BRULER

It's not easy being Gay but it's even harder to be Gay married. No one wants to admit it but going from a time where marriage wasn't even an option to a home with kids, a joint healthcare AND bank account is something that can be quite overwhelming! You're no longer worrying about going to the club or buying skincare for one; you have a relationship that says "For better or for worse." And in an age where Gays tend to log on to apps for one night stands and websites with never ending porn options, you have to wonder if Gay Marriage is even worth it. But when we look at our gay forefathers and mothahs, we thank God we can unite with the one we love and make it legit and legal. Here are 7 ways to make sure you're making your marriage the best it can be for 2018:

7. Listen To Hear Not Listen To Respond: Sometimes the best advice can come from a Canadian Housewife franchise and the words could not ring truer. We often forget that it's two men under one roof and that is a whole lot of testosterone. It's hard enough in a Man's World but when there's two men vying for the same position, hell hath no fury like a Gay scorned. Because in The Gay World, we often are outspoken, blunt and to the point, this can seep into a marriage that doesn't always call for that. It's always important to listen to hear and not listen to respond. We ALWAYS need to get a word in edgewise and that's not the very best tactic. It's not about winning an argument but if the two of you can see eye to eye. A marriage, gay or straight, should always be about compromise. If your partner is frustrated and you can't sympathize with him, how are you suppose to help them move forward? Yes, I said "Help Them." There's no longer and "I" in your life but a "We." When you listen to hear, you start to get the things that bother a partner; sometimes listening is good even when there isn't an issue. Always understanding a partner without self gain is a gift that keeps on giving. Happy husband, happy life.

6. Unconventional Challenge: We're living in post modern times and we're acting like it. Jobs are no longer just 9-5 but online, part time, at home or with one another. Sometimes one partner stays home and that's okay. There's nothing emasculating about a house husband. Never mind the riff raff about "Have your own things" or "What if he leaves you." That's your personal business. Everyone has their way of doing things and if you stepped in to school them on their roles they wouldn't be too happy now would they? People have a tendency to mind everyone's business except their own so give them a reality check once in a while. What works for the two of you works for the two of you. That is what a marriage is. If you both work that's okay too! The more money the merrier. Imagine the tax return honey!! Yes! Don't forget to file joint income tax.

5. S.E.X.: Let's not pretend like Gays are taboo to this subject. We've never been and we never will. In fact, Gay History has always been seeped in sexual revolution. But you've put a ring on it. You have the same address; you have two kids. A Mortgage. You're still paying your car. Are you in the mood for sex now? The reason why there's a joke about marriage killing your sex life is because with marriage comes great responsibility. You're juggling a bunch of stress, life changes, financial burdens etc and even though that doesn't mean you can't have a great sex life, it can certainly put a damper on it. Being open is always key without keeping one another in the dark. Have date nights, explore sex toys, don't be afraid to have fantasies or even resort to open relationships. Who cares? As long as your safe, you trust each other and you stay committed. It's always a risk to have an open relationship because there are people who are attracted to breaking up couples, but if you love someone enough, you can last through anything. Just make sure the guy is from another state or country and you don't see him every time you go to the grocery store with your kids to stock up on Gogurts.

4. MORPH'D: Just because you are in a committed relationship with a diamond around your finger doesn't mean you have to lose your identity or morph into one personality. It's always so annoying to end up at dinner parties and see couples finishing each other's sentences and having a very like mind. While it's nice to have a beautiful connection, it's important to have separate points of view, different styles and different ways. You shouldn't stop living your life because you got married. This often happens in a marriage and it eventually stifles things. "Why are you going out like that? You never go out like that." Suddenly becomes the concern of the day when it doesn't need to be. Allow your partner to express himself and you are allowed to do the same. I guarantee that individuality really makes a marriage thrive.

3. But You Say He's Just A Friend: A marriage is a serious thing and an all out commitment. This is your life partner so make sure you surround yourself with people who respect that. If your friend has too much to say about your husband or gives you unsolicited advice on how to handle a situation, you might want to make a new friend. While we all love a good ride or die friend, he knows better than to meddle into your business. And if you're spewing out too much info, you may be a bad spouse by putting your personal business out there. We all need a shoulder to cry on or a friend to confide in, but if you're giving fuel to a flame, your whole marriage may go up in flames. Sometimes a good friend is just trying to have your back, but any decision you make concerning the welfare of your relationship is yours alone to make. Sometimes a "friend" is waiting for you to have a vulnerable moment to make a move. We've seen so many of those. So understand that your husband comes before your friends. But what if you have a friend that your husband doesn't like or feels threatened by? This is not confusing or odd AT ALL. Your husband loves you and you guys married each other for a reason. If you have to have a sit down because of a friend, chances are it's a legitimate concern and you should be cautious with that person. You don't have to stop being his friend you just have to look for the obvious signs. A husband who truly loves you would never make you lose friends you care about. If that's the kind of husband you have, you just have to speak and reason with him and let him know that it's important you have these people in your life and he should already know that. But if you know deep inside some of those friends are toxic or want to get into your pants, you might wanna cut the act and get rid of those people so your marriage is happier. Sound fair? I think so!

2. Miss U, Kiss U, Love U: Sometimes in ALL marriages, one or more spouses may feel suffocated or stifled in their marriage. They may question secretly whether they were ready for this or not. It's normal and nothing alarming. We're all human and questioning things is what we do. The thing is, how do we react when a husband sits you down and tells you these things? You might feel the same way and find out this marriage is not for either of you OR you may talk it out and understand each other's points of view. Pin point what's making this relationship so claustrophobic and boring. Sometimes its just a moment that passes and you guys don't have anything to worry about. Sometimes it's serious and the more you understand what's going on the better tools you have to assess the situation. No one wants to hear that their husband is unhappy in a relationship but its better to know than not to so you know what to expect. I can't tell you how to resolve personal issues but I can tell you that most things are fixable. Sometimes you need a break to miss each other, sometimes its just better sex or time together or sometimes its time to just let it go. If the latter is the case, don't end it on bad terms especially if kids are involved. You never need to start being petty just because you're getting a divorce. Be civil, be cordial and respect one another's decisions whatever that is.

1. Love Will Keep us Together: I know it sounds funny but LOVE can keep you together. LOVE is beautiful and is why you two got married in the first place. Light candles, run a bubble bath for two, send each other postcards and pictures, make it to an event, be thoughtful, cook a nice meal. Sometimes in marriage it's what you don't expect to do that shows all the love. He may come down with a fever or pneumonia and you might need to bathe him. He might get diagnosed with HIV or Cancer and you hold his hand through it all. He might need you when a parent dies or simple things like a fight he has with a sibling. So many things happen in life and marriage begins to show you what love REALLY is. And as the two of you get older, you're gonna need each other more. You start to write your lives in each other's hands and hearts. He might have to make the decision to pull the plug, or you might have to know what to do with his things when he dies. These are things you don't immediately think of but will have to endure one day. Paying for your child's tuition, saving money together, traveling, dealing with job loss or a promotion. LOVE is what keeps the wheels turning and not coming off. If you can sit there alone after some time and think, "I don't see myself with anyone else but him, then LOVE is ALIVE. The good and bad. Look forward to it all. Together.

DRAGULA is a cult phenom but before there was DRAGULA, tell me about your childhoods. Well we were exactly like we are now, only smaller and trapped in normal people’s houses in suburbia. Threats were made, violence was had, schools were burned… it didn’t work out so we ran away to New York City to make a name for ourselves. It was like our very own version of the movie “Working Girl” only more satanic.  

I tuned into Season 1, but it’s really Season 2 that has really made a mark with the fans. What changed and what remained the same? The series got picked up by a network so that changed everything. It allowed us to produce the show at the level we initially wanted to. Season one was sort of a pilot season – we produced it ourselves so the budget was small and we had very few resources. The soul and concept of the show was there, but production wise we couldn’t get it to where we wanted until season two. That being said, season one is so iconic and the contestants were incredible. Amazingly, we were able to remaster season one and rerelease it on Amazon Prime with new color, new sound, and a lot of additional footage that has never been seen before and people are loving it.

This season of DRAGULA has been so artistically and visually pleasing. You both are featured in the beginning like an old Hollywood Hitchcock series that always sets the tone for each episode. Tell me about that process. (The knife chase with the red doors was truly my favorite) So the show is based off of an actual nightlife event that we produced and hosted. We opened each night of the event with some sort of campy, horror themed introduction from us and we wanted to use the same formula for the tv show.

Season 2 has been pretty explosive: rivalries, self doubt, mutilation...you know the typical things that bring families together. How was it to try and understand these girls AND judge the competition? One of the main goals of the show is to produce new punk, alternative queens that we can send out to the world with the potential to influence queer culture. Part of that process is helping them polish their skills and improve as queens, but the other part is to help them develop socially and to help them find their voices. When they first arrive, some of the queens are used to being disliked or marginalized in their communities back home and so they come in defensive or shy. We try to push them not only to overcome their fears and complete challenges that they didn’t think they could, but we also try to help them to build self confidence and belief in themselves and their art.  

Drag is hard. There are so many kids out there trying to slap on some paint and call themselves drag queens.  What is your advice for up and coming drag wannabes that want to be GREAT. Figure out what you’re good at and what you like doing and then work hard at being better at it. Whether you are good at makeup, or you take pretty pictures, or you’re a performance artist or a singer, just push yourself to be the best at whatever you enjoy doing.

You both are so polished and pressed when you appear onto the scene, but has there ever been a moment where things went wrong and one or both of you refused to appear because of it? Thank you, and no we have never refused to go on stage. We have discovered that if you refuse to go out on stage the club won’t give you money, so it’s something we avoid doing at all costs.

What are your thoughts on RPDR then and how its evolved? I think it’s great that RPDR has been able to achieve the mainstream success that they have – they’ve pioneered a whole new genre of television and queer business so we both think that’s great. Clearly they are doing a great job and it’s impressive. That being said, one of the side effects of their success is that there is a certain aesthetic of drag that’s being pumped to the masses and it’s sort of redefining the culture of drag worldwide and leaving a lot of artists behind. While it has created incredible opportunities for drag performers, it could be argued that it has also eroded some of the culture’s origins. Our experience with drag is very gritty, political, gay and adult, and you don’t see a lot of that represented in the family friendly version of drag that is becoming a phenomenon today. Regardless of all that, the show’s evolution has been incredible and how amazing is it to see queer creators build an empire from the ground up like that? It’s impressive. Also, I don’t want to say too much more because if Dragula doesn’t work out, you might be seeing us on season 17.

Okay so the fans are gonna love this: DRAGULA has been picked up for a Season 3. How does it feel and when can we expect casting to begin? This season is going to be like riding a rollercoaster through hell. We’re going to sit you down, give you some popcorn and blow your wig off your fucking head. It’s going to be a historical event for queers everywhere. Seriously it is going to be major. Stay tuned!

Do you two ever get noticed outside of drag when you're doing normal things? And what normal things do you two do when you're out of drag? You know how you never see us out of drag? Well you’re not going to read about it either.

I've seen how intense this competition can get and it’s taken a life of its own. These girls really feel connected to this show and what it represents. How do you feel about that? It makes us feel great, and they should feel connected to it. These queens are like our family now and we will always look out for them and be there for them.

Has there ever been a decision on DRAGULA that watching back, you instantly regret? We regret not hooking the entire cast up to the lie detector test in episode five because we’ve thought of about five million questions we would have liked to ask some of them in retrospect.  

By the time this interview airs, there will be a new Drag Supermonster crowned. What can we expect of this new queen once she begins her reign? I think she’ll probably be eating a lot of pizza on Instagram. I don’t really understand it, it’s gross. Anyways, once she is full, you can expect her to be beautiful, disgusting and amazing. Biqtch Puddin is a captivating performer and she’s going to be touring around the world being filthy and having fun and we can’t wait for everyone to meet her in person.

DRAGULA S2 Winner: Biqtch Puddin

What's in store for The Boulet Brothers in 2018? Well the third season of the Boulet Brothers Dragula is going to be massive this year and take up the majority of our time. It’s just getting very big very fast and we want to pour everything we have into it. We also have some other TV projects in development starring some familiar faces but we can’t talk too much about that yet. We’ll be launching our DRAGULAWORLD event later this year, we have some incredible live events coming up and we’re also going to sneak in some touring too (we’re headed back to the UK and Australia later in the year). Finally we have our annual world famous Halloween Ball coming up in the fall as well. It will be our nineteenth year producing it and it is literally one of the parties everyone in the world should make it to at least once. Last year we had Elvira on stage with us, Clive Barker has been involved with it for about six years and it’s just an incredible experience. It’s something like a gigantic horror, sex themed nightclub mixed with a haunted house.

All right that’s it for now, thanks for having us and thanks for watching the show uglies! We’ll see you all soon xxoo

Interview By: Xavii Matisse ©

BOULET BROTHERS PRODUCTIONS

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On the train to see Professor Graves, riding across a raised trestle track, I witnessed a stretch of flat clayfield bordered by dark squat buildings, ugly clumps of boxy shingled things. I sighed, saddened by the waste of design, lack of ingenuity and the immense number of soulless structures thrown together every year. It rattled me in an unexpected way and, staring out at winter clouds hanging low over the desolate landscape, I choked up with a deep sense of loss. I was relieved as darkness came and the train pulled into my station. The evening had turned frigid. There was an old Plymouth, rust-spotted and without a back bumper, hovering in the parking lot. A dark wiry man hopped out and waved to me.

“Taxi?” he said loudly. He smiled as I approached. He had no front teeth, no coat despite the cold. The street bordering the lot was empty. He swung open the back door, smiling still, and I stepped in. The seat fabric was torn, and one window had a long crack down its center, like a finger pointing to hell. There was no meter. He got in and took off before I could speak. Music blared, a wild jangle of drums and chanting in a foreign tongue. I thought of Tangiers. “Where now, mister?” he yelled.

I gave him the address. He drove quickly, singing with the music, one hand on the wheel, the other rapping the steering wheel in time. His window was wide open to the bitter wind. The car jostled chaotically, the road uneven at spots. I stared out the window at drifting clouds. In the sky’s shapes, I saw towers rising. They were those wonderful shape-shifting clouds, moving quickly in the cold night wind, growing tall, then squat, the type of clouds a child might be fascinated by for hours while lying on a summer’s lawn. At the end of a slightly haunted suburban street, Professor Graves’ home was Victorian and grand. The place was decayed with exterior paint peeling and bleak tangled vines slithering up its brick walls. A chubby dark-haired maid showed me in, took my coat and left me in the living room which was lit by a huge, deeply-recessed fire place. There was sherry in a carved crystal glass decanter on a table along with two snifters.

The wild licks of flame and wide shadows emerging from the fire turned the liquor a golden red, the heat pressing at me, then into me. I imagined the flames were heating up my guts. The room was finely decorated with elaborate antiques, oil paintings and clocks. I recalled the sound of clocks chiming during my phone call that morning. I was intrigued by an odd chair near the front window. It was large, nearly like a throne, made entirely of wood. I saw it from the back, its claw legs, its dome-shaped top half-lit with shadow from the fire. I fell into a trance, imagining the chair’s back as a turret. I thought of Tad, of the Wolfe project, then got up and went to the chair to see the front. It was magnificent.

The thick wooden arms, which sloped up to connect to the back, had two carved figures at the hand-rest. The entire chair was intricately carved with vines, flowers and cherubs. Two anguished faces jutted out from the top of the chair’s back, as if they were struggling to release themselves. “It’s a jester’s chair from an old English monastery.

My lover collected antiques. Of course that was a long time ago.” Professor Graves hovered in the doorway. He had on a tweed suit with a colorful lavender-striped pattern and a vest. His pocket square was teal. His gray hair was slick and neatly combed. I imagined he was in his early 60s. He went to the fire and poured each of us a drink. I followed and sat in a chair near the fire. “You were such a favorite of mine,” he said, sitting in an identical chair, facing me. He wore wooly slippers, which seemed an odd contrast to the suit. There were tiny deer leaping across the front of the slippers. He handed me the glass of sherry. “Was I?” I said, remembering that solitary kiss.

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I remember taking the Greyhound to Houston, Texas coming from New Jersey, and there was a long line. This was the third connection I'd made and I was exhausted. Carrying around a few bags, I listened to my music while I waited to check in. Suddenly, my headphones got caught on my jacket and snapped and I was visibly upset. The guy behind me who was Mexican, reached into his bag and without hesitation, handed me a pair of headphones. "There you go! I know how it is to be without music on these long rides." "Thank you so much!"

We proceeded to get on the bus and he sat next to me. "I'm heading back to Houston to see my wife. I've been gone for a while and I can't wait to see her." He pulled out a picture and said, "This is Kelly and my daughter Raye." This man seemed proud of his family and his eyes welled up when he spoke about them. His name was Guadalupe and he lived in Houston, Texas but was coming from Louisiana because of work there. He was undocumented and was trying to make a living for his family. Because Texas is predominantly Mexican-American, he said he was shunned by his own community because he could not afford paperwork and staying legally in this country.

"They say they are a community and help each other, but Mexicans who come here and have babies born here in the USA tell their kids to look and act white and to not speak Spanish. They don't ever tell you this but its true. They feel that it will give their children a better future to submit to White people rather than challenge the 'norm.' And then the ones that are newly undocumented, well they don't help much. Some people are very welcoming but my very own people have looked down on me. I don't expect people to help though, so I look for whatever work there is to support my family. This time around, it's in Louisiana. And pretty soon I'll move my family down here. Its hard because if I do the move and I lose my job because of ICE, or before I get my paperwork to be legal, I can be deported and what will happen of my family?" This was in 2000.

A few years later, I was a server at a very popular restaurant in Philadelphia and as I waited for patrons to come and dine, I stood next to one of the bus boys and talk to kill time. His name was Reimundo and he was an undocumented Mexican. He was super polite, soft spoken, well mannered and kind. He did everything with a smile and never asked questions. I asked him if he planned to go from bus boy to server because of his demeanor and professionalism.

He looked up and said, "I cannot." "How come?" I asked. "You'd be great!" As naive as I was, I asked those questions. I'm a Puerto Rican. We're American citizens. Born and raised in New Jersey. While I have faced racism I could never walk in the footsteps of Reimundo. I never had to move to a new place and learn a new language. In a place where they didn't want me. Where I don't really exist because I can't afford a visa/citizenship. That I would be giving myself away if I tried to apply because I was already in the country illegally...simply because I wanted a better life for myself and too often times my family. I can't even imagine how that feels. Where do I go? Where do I stay? What do I do? As Americans, we complain about a lot of things, but this is a whole other level.

If you're harassed or a victim of crime, who do you go to? Many undocumented people never see a doctor or a lawyer or a cop simply because they are afraid to be reported and taken away. Reimundo looked and me and said, "I begged for this job. I have friends who know the owner and they told him I was a hard worker. He liked me and here I am. I can't become a server. It's too suspicious." "So how long have you been in America?" "3 and a half years." "Did you come with your family?" "No. I came alone. My entire family is in Mexico. I came here for them. There was no jobs in Mexico. Nothing. My family was facing extreme poverty. My mother was getting sicker. I needed to do something. She told me not to come because she feared for my safety, but I would do anything for my mamita linda."

I didn't ask him how he got here because I felt like I was already being intrusive. But he told me anyway: "I ran. I ran and ran and it took a long time but I finally got over." He paused and walked over to a table to pour water. He came back and opened a small booklet he had in his back pocket. "This is my saint of a mother." "When was the last time you saw her? Does she come here to visit?" "I haven't seen my mother physically since I came here. 3 and a half years. And I miss them like crazy." "Don't you ever feel lonely and want to hug them? I know if it was me, I'd go crazy." "Well, yes of course! But I am here working hard for them. Every dime is for her and my brothers and sisters. I leave here and I go to my other job. I repeat. This is my life. I made this sacrifice for them. I don't regret it one bit."

With the hostility of The Trump Era almost 17 years later, you'd think being an illegal immigrant was the worst crime ever. But actually, early settlers of America were the first immigrants and basically claimed America for their own. There wasn't formal paperwork like there was to keep slaves or free them; there were no laws against them. And as they established their usurpation, they made their own laws according to land ownership and everything else. By the late 1800's, they sent for their families. It wasn't relatively easy to get on a boat and get here, because late 1800's immigrants faced racism themselves in America. But they eventually came over and made their place in every fiber of American History. Because of immigrants we have a melting pot of food, culture, jobs, education, art and everything else you can name of.

It seemed that if you were from Europe, America was a sure fire way to get ahead in life. But for Asians and existing African Americans this was not the case. There were rules in place during The Gold Rush of 1849. When The Chinese heard of these opportunities, they migrated to America but Americans weren't too happy about that. They put in place The Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 to exclude The Chinese from taking advantage of The Gold Rush. The opening of Ellis Island in 1892 was truly the first Federal Immigration Station. While Europeans struggled to make their place in America, they eventually fit right in by designating parts all over America where their like kind was. Laws favoring European countries for immigration ended in 1965 and allowed Asians and Latin Americans to make their way to America for a "Better Life."

But it wasn't a very good life for Latin Americans. They were stereotyped, made fun of in pop culture, were designated as "Lovers" and "Salsa Dancers" and were ridiculed for their accents. It's always been hard for Latin Americans to climb corporate ladders because a Latino was not seen as a formidable opponent in the business field. To this day, you can count on your fingers the number of Latinos who have won Oscars and in 60 years of The Grammys, very few Latinos have performed LIVE. In fact, you can count on your fingers how many have.

Latinos have been discounted in American History even when we make history in America. There have been limited views of immigrants and their descendants so how do we expect America to understand an illegal immigrant at all? It doesn't surprise me one bit when Middle American White People on The Right shake their finger at illegal immigrants. Those are the very people that employed them in fields, in the back of kitchens and everywhere else. As soon as a dictator like Trump stepped in and said they'd get tax breaks, they sold them out on a dime. That's the American way sometimes.

America is an Immigrant Nation. A rich, colorful nation that have borrowed from our customs, creativity, culture and the list goes on and on. I have to remind you that not every white person feels the same way many do about illegal or legal immigrants. And millions agree that we should be a country of opening our arms and welcoming all. But at the same time, they do need to be more vocal about it, especially during this time. These are the times where being white and vocal really matters. But do not mistake the rest of America and every race and ethnicity...WE do not need a white face to lead us; but we do not mind the allies.

Here are some reasons America should get off their moral high horse: Most of our cities, states and counties are named in Spanish, you just don't know it because white people butcher pronunciation of foreign language! All joking aside, some white people from the reddest of states live in counties that are either Spanish, Native American or of some foreign language. Remember America is rich in diversity even way before immigration became common. But that's another American History lesson on how The French, The British, The Spanish made their marks in America.

America is an Immigrant Nation. The most famous restaurants and foods white people absolutely love and frequent are Mexican Restaurants. In fact, they think every Latino in the world are Mexicans and think we all make mole and tacos. If we're in 2018 and most Americans didn't know Puerto Rico was part of The United States, you can imagine how immigrants of any nationality today are hesitant to come here.

And when we hear "We need things made in America again" these are from people who had no problem sending off their products to be made in China because it is cheaper. In fact, America has relied on China for a long time in terms of trade relations and everything else. Even Trump who co-signed on this slogan has his products made anywhere but America. And while some American companies boast they now make everything in America, its simply a fad and they will return to investing with The Chinese and everyone else. So where does this leave immigrants today?

Well, Trump is looking into keeping Illegal immigrants and probably legal ones from getting government benefits and government housing. He's trying to build a wall (which is really a verbal threat more than anything), he's bad mouthing immigrants of all kinds and he's trying to discredit ethnicity in general. He's stripping away sanctuary cities and wants Europeans to infiltrate Puerto Rico to boost the economy and migrate to America to replace immigrants. In other words, MORE WHITE FACES IS BETTER.

It all comes down to Trump's presidential victory and the true colors of a weak minority called White People; who will certainly do anything to destroy any race that isn't their own. Once a land of the free, America has become the most racist modern country in the world. Other countries laugh at us, our president and the policies. Trump is destroying everything with the help from half the country. But this doesn't kill the resilience of The American People (and by American People I mean those who aren't traitors); We will persevere, we will grow, we will continue to allow immigrants and we will celebrate every national and cultural tradition of ALL including white people.

America is an Immigrant Nation. Say it loud, hold it in your heart and cling to it. I leave you with this: O beautiful for spacious skies, For amber waves of grain, For purple mountain majesties Above the fruited plain! America! America! God shed His grace on thee And crown thy good with brotherhood From sea to shining sea! O beautiful for pilgrim feet, Whose stern, impassioned stress A thoroughfare for freedom beat Across the wilderness! America! America! God mend thine every flaw, Confirm thy soul in self-control, Thy liberty in law! O beautiful for heroes proved In liberating strife, Who more than self their country loved And mercy more than life! America! America! May God thy gold refine, Till all success be nobleness, And every gain divine! O beautiful for patriot dream That sees beyond the years Thine alabaster cities gleam Undimmed by human tears! America! America! God shed His grace on thee And crown thy good with brotherhood From sea to shining sea!

I'm just going to dive right into it: Being overweight in The Gay Community is still frowned upon. No matter how much social media tries to glorify body positivity and try to look the other way, an overweight guy is still the most shunned in The Gay Community. In fact, "Fuller" men have had to adapt to different sub genres to fit in. If you look at men who are overweight in The Gay Community, they always feel the need to pretend like they don't need to validate themselves; they rely on hashtags like "#THICC" to reassure themselves they are still attractive and desired. But even those words have been taken over by much thinner guys who think having a big ass means they are "THICC."

When a "Fuller" gay man walks into the room, he is often expected to be funny, cute or have a girl best friend. A "Fuller" works harder at commitment, responsibilities and acceptance in The Gay Community. "I don't mind a guy with a little stomach" they say. But that isn't necessarily true. In my experience in The Gay Community, I've heard gay men say they are with bigger guys because they can be the "cute" one...meaning the fat one is not capable of getting attention. I've also heard gay guys say, "I'd date a fat guy. I just need him to not be too big and have a big dick."

So often, "Fuller" men are ostracized even in their own friendships. Stereotyped as "Handsome" "Desperate for attention" "Lonely and Sad" and "I feel sorry for him." It doesn't help that thinner gays don't hide the fact that if there are 8 fuller guys in the room and 3 "thin" ones, they will gravitate towards the thin ones. They'll sit there and say, "Not true! I don't mind a bigger guy." But the truth is, if it doesn't meet their standards on how a fuller man should be and act, they don't want them. Fuller guys understand what I'm saying. They're constantly inundated with images of hot gay men in speedos and on the beach and being super gorgeous they know that they would never get the Instagram followers the "hotter" guys get.

The Gay Community has set them up to fail. They cannot win at hooking up because automatically they are blocked or ignored, they can't win in clubs because they are seen as the sidekick and they cannot win on social media because they do not mirror the beauty standards of today. And even the little strides made in plus size male modeling, its apparent the model has to be extremely good looking and super Ohio boy next door to meet people's approval of what they allow.

Then we run into the health issues and what other gay men project onto fuller men. "You need to work out for your health...you need to do it for yourself." What they're really saying is "I'll date you and consider a relationship if you lose weight." No one really needs to tell anyone to go to the gym. Look at the guy from The Biggest Loser...he had a heart attack. There are many men who live gym lives and then get hit by a car. It should be no one's business how much anyone weighs. But our society forces us to repulse bigger people by placing smaller chairs in offices, not providing the right sizes and hiking up prices. They make bigger people buy double chairs in airlines to shame them and then when they have plenty of space, passengers assume the fuller guy is being greedy with seats by taking up two.

"There's always room for improvement" says one friend who is a go go dancer at a club. His fuller figure is not a scarlet letter on his chest. But even though he dances the night away, secretly he knows he has to work twice as hard to be accepted. Fuller men are seen as "gross" and "ugly." People think they stink or eat everything in sight. People don't understand that most overweight men have thyroid problems or have issues losing weight. But even the most confident fuller men know deep inside that if they don't work extra hard to look nice and exude "good looks" they will not survive in the Gay world.

In the gay community, there are specific jokes for fuller gay men. They have a Caste system. You don't ever see anyone praising them when they have accomplishments. The minute they lose weight we hear "He looks so much better. Wow he looks sexy." Or "He looked better bigger." Scrutinized and with an eternal microscope on them, fuller men have struggled hard to have a say in the community. When you throw in the socio-economical status, the race factor, the looks etc, fuller gay men have less of a chance to really fit in.

There are fuller gay men who never have these issues and have sort of adapted to their environment. Some of them have endured so much bullying and drama that they just all together don't give a shit anymore. And rightfully so. But if you think about it, what does that say about us as a community who pretend to be so accepting and inclusive? What message do we send out when we automatically equate fuller men to bears or a sub genre? We expect them to wear leather and bark and fuck you in a dark basement of a fetish bar. What we don't expect them is to be normal or human.

"I like Daddies" or "I like my men with a little meat" gets real old real quick. Hesitating to show a picture of their boyfriends because they are fuller. Fuller men don't need validation but why don't we give it to them anyway? Why don't we respect them more and treat them like everyone else? I understand its hard to ignore a muscle bod because we've been subjected to that kind of tunnel vision, but why do we act like its the end of the world to date and get to know fuller men?

Do you know how much it hurts to shame fuller men...when they have to look at themselves and see a belly and stretch marks and no six pack and that is considered "disgusting?" That they're not allowed to eat as much in a group setting because they are frowned upon and rejected? I've met so many suicidal fuller men who have been rejected so many times and they just don't understand why. Friends leave them, lovers leave them. They spend all their time at home and don't have much of a social life because our community can't take two fucking minutes to acknowledge them.

"I know what you think of me" he says as he goes to the gym to abandon himself to fit in. To restart his life as a muscle guy and shed 200 pounds just so people will think he's valid and attractive. Just to suddenly be popular and cool. A fuller guy who is now a much smaller size who gets nervous to get back to where he was because people will ignore him. This really happens in our community. And its shameful. And I'd like to know...

When will it stop?

Once upon a time, Congress was a place where we elected government officials to do their jobs. Each state elected men and women to fulfill the will of the land and of its people for their better interest. Today, it seems that all of that has taken a turn for the worse; In fact, The Republican Congress has become something out of a horror movie...doing and saying things that would freak anyone out. I don't mean just passing strange bills and laws. Well...here are 20 examples:

20. The Time The Trump Administration Compared Trump to Jesus: In December of 2016, almost a month after Trump's nefarious win for presidency, The Republican Party put out a Christmas message that seemed extremely odd and apocalyptic: "The message reads: “Merry Christmas to all! Over two millennia ago, a new hope was born into the world, a Savior who would offer the promise of salvation to all mankind. Just as the three wise men did on that night, this Christmas heralds a time to celebrate the good news of a new King.” No, this is not something out of "The Omen" this ACTUALLY happened. When confronted, The RNC denied it and deflected. Here is the article: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-trump-gop-rnc-republican-christmas-message-new-king-jesus-christ-a7495951.html

19. Senate Votes To Shut Up Elizabeth Warren: In a shocking turn of events that proved America is no longer a Democracy, The Republican Party said Warren was violating Senate rules by reading a letter by Coretta Scott King. The letter spoke about Sessions (who at the time was being installed in The Justice Department) who in 1986 was implored by Ms. King to be denied a life appointment on the federal bench. "Nevertheless, she persisted" became a viral phenom, with people all over the world championing Elizabeth Warren, even though she was told to be silent. https://www.politico.com/story/2017/02/elizabeth-warren-sessions-silence-234779

18. The RNC Endorses An Accused Pedophile: Roy Moore, a controversial racist running for Alabama Senate, was accused of pedophilia by many women. Because of the world we live in and how Trump gets away with everything, Moore seemed to follow suit and say that the parents of the girls were okay with him being with them. He then stood with his off the rocker wife and continued his bid for The Alabama Senate. Immediately, Trump backed Moore and so did The RNC. It seemed like some crazy John Grisham novel but the truth is, this all really happened!! Though Roy Moore did not win, he did appear on a horse like the fucking nutcase that he is; and ironically, almost half of Alabama did vote for him which proves how fucked up this country is. https://www.politico.com/story/2017/12/04/trump-support-roy-moore-277771

17. The RNC Tries To Murder Obamacare: In an act of defiance and totalitarianism, The Republican Party tried greedily to murder off Obamacare simply to say they did it. In an ongoing effort to taint the name of President Obama and erase his legacy, The RNC tried and tried and tried to brutally murder Obamacare even if it meant millions would be without healthcare. They even introduced something absurd like "A Skinny Bill" to choke out Obamacare but to no prevail. It seems there was not one Republican in office that could write something legible, plausible or real, proving that The RNC was full of duds. Male & Female Conservatives who were willing to be cutthroat and band together even against the will of The People. It didn't work. It failed miserably. https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-healthcare/republicans-fail-again-to-kill-off-obamacare-in-senate-idUSKCN1C00BT

16. Puerto Rico SUFFERS: While The Caribbean is no stranger to hurricanes, storms and cyclones, Hurricane Maria proved that destruction had a new name. Hurricane Maria was the worst natural disaster on record in Dominica & Puerto Rico. Maria was the third costliest hurricane in history with a whopping 99.45 billion dollars in damage. And because Puerto Rico belongs to America, we waited for Trump and Congress to react. There was nothing for weeks. Then suddenly, after a Twitter war with a very disheartened and concerned Mayor of San Juan, Trump appeared in Puerto Rico without even giving Mayor Carmen Yulin Cruz the time of day. Mayor Cruz was the ONLY government official in Puerto Rico making the rounds in the news trying to get America and the world to react to Puerto Rico's devastation. Trump didn't give a fuck. Instead, he met with other officials and threw paper towels at The Puerto Rican People. YES, this happened. Since 2018, 26 people have committed suicide because of Hurricane Maria. When Americans were polled, most of them didn't even know Puerto Ricans were American Citizens. TRAGIC STUPIDITY.  http://www.newsweek.com/puerto-rico-mental-health-hurricane-maria-us-780062

15. Let's Ignore A Supreme Court Nominee: Before Obama left office, he nominated a wonderful judge for The Supreme Court on March 16th, 2016 named Merrick Garland. He was suppose to replace Antonin Scalia. The RNC, hellbent on ignoring Obama and obstructing justice, ignored the Garland nomination for almost 9 months. When Trump came into office, they showed their true colors and immediately voted in Neil M. Gorsuch.

14. TWILIGHT ZONE @ THE WHITE HOUSE: When Trump came into power, Government websites suddenly went dark. LGBTQ Rights? Gone. Climate Change? Gone. Civil Rights Page? Gone. In what seemed like a deliberately calculated move by a Totalitarian Administration, Trump's Party made it clear they were not interested in moving forward. https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/2017/live-updates/politics/live-coverage-of-trumps-inauguration/civil-rights-page-also-deleted-from-white-house-website/?utm_term=.3956314659e4

13. Evangelical Zealots: In what seemed like a sign of the end times, a photo of Trump appeared with various pastors and preachers laying hands on him. Their total devotion and honor to Trump raised red flags and seemed extremely strange, given that Trump has been a habitual liar, cheater, saboteur and non-Christian. It seemed that Trump's strange Hitler-like qualities appealed to Church leaders. In fact, one Trump supporter was quoted as saying he trusted Trump more than Jesus Christ. In what feels like an H.P. Lovecraft novel, Trump has become as symbolic to Christians than Christ himself...which proves that the devil is indeed a deceiver. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2017/07/12/photo-surfaces-of-evangelical-pastors-laying-hands-on-trump-in-the-oval-office/?utm_term=.17d74abf78cb

12. Kellyanne Con Artist: If Trump and The RNC are the power players in this Creepy New America, Kellyanne is the devout disciple. A woman from Camden NJ who's credentials are as elusive as her credibility, Kellyanne has managed to mind fuck Americans and the world with her complete and utter bullshit. Time and again, she has done the masterful spinning of silliness and has taken everyone to task for it. She has appeared on countless shows lying, scheming, scamming and spinning so hard that she has been compared to The Crypt keeper from Tales From The Crypt. In a smug fashion, Kellyanne has managed to have people repeat her bullshit and believe it. Even the people that hate her the most can't deny she is a master of disaster. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/04/kellyannes-alternative-universe/517821/

11. The Great MUSLIM Scare: Though the majority of mass shootings and terrorist attacks in America are done by Americans and White Men, Trump and his warped RNC/followers have convinced the world that Muslims should be banned and that they are the true devils. Not since Hitler has there been such true raw hatred of races until now. White men attacking minorities and telling them to go back to their countries, rogue conservative reporters pushing the racist agendas; America is slowly becoming a cesspool of hate. And yet, The RNC has not condemned Trump or his leadership in all of this. Even banning countries he knows nothing about. http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-38781302

10. Hiel Trump!: In what seems like the freakiest and most sinister RNC Party, Conservatives have been seen raising their arm in Hitler salute fashion, using outdated racist terms and uniting in solidarity for racist goals. In rallies that STILL go on for Trump, his supporters pretend to care about jobs and money but secretly support an Aryan cause. It's pretty clear that most Trump Supporters are worshipping Trump. What really seems fucking nutty is the influx of white men marching for White Supremacy and having speaking engagements at colleges and Universities. It's pretty clear that America is having a turn for the worst and yet no one is really saying or doing anything. Is this how it began in Germany?

9. The GREAT SILENCE: During Obama's last days it seemed like Black Lives Matter was really solidifying itself in The New Civil Rights Movement. And though there were plenty of haters and a few bad apples, Black men, women and children (among other races) were standing up for the victims of police brutality, for marginalized minorities and for progress in America. And just like that, they disappeared. Trump's volatile candidacy and disastrous presidency snuffed the flame of Black Lives Matter, leaving us to wonder what happened? There were rumors that some of the leaders of the movement decided to "leave this mess for the white people" and yet some people said BLM just faded away. Read this racist article put out by Newsweek to understand that perhaps the true reason BLM is gone is because they're afraid to be new victims of this Fascist Dictatorship America. http://www.newsweek.com/black-lives-matter-protests-police-646050

8. Shithole Countries: One of the most horrific things to come out of this pathetic excuse for a presidency is a comment Trump made in front of many leaders. He called Haiti and Africa shithole countries and suggested we let in people from Norway instead. And what didn't surprise anyone was the outpour of support and defending of Trump, leading washed out attention seeker racist Tomi Lahren to say that we should admit they ARE shithole countries. This coming from a young woman who says things for clickbait with ZERO credibility. That an American President would scoop to that level....WOW. Disgraceful. http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/11/politics/immigrants-shithole-countries-trump/index.html

7. The Financial Martyrs: Once again, riding on the coattails of absolute power and Trump's Twitter distractions, The RNC managed to fuck Americans over with a bill to help The Top 1%. Not even sugarcoating it, The Republican Congress has proven to be enemies of The People, simply pushing their Capitalistic agendas and this shitty Budget Bill. And of course, right after, Trump decries that corporations should have inflation to distract from the fuck over Americans got. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/01/us/politics/senate-tax-bill-debate-vote.html

6. Congress Pushes Out 1 Million Minorities Of Color: In what IS and not what feels like Ethnic Cleansing, Trump and his pet Congress are aiming at making America Whiter Again. In efforts to use every excuse in the book to extinguish minorities from America, The GOP seems onboard to manipulate "Legal" immigration to only White Countries. In a perfect world we would have banned together ages ago and toppled over this racist government, but it seems Americans are just shrugging and tweeting too much rather than reacting. http://www.latimes.com/politics/la-na-pol-trump-gop-immigration-20180112-story.html

5. Appointments: In the beginning, when Trump won his presidency seat aka One of America's Darkest Days In History, it seemed like The Republican Congress was pushing out Administration appointees like premature babies. They didn't care if they had credentials, decency or credibility...if they were Capitalists, they were in. And in what seemed like one of the diciest and shadiest moves in Congress history, with the speed of lightning, we got The Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos...someone with no real knowledge of Education or what it takes to move America's Education System forward. And while this slime bucket slithered in, there were plenty who were complete fools who never got the nod and some who declined, to lessen the social suicide of it all. But here are some of the rotten apples that managed to get a spot: Steven Mnuchin, Jeff Sessions, Ben Carson and Ellen Chao....all of whom are failing miserably at what they're doing. But this only proves that A Republican world is one where we will never move forward ever.

4. GOP's Obsession with Women's Bodies & Lives: For some creepy reason, GOP have been adamant about telling women what to do and not do. It has started with abortion and is creeping into other things. It seems like white older men want to dictate American women's personal decisions which infringes upon their rights. But it doesn't seem like they care. Nutcase zealots like Huckabee and Cruz have been very vocal about putting their foot on the rights of women. Women, however, had something to say which lead to a National Women's March and Time's Up. In fact, 2017 & 2018 have been big years for women: speaking up against wage gaps/rights, sexual harassment, rape, their bodies and choices and political choices. Women have decided they were not going to be silenced any longer. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/01/21/womens-march-aims-start-movement-trump-inauguration/96864158/

3. Trump Gets Loyalty: Anyone living in America on either side of the political party knows one thing for sure: there is a sadistic undying loyalty from The GOP to Trump. They do so willingly and are aware that if Trump were to ever leave office, they'd be stuck with Pence who is as entertaining and a leader as a lead pencil sharpener. And if Pence ever left, once we found out he colluded with Russia as well, we'd be stuck with the most annoying Speaker ever: Paul Ryan as president. If you thought GOP was trash, imagine him running it. But there's something very AntiChrist about the lengths The GOP is willing to go to turn a blind eye. It doesn't even feel like its about passing laws or bills. It's something more. The last time a party was that loyal to a fault, was Hitler's Party. And if we don't wise up, we will live to regret it.

2. FOX NEWS: The Shithole Of News Channels: In what has been a blatant disregard for facts, morals, responsibilities or an ounce of dignity, Fox News decided to show its true colors the minute Trump came into office, ignoring all the bad things he says and does and only kisses his ass so that they get the GOP ratings. If anyone has ever truly sold their soul to The Devil, Fox News has sold more than that. The fact that no one has ever investigated Fox News as a state sponsored channel run by our new dictator government makes me nervous. This channel is a spawn of hell with disgraