers— humming to you into a slumber.

- he’d probably ramble on about something or tell you how amazing you are, kissing your forehead area— before exchanging that, “i love you”

- every single time

- he’d make sure your breathing stays steady and calm as you drift off, taking in the moment of silence

- he’d ever so silently thank whatever gave him the possibility to end up with an angel.

📰 : A/N -> ahhh i hope this is okay! i’ve never wrote head-canons before so i apologize if some parts seemed really dragged on lol but regardless, thank you for the love <3

-> reblogs are always appreciated 💌

the tussles of the light wind carrying across the flat land, caressing the bushes and trees that were decorated with natural autumn contours.

the bruising brown and orange leaves covering the grounds and brief city views, piles and stacks of tree branches and leaves ready to be blown away. the fall threatening wind brushing against the feathers of your cheek as your warm clothes heat from your neck down to your feet. the mans’ arm swung over your shoulder, letting out a comfortable sigh.

it’s nearly been a year now, or approximately nine months since christmas of last year. though there were times where you wished memories would of faded past the forgetting, it brought welling water to your eyes remembering but as you moved on— growing from those incidents.

it’s almost like you can’t regret it now.

nine months further, past that cold winter, you find the ever glowing love with dazai has expanded into something more open. more vulnerable, if you will.

throughout the new year, you watched as dazai progressively opened up to you more, from his concerns in the present to what anxiousness he may have for the past and for the future.

everything.

you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t easy working through, but he was trying. he was trying so hard everyday to let you in. you stayed patient, even something so little as to knowing how he felt about a certain situation or person ever so rawly was more than you can ask for. but everyday, he has never stepped back. never broken a promise.

he tried little by little everyday.

about a month into the new year, dazai had almost completely opened up about his life in the port mafia- though his life way before that, remains a mystery. but there was a certain day you could never forget.

the dimming lights flickering above your head as you walked hand in hand with dazai who was wearing a simple black tux. matching the rather simplistic black dress you wore. he stopped, staring above his head, making you turn yours to look at what had made him stop in his tracks.

your eyes glimmered, next widening as you connected the dots. dazai mentioned back when he was around the age eighteen, he and his fellow friends would always have a midnight drink at a local bar. that was their home. the place dazai had taken you to…

bar lupin

the sign, the bar sign, almost shuttering bright in the dark aura that surrounded the both of you— highlighting the man on the board as the words “lupin” drooped beneath the artistry. you lightly caress dazais arm, a gentle sign that everything is going to be fine.

the both of you walked inside, the rust of browns and wood sat in vintage silence. with zero words slipping past either one of you, dazai pulls out a stool for you to sit. his slim figure moving to sit on the left side to you. his brown tussled hair covering his eyes as he anxiously picked at the wooden table, keeping his view locked to the original spot he usually sat at many years ago.

no one would of thought he was anxious or atleast a bit uncomfortable in this situation, but you weren’t just anyone at this point. you moved your right hand to grab his, intertwining your fingers together as he finally looked up into your eyes.

he watched the dim lighting of the bar caress your warm cheeks so softly, your skin illuminating under the ceiling lights he hasn’t seen ever since his leaving. you scooted your stool a bit closer to his, enough that your arms merely brush each others, “thank you for bringing me here, osamu” you whispered quietly.

his mouth opened to say something, but no words slipped out as he just squeezed your smaller fingers, letting his body communicate. you moved your left hand to gently comb through his hair, comforting him as he stepped back into a realm of his past. the empty bar shuttered in the old creaking wood and winds that brushed against the walls, loud but silent.

peering over, the bartender approaches you both, apologizing for the wait until asking what you’d both like to have. before dazai could respond, you intervened, “three whiskeys please, thank you.” you smiled. the bartender smiles back at you before moving to gaze at dazai, you watched as he gives dazai an approved nod before disappearing.

