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@brzattos
i have to remind myself that the sky is not falling, that there is no other shoe - independent, selective & low activity carmen ' carmy ' berzatto of hulu's the bear. written by ash / they them / 25+. must be over 21 to follow & interact. themes such as suicidal ideation, suicide mentions, cursing, drug abuse, depression and more will be present. mutuals only. - which is incredibly difficult because there is always another shoe. RULES UNDER THE CUT.
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ok i'm jumping back to hannibal, but like this to plot. i can give you my discord.
NADINE HUNT: WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? 'you're kinda, uh - standing right in front've th'door, so -' carmen empties his hands of the two filled trash bags he had taken from the kitchen, turning back to the other with an indescernable expression. 'dunno if you know how doors work, but people usually come in an' out've there,' free hands land on his hips. 'can i help you with somethin'?' @nadinehunt.
ERICA WEST: COULD YOU BE HAPPY HERE WITH ME? the question catches him off guard, for a lot of reasons. he is happy here with her - happier than he's been in a long time ; maybe ever. erica makes him feel safe, appreciated, possibly even loved. the feeling scared him, sometimes, but carmen planned to stick around in spite of that fear. brows crease a bit as he looks at erica, taking a drag from their shared cigarette before he passes off to her. 'what, uh... what d'you mean?' he finally asks, slow and unsure. 'do i not seem happy?' @roseguided.
MICHAEL BERZATTO: SO WHY'S IT SO IMPORTANT, ANYWAY? 'what - what th'fuck d'you mean? why's it important? c'mon, mikey -' carmen, trying not to look too incredulous at his big brother, stands much shorter than him, staring up at the man as if he's just twisted a knife in the younger man's gut. 'why would you ask me somethin' like that? s'improtant t'me, isn't that enough? huh? what th'fuck,' @yesbrther.
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𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐋 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐀 𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐘 figure to her while carmen was just her big brother. just like michael she remembers him at important events , she remembers how he helped with her homework , how he sat through little her smearing makeup on him. he probably saw it as some sort of endearment as a big brother , but as she’s gotten older jessica hopes he had some fond memories of it now that she’s no longer little. now that she’s , in her own mind , so messed up from their familial environment. now that she’s shrouded in grief & having the hardest time of her life . . . well, second hardest. it came pretty close. carmy left to follow his dreams & she was glad he was able too , but she’d missed him deeply. she was also a little upset at him for it — because , in some waves of emotions usually when she missed him the most , it almost felt like an abandonment. ; already she can see the way he wants to tense up , the way he wants to tell her no without even considering it. he’s been in her life long enough where she sees the micro expressions & the cringes in his expression to know exactly what it means. at the mention of someone else taking her , young woman grows defensive: ❛ what else do you think i asked you , carmen ? ❜ comes harsh response , ❛ fine, i’ll take-tha fuckin’ bus or steal mom’s car. ❜ jessica berzatto didn’t have a drivers license. jess closes her eyes , takes a deep breath , & then says: ❛ i’m sorry, that was bitchy. ❜ before reopening her eyes with the defensive nature disappearing. ❛ it’s ‘bout fifteen minutes away. in that richy part-a town. ya know the one with-tha old historical buildings. ❜ head gives a snake. ❛ you don’t even have-ta go in , carm. you can jus’ wait in the car. it’ll take like an hour at most , thirty if i refuse to open up. ❜
he's not being a good brother. sometimes, carmen is unsure he even knows how to be. jess had been the sibling he spoke with the most, while he was away, checking in on his baby sister, texting her whenever he missed her too much. he knows his leave of absense from the family felt like a betrayal to most of them, but if they got the opportunity, wouldn't they have done the same thing? to get away from the chaos, the neverending screaming and depression and misunderstanding that was a berzatto gathering. carmy fears tension will always be present between them, that he would always be blamed for abandoning his family. the least he could do was take jessica to a damn therapy session fifteen minutes away. 'okay, hey, hey - don't get like that,' hands are held up in defense as carmen shuts off the burner he had been planning to use. eyes meet jessica's for a moment before he turns to the others in the kitchen. 'gonna be gone for 'bout an hour - don't fuck anythin' up while m'gone,' they reply with the requested yes chef and carmy looks back to his sister, features less defensive. 'don't refuse t'open up, though,' carmy sniffs, walking past jess to find his keys. 'don't end up like me. or mickey,' grabbing his keys and his coat, he ushers jess out the door. 'you think i'd let you take th'bus? in this fuckin' city?' grin touches one corner of his lips. 'let's go,'
@brzattos: can you stop being so emotional right now ? / accepting.
her eyes are wide, & she didn't even realize there were tears. her ribcage feels tight, her posture rail-straight & stiff. is she breathing? she thinks she's breathing, but at the same time, her lungs ache. annette nods, though nothing else indicates that she's here at all. "s-sorry," she mumbles, gaze blank. (there's too much happening; it's loud & she's trying to make herself smaller, small enough to vanish.) "sorry."
he didn't mean that. he didn't mean to say it at all, but especially not as harsh as it had come out. eyes move up to nettie - carmen has had his own number of panic attacks, and he sees the signs, clear as day, on her features. 'm'sorry. that's not... i didn't mean t'say it like that,' not a good enough apology. carmy looks around at the chaos, wipes his hands on his apron, and ushers annette toward the back door. 'let's go get some air. alright? just for a sec,'
𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒
“ am i not good enough? ”
“ you’ve been so quiet. what’s on your mind? ”
“ why did you help me? ”
“ who do you fight for? ”
“ why do you hate me? ”
“ have you come to laugh at me in my miserable state? ”
“ you’re not dating anyone, are you? ”
“ i’ve got your back, okay? ”
“ where do you think you’re going? ”
“ how long have i been asleep? ”
“ are you going to kill me? ”
“ why can’t i come with you? ”
“ we all have secrets, don’t we? ”
“ did you want to be alone? ”
“ why should i trust you? ”
“ wait. did you hear that? ”
“ promise me? ”
“ why are you talking like we’ll never see each other again? ”
“ do you remember anything at all? ”
“ what? no witty remark? nothing clever to say? ”
“ you wanna know what your problem is? ”
“ may i have this dance? ”
“ can i ask… what happened? ”
“ how many people have you killed? how many? ”
“ do you ever hear yourself? ”
“ would you run away with me? ”
“ could you be happy here with me? ”
“ you can’t or you won’t? ”
“ you slept with them, didn’t you? ”
“ well, how do i look? ”
“ after all you’ve done how can i possibly trust you? ”
“ why can’t you let me in? what are you so afraid of? ”
“ what did they do to you? ”
“ so why’s it so important anyway? ”
“ where have you been? ”
“ why are you looking at me like that? ”
“ why did you come? ”
“ what are you doing out here by yourself? ”
“ is… that my shirt you’re wearing? ”
“ you… don’t like me very much, do you? ”
“ why does it always have to be a fight with you? ”
“ why can’t you look me in the eye? ”
“ can you forgive me? ”
“ what if i never see you again? ”
“ you were going to leave without saying goodbye? ”
“ how about a little midnight snack? ”
“ are you… smelling me? ”
“ how did you get this scar? ”
“ what do you want in exchange for it? ”
“ what did you want to tell me? ”
i love how many t.ed l.asso muses are following me. all of y'all are invited to come eat carmy's delicious food.
BUT IT'S NOT . . . independent, selective & low activity carmen ' carmy ' berzatto of hulu's the bear. written by ash / they them / 25+. must be over 21 to follow & interact. themes such as suicidal ideation, suicide mentions, cursing, drug abuse, depression and more will be present. mutuals only.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
he'd just come back inside from having a cigarette, and suddenly, carmen could use another one. there were so many things that still needed to be done, and so little time to do them in. his dream was so close, but still so far. the last thing he needed was random people wandering in from the street. 'you, uh... you talk t'someone named sydney? she's kinda taken care've th'hiring suff,' hands land on his hips, man glancing around at the chaos that was to be the bear before eyes move back to the woman in front of him. 'got a resume or somethin' i can look at, or should i just take your word for it?' @shegunner / cont.
it's teasing . it's not an intential dig at carmen's prowess or capabilities as a chef — it's a ploy , some lighthearted attempt at softening the tension in the air and easing both of their shoulders . he's here to chat with a friend and maybe learn a thing or two about bettering himself in the kitchen ( the one at home , of course ) , not here to berate or question an expert in the field . ❝ did i frighten you with that ? ❞ he grins , shaking his head . ❝ sorry . i'm only teasing — call it a defensive mechanism when i'm nervous . A PLACE LIKE THIS MAKES ME NERVOUS , believe it or not . ❞ sebastian flexes and stretches his fingers and studies the way carmen cleans his apron , searching for another topic to latch onto and ease them away from his bad jokes . ❝ you've got to show me that knife technique again , by the way , the one you showed me earlier . you went too fast with that . I NEED ANOTHER GO . ❞
he's not used to being around someone so lighthearted in the kitchen. he went from a michelin star restaurant - where everything needed to be perfect, nothing out of place, every piece of food a work of art - to an underdog sub shop where everyone yelled, screamed, and was stubborn enough to rarely take anything seriously. both chaos, in their own rights. showing someone how to do a few tricks in the kitchen was peaceful, and strange to carmen. it's not something he got much of. 'dont' be nervous - place is a wreck right now, my idiot cousin's runnin' around like he owns th'place - again,' carmy calls over his shoulder, and richie only flips him off in response. it was all finally coming together - part of carmen couldn't believe it. 'you sure you don't want a job?' the question is sarcastic, giving a knowing glance to sebastian before he picks up his favored knife once more, waiting for seb to do the same. 'so, uh - what made you wanna do this? cooking, i mean - everyone's got a reason,'
you can't tell me this man doesn't have autism. the lack of understanding of social cues alone would do it for me, but all the other signs... we love to see it.
like a moth to a flame, richie follows the heat. his hand rises in a gesture to the chaos swarming the kitchen- their crew much like a zoo that's gotten out of control, and now the keeper wants nothing to do with them. " oh, now that's fuckin' convenient, " richie starts, fingers finding a resting place on carmy's shoulder, holding him still for one fucking second. " once the goin' gets tough mister too-good-for-this-place fucks on outta here. this is your mess, cousin. nothin' woulda been like this if you hadn't come back here and tried to change what worked- "
cousin richie, always has something to say. as much as carmen once looked up to the older man, he was starting to realize richie might be one of the biggest problems with this place - never willing to change, wanting everything to stay the same. carmy shrugs out from under his hand, rubbing a palm over his forehead before he glances up at richie with controlled frustration. 'it was never fuckin' working, cousin,' his voice raises involuntarily, fingers still working at his pack of cigarettes. 'this is your fuckin' mess. i'm tryin' t'clean up your mess, richie - mikey's mess,' saying his brother's name causes a sharpness to spread through his chest. cigarette is taken and put between his lips. 'take five, chefs,' he calls to the rest of the kitchen, and then continues toward the back door.
𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐀 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐄 𝐀 𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐊 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌 𝐈𝐍 her gut. jessica shouldn’t feel hesitant to ask her big brother for something , for help. it was something small to her , something not even she liked going to because of how raw it made her feel on the inside , but something that hasn’t been her choice for a long time. carmen himself struggled with the idea of therapy & it seemed only sugar had convinced him to considering going to a support group. construction noises make her head hurt , they make her ears ring , but it’s go in & ask carmy or end up skipping a session. when she sees him, he’s lost in his own mind as he often is. somewhere distant , somewhere away from whatever is going on—she shared the feeling. a deep breath , a hand on his shoulder after name calling yielded nothing. ; he asks & jessica removes her hand to absently pick at her fingernails. a hard swallow: ❛ carm . . ❜ a pause , ❛ would you- . . do you mind takin’ me-ta therapy this afternoon ? it’s just . . ❜ expression cringes , blue eyes having down turned themselves. ❛ mike used-ta take me , but y’know . . & mom says she’s busy. says i’m old enough to go on my own, but that was never th’point. ❜ jessica rambled when she’s nervous , when she’s stressed. ❛ you don’t even have-ta go in or anythin’ ❜ / @brzattos
in spite of everything, family meant the world to him. he cared about his siblings, his cousins, his aunts and uncles - even his mother, despite everything she had put them all through ( he wasn't ready to forgive her yet, but love and forgiveness are two very different things ). there was a big place in his heart for his little sister. she'd come into the chaos last, and though she got some of the lunacy, he had tried to shield her from some of it, before he left home. the family had always made carmen feel bad for leaving, and so some form of guilt set ready in his chest. jess never scolded him for following his path, and so he supposed that's why she had such an effect on him. that doesn't mean he wouldn't tell her no. 'what?' face scrunches as he finally gives jessica his full attention, hands landing on his hips, surprised at the request. 'i don't, uh... can't someone else take you?' but he knew why he was the only one to do it. exasperated sigh escapes the man, hand rubbing over a sweaty face, aniexty filling him, even though he knew the session wasn't for him. 'bein' in those types of places, i don't... that's not really somewhere i wanna be, jess...' but it was important to her, and carmen found himself giving up as soon as he met her eyes. 'gotta lot've work t'do here... where, um... where is it?'
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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#thinking of your 'not-girlfriend' to stop your panic attack #ok then
THE BEAR (2.09)
good morning - carmy doesn't rely on a lot of people, but as soon as he's close with someone, it's possible for him to rely on them Too Much. as soon as he feels safe and comfortable someone, he tends to latch onto them, because that safety means the world to him.
