soft breaths

If Maia was trying to move on, then she was currently doing a bad job at it. Being around Bryson made her heart skip a beat and she felt like she always did whenever she was around him, the break up hadn’t changed even if there was a part of her that wished it had. He had been her world at one point and all she had wanted to do was make him happy. “Thank you, I appreciate that,” she smiled softly. “They said I’m incredibly strong and I’m allowed to reward myself with as much chocolate as I wish. Okay, they didn’t mention the chocolate part but we’ll keep that between us.”

Maia kept the smile on her face even if she felt her heart drop in her chest. She hadn’t seen him around campus for quit ea while but then again her mind had been occupied on other things and people. She’d spent a lot of time with Tommy lately, patching him up and arguing with him mostly. But she had to remind herself that she was mad with him, she however was not mad with Bryson right now. They may be cousins by they were entirely different. “Oh,” she looked at the cigarettes and nodded slowly, not wanting to tell him that it was bad for him, he already knew her view on that. “I certainly do feel healthier and better. Thank you for observing,” Maia smiled. 

Bryson took off his sunglasses and smiled softly at her, glad that was the case. Their break up had ended up being really har and all over the place, but Maia seemed to be better. Hell, she seemed better than he was. Moving on was harder than people had told him it would be. "I-I'm really happy that's the case, Maia." He admitted softly, pocketing his sunglasses and then looking back at her almost shyly. "What have doctors said?"

Bryson would lie if he said he hadn't been keeping his distance since his break up with Maia. He'd went back home for a couple of weeks, had told Warren that it was about check ups with his doctor and visiting, but really, he had just ran away for a little while. He'd needed it. And coming back, he had decided that keeping his distance from Maia made more sense. He was not expecting her to end up running into him, but then again, that was exactly how they had started anyway. "Uh...no, it's fine. I was, uh, distracted." He explained, showing her the pack of cigarettes before he put them back in his pocket. "Um...you're...you look better. I mean, healthy and stuff." He said slowly, definitely taking advantage of the fact that he was wearing his sunglasses and scanning her face with his eyes slowly.

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you.

“Oh, what? No kiss goodbye?”

“Uh, yeah. Kissing our cheeks it’s not something guy friends do around here regularly.”

“I don’t feel bad about it. Not anymore. At first I felt like it would be bad of me not to go… A surprise, really. I always figured I’d immediately reject any idea of returning,” he admitted, growing quiet again. Though Bryson and his family were incredibly generous, Warren had never once gone to see them at their home since college began since he couldn’t bring himself to go back to Texas. That he’d even consider a need to do so when it involved his own parents shocked him. “Maia came in right after I got the letter. I… I kicked my desk. I’ve never-” Warren cut himself off, knowing he didn’t need to tell his best friend about how avidly he avoided violence. His shame was far too prevalent at the moment. “She knows the truth. I didn’t really tell her much, but we talked a little. I’m going to try talking to someone. A professional. But I thought I should talk to you first. Not that I particularly want to chat about any of it. But you’ve… you’ve been there for a long time.”

“I think you owe it to ourself to now that violence is sometimes...a part of who we are. Being upset and hitting things, it’s different to...him, Warren. It’s not the same thing and you should never compare them.” He was slow withhis words, knowing  damn well that Warren was completely diffrent to his parents. He would enver hurt anyone on purpose and that was something that anyone that had met him could tell. “I think professional help is a good thing if you’re comfortable enough. You know, maybe they could help you forget that for real, get rid of some things...it will be good for you.”

@brysondalescott

He looked down at his lap as she spoke up once again, his heart breaking all over again. He couldn’t do this. It was ahrd and it was unnecesaary. IT was evne harder to hear her say that she loved him after what had just happened, because Bryson…he didn’t beleive her anymore when she said it. Because he loved her, but it didn’t feel as if she did. Even if she kept crying and if she kept saying it, actions spoke louder than words and what she had done with one of her friends right after their break up, it was doing the exact opposite of what love was. Bryson would never do that. Bryson would never sleep with someone to stop thinking about her even if it hurt like hell. “I don’t blame you for leaving. I don’t even blame you for sleeping with Aaron. I don’t blame you for blaming me for this. But you have to admit…that we weren’t happy, Maia. And right now…we won’t be happy, even if we’re in love, okay? And I know you feel terrible for what you’ve done…so I’m giving you all I can give you right now even if I know it’s not my place. I broke up with you and…I broke your heart, you’ve said it plenty of times. So I’m sorry, Maia. I really am. If I could change things I would. But there is no going back now…at least not- not right now. And I hope you forgive me. It’s not my place to forgive you for what you did with Aaron. It’s not. We weren’t together anymore…and it’s not my place. Does it hurt? Of course it does. I still love you. That’s never, ever going to change. I will always love you, no matter what.” Bryson said softly, sniffling a little and swallowing hard as he looked at her face. “I know you want forgiveness. And I forgive you, I’ll give that to you. I don’t want you to think about how it hurt me or not. You need to forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and it’s okay, Maia. You’re still one of the best people that I know. It doesn’t change because you did something that hurt me.” He whispered, blinking at her several times.

Maia winced at the mention of Aaron’s name and she dropped her gaze to her own hands, afraid to even look at him. “I didn’t mean to,” she said quietly but quickly stopped herself from saying anything else about the matter, it wasn’t going to make him feel better and she didn’t want to make him feel worse. Maia had let her insecurities get in the way and she’d let herself do something she couldn’t even imagine doing with another guy. This was her fault and he could forgive her as many times as she wanted, she could forgive him as many times but it was still her fault. This was all happening because of Maia and there was nothing she could do about it. The brunette needed to make it up to him, she needed to fix her mistakes and prove to him that her love was real. “I forgive you, Bryson,” Maia whispered, her gaze lifting to meet his. “Hurting you was never my intention and yet I still did that. I know there is no excuse to make whatever I did better or right. I hurt you and it breaks me to know that I hurt you. You probably don’t even believe or trust me anymore it’s alright. I’ll leave you alone,” she sobbed. “I won’t go near you, I won’t even show my face to you and you can move forward in your life. You can find a girl that will love you, a girl you’ll believe when she says how much she loves you. I’ll pay off my debt by leaving you alone and removing myself from your life.”

Her head tilted to look at him as the blonde’s head shook from side to side. “Of course you don’t sounds ridiculous. I know how that feels, but eventually light comes through and the trapped feeling has to end. If you want more though, never stop trying to reach your goals. Sometimes good things happen and start to make everything clear when you least expect it.”

Bryson sighed softly, looking ahead for a few seconds before turning to look at the girl with a small smile. "Yeah...thank you for saying that.I'm working on it. Being a better person, following my dreams. I just don't know how to do both, I guess."

He looked down at his lap as she spoke up once again, his heart breaking all over again. He couldn't do this. It was ahrd and it was unnecesaary. IT was evne harder to hear her say that she loved him after what had just happened, because Bryson...he didn't beleive her anymore when she said it. Because he loved her, but it didn't feel as if she did. Even if she kept crying and if she kept saying it, actions spoke louder than words and what she had done with one of her friends right after their break up, it was doing the exact opposite of what love was. Bryson would never do that. Bryson would never sleep with someone to stop thinking about her even if it hurt like hell. "I don't blame you for leaving. I don't even blame you for sleeping with Aaron. I don't blame you for blaming me for this. But you have to admit...that we weren't happy, Maia. And right now...we won't be happy, even if we're in love, okay? And I know you feel terrible for what you've done...so I'm giving you all I can give you right now even if I know it's not my place. I broke up with you and...I broke your heart, you've said it plenty of times. So I'm sorry, Maia. I really am. If I could change things I would. But there is no going back now...at least not- not right now. And I hope you forgive me. It's not my place to forgive you for what you did with Aaron. It's not. We weren't together anymore...and it's not my place. Does it hurt? Of course it does. I still love you. That's never, ever going to change. I will always love you, no matter what." Bryson said softly, sniffling a little and swallowing hard as he looked at her face. "I know you want forgiveness. And I forgive you, I’ll give that to you. I don't want you to think about how it hurt me or not. You need to forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and it's okay, Maia. You're still one of the best people that I know. It doesn't change because you did something that hurt me." He whispered, blinking at her several times.