“three whiskeys? i didn’t know you were that much of a drinker, y/n” you hear dazai softly laughed out, you moved your hands back to your lap, retracting them from dazais— you look at the alcohol stored above the shelves behind the bar counter, sinking in the opportunity that dazai had willingly opened the door for you to step in deeper into his life, “one is for you of course, my tolerance for alcohol is unmatched” you aired out with a laugh.

he didn’t question much further as the bartender proceeds to lay out the three small glasses of whiskey in front of you two, the circle shaped ice bouncing against the edges.

the lanky fingers, wrists covered in the newly wrapped bandages makes its way to grab the nearest glass before turning his figure to the right completely facing you, “heh, let’s make a toast y/n!”

you turn your body to face him, the black dress sitting ever so gorgeously on your body to his eyes. raising your glass in your right hand and your left hand motioning the third glass to his empty hand, “y/n wha-“

“for odasaku…” you hushed sweetly, pushing the adult drink closer, “toast for odasaku”

his eyes glistened, almost wide from your consideration. his mouth falling agape looking at the glass in your left hand, odasaku. fuck. he was too far in deep right now. so anxious he felt his entire body shaken up. he had suspected you getting another glass from another in the beginning but the name of his passed beloved friend rolling off your tongue— his heart was beating so fast. he moved his hand to take it from yours, ready to toast.

“let’s toast to a new year, new beginnings, we’ll both try.” you whispered out, “i love you osamu, i want to keep trying for you. i’ll keep fighting for you. for us.” before you could clink your glass to his, you stopped as his gaze remains doe eyed, almost child-like.

“y/n…i’ll keep trying. i will do to fulfill my position as a good man for you, odasaku, the agency, and for yokohama. thank you. i think we should toast to you.” he gently smiles, ever so genuine. your heart skips a beat as well.

“let’s toast to the past and the future” you motioned your glass high, awaiting for dazai to bring his two glasses up. you watched as his hands lift up his and odasakus’ liquor, nearly ready to clink against yours.

“to the past and the future” he hushed.

clink.

you rushed to down almost half of your whiskey, nearly slamming it against the table as you sniffled back the hard liquor, “yeah i lied…my alcohol tolerance is crap” you hiccuped out, nearly laughing the giddiness.

leaning over your giddy form, he places odasakus glass on the other side of you before sitting back down. he smiled watching you giggle from the alcohol, taking a gulp of his own before turning his head to look at your giggling form again. his figure stiffened as he feels the time slow down, everything was like in slow motion. on the right side of you, where he had place the whiskey. he notices a shallow silhouette of a finger tapping the edge of the glass.

your still giggling body covering the man a bit, making dazai move his view a bit forward to get a better look. his mouth separates as he notices the particular man. a certain man wearing a black lined button up, stubbles of hair prickling from his chin, the stern look kept on his face as his dark blue eyes watched the glass in front of him— only one would recognize that red hair all too well.

odasaku

he stares past you at the hazy figure, wondering if the alcohol was already getting to his head.

he swallowed down the thick saliva, almost making him choke as the man turns his head to look back at dazai, the palms of his hands sweating against the table as the figure mouthed something— almost like he can hear it ever so clearly.

“you’ve come far. i’m proud of you, dazai” the deep voice echoed through his head.

before he could respond or fathom the situation, your body leans forwards against the counter and he’s gone.

he blinks repeatedly before you notice his dazed out expression, “thank you, odasaku.” he whispered out even if it were his imagination. it felt too real to ignore— his eyes almost glossy.

you stopped giggling recollecting your stubborn attempt to chug the thick liquor, that clearly sent you in a laughing stock. reverting your eyes to dazai you quickly pulled yourself together as he looked like he just saw a ghost.

“osamu? are you okay love?” you asked, moving your hand to tuck a piece of his hair behind his ear.

his hand reaches up to grab yours, holding it close to his face, he smiles and nods.

“i want to kiss you, y/n” he leans close to your face before placing his other hand to pull your neck in, “then kiss me…” you hushed against his alcoholic lips before colliding.

“i love you, y/n” he kissed.

now it’s autumn, the first day of october as you both stand on the cliff side. the cliff you both had your first date at, the cliff you two resolved so many issues at. this spot was very important to the both of you, it was evident by now.

“it’s so beautiful today” you said, dazais scarf wrapped near your chin almost muffling your words. the trench coat of dazais swaying behind as you both stood watching the city for what may have seem like the hundredth time now, “it is, belladonna. it truly is.” dazai hushed before moving behind you, bringing his arms to hold your shoulders.

“you know, sometimes i really just want to know what you wrote in your letter from christmas” you laughed out, the thought drifting into your head the millionth time too. “well that’s too bad, we barley completed a year!” he chuckled out loud, disregarding the pout on your cold lips.

“but that’s sooo long, osamu! who knows if you’ll want to be with me by then!” you exaggerated, faking a bratty attitude as you cross your arms over your chest.

“ahh my dear, always so insistent that we open that little box to our letters. you can keep up with that attitude but it only makes you look cuter” he teased, before attacking the right side of your face with kisses, “ahh dazai!” you giggled out at his advancement.

he pulled away from your body, smiling at your flustered actions, the blush on the cheeks rising.

his eyes avert to the beautiful patches of flowers on your left side, those flowers.

the ones pinned on your work apron from when he had first got to know you.

“darling, look at those flowers” he motioned you, almost distracting you from something.

you watched as you turn to admire the flowers sway, taking in their beauty before they get lost in yokohamas’ approaching cold weather.

his body still behind you, leaving a small gap as you stared back into the distance of the city, savoring moments like this once again.

his right hand fiddled in his coat pocket, looking for a certain miniature box.

“you know y/n, you may want to reconsider your theory about if i’ll be in love with you by the next five years” you continue to watch the distance, falling confused, “hmm well how can you be so sure then” you quickly teased back out— not turning around to keep up that “bratty” attitude.

“oh belladonna, i’m sure…” he fished out the box from his coat. tiny enough to hold a quarter sized piece. flicking the box open, the item glistened under his brown eyes.

he bent down to meet the height of your waist, your back still facing him as you’re completely oblivious at what he’s trying to insinuate.

“maybe this will convince you”

you released your hands crossing over your chest to fall by your sides, averting your eyes to the side, “what are-“ you turn completely around to look at dazai. or rather down.

your hands shoot up to cover your mouth in surprise. there, dazai kneeled on one knee. holding open a small velvet covered box that held the prettiest jewelry ever— an engagement ring that was crusted with silver, diamonds and miniature pearls curling at the edges and one carved diamond flower situated ever so beautifully in the center of it all, your flower.

“y/n, i want to be the reason you smile everyday. i want to hold you and continue to try for you. i want tell you everything you want to know…i want to watch my flower blossom, as selfish as i may sound out to be…”

tears begin welling and drifting out of your eyes, completely taken back by this new position in life.

“…i want to be the best man for you. i want to be your water for as long as you want me to…”

“will you marry me, my flower?”

there, you fell on your knees too, nodding your head quickly as you threw yourself onto him. huffs and happy cries of yes repeating over and over again. his arms wrapping around your waist as two engaged lovers were born that day.

dazai never really believed in love. it was difficult for him to fully grasp that ideal concept. he’d then realize— not when he saw your face but when you saw his, that love was truly unexpected, isn’t it? even for a smart man like himself, it wasn’t calculated.

you pull away from his neck, grabbing his face to smash your lips against his. his mouth swallowing the “i love yous” passing your lips, returning the words back at you too.

he’d fully realize that the beauty of love is when you don’t expect it at all, or expecting nothing of it. but then, all of a sudden, there, right in front of him is everything he ever needed.

for that heart of his, empty as a plant vase, carried and watered his flower.

📰 : A/N -> OH MY GOSH!!! AAAHHH. i love him so much i can’t. my heart. his heart?!?!2$ yes. anyway, thank you for following me on this writing journey. much love <3

-> reblogs are always appreciated (´ω｀)

🏷 : TAG-LIST -> @dazaiscum

"Yeah, I'm fine." you murmur, looking away nervously.

"You look like you've seen horrible things. I’ll pour you a drink."

"Thank you." you muster a smile.

While you tap your fingers on your knee, waiting for Chuuya to prepare the drink, a voice interrupts.

"Are you here alone?"

A man in a cream-colored coat, khaki pants, and bandaged arms-quite eccentric. He has mousy brown hair, dark eyes, and a charming smile.

"Yes.." you answer after hesitation. “Why?”

His smile widens further.

"And you're single?" he inquires, leaning against the counter lazily, hand languidly sliding across the table to meet yours.

""I was supposed to be with a date...but he ditched me." you sigh.

"Ditch a sexy bitch like you? Whoever that asshole is, they're losing." scoffs Chuuya, interrupting the conversation. “Here’s your drink.”

You murmur a thank you and take a sip of alcohol. A few sips later, some of your inhibition starts to disappear.

"Right? I could show you a much better time. The name's Dazai Osamu, by the way." the brunette says in a sensual whisper, lifting your hand and kissing it.

“You tryna go for a ride through the city on my motorcycle?.” Chuuya offers, brushing Dazai to the side.

“I don’t think she likes short guys.” Dazai laughs, making Chuuya scoff.

“Yeah, well, I don’t think she wants some dumbass who walks around in bandages all the time, but here we are.”

“I don’t mind spending time with both of you.” you shrug with a smile, amused at how the two men subtly fight for your attention.

Dazai and Chuuya look at each other and smirk.

“There’s a storage room in the back where we have extra chairs, tables, and alcohol.” Chuuya says with a smirk, looking you up and down. You nod enthusiastically to give your consent.

Chuuya hoists you up in his arms, seizing your hips and leaving your legs dangling. His lips join yours, tongue teasingly running through your mouth. After you spend a long time in his arms while he carries you, he settles you on the bar table and you kick your legs in front in relief, stretching them outwards. You're feeling slightly tipsy; the alcohol has heightened your thirst for sex.

"Chuuya, my legs are aching." you moan.

"It's alright." he murmurs softly. "I'll sit you down here and we'll get ready for it."

Chuuya slips a hand behind your back, yanking the zip of your dress off, revealing you in lingerie.

"Oh fuck. Looks like that bastard who ditched you is missing out on a lot of fun tonight." he smirks, sliding a hand over your ass wrapped in lace. With a quick motion of his hand, he unhooks your bra and tosses it aside, massaging your tits.

"Ah, kiss me more." you whisper urgently.

He follows through with your request, gripping your hips and pressing lips together again. You pull away softly to suck in a breath.

“Dazai, touch me.”

“Mm..don’t need to tell me twice.”

Dazai steps closer, inhaling the scent of your hair first. Dazai’s lips graze your jaw, sliding down to your neck and collarbone as he leaves hot kisses. His finger disappears under your lace underwear, stroking your clit. The explosive pleasure sends moans rushing out through your lips.

“Oh..”

Dazai pulls out his length and slides it up and down your folds, teasing you. You moan at the throbbing feeling of it.

"G-give it to me..." you moan.

"Oh, I'll give it to you good." he groans, letting out a shaky breath. He strokes his cock while running it up and down, beating it against you over and over.

"Ah!"

Dazai lines up the tip and pushes it in, starting to push and pull just the tip, teasing you.

"Oh! Please, more."

He grabs your hips tightly as he holds you onto the table, gluing his lips to your neck and sucking. Then he pushes in the rest, bottoms out inside of you.

"Mmh! Fuck, Dazai.." you moan, letting your walls pull him in and absorb him completely.

"Mm, you're really going to suck me in, huh?" he breathes.

He starts to spasm in and out, grabbing your hips to move you back and forth against him, in sync with his own thrusts. You nibble his earlobe, running your fingers through his hair and yanking it in pleasure and stress. Arching your back against him, your tits rubbing against the fabric of his shirt, nipples harden up.

"I'm almost there...hffff." you pant, tightening your grip.

“Mm, that won’t do.” Dazai pulls out, edging you when he senses that you're about to orgasm. Chuuya sinks into you, exhaling loudly. He starts moving back and forth, making you throw your head back and grip the edge of the bar table.

“Ah! Faster...” you whine. He obliges by striking his hips against your ass, balls slapping against skin. While Chuuya fucks you on the table, Dazai's mouth moves to one of your breasts, kissing your nipple while he fondles the other one with his slender hands.

"Mmh...I'm going to cum.." you sigh, grabbing Chuuya's lustrous locks as you hold on for life. With a few more strokes, you finally come undone, releasing evidence of your pleasure all over him.

Dazai and Chuuya smile with pleasure at the vision of you fucked out on the bar table, both of them kissing you on opposite cheeks and stroking your hair affectionately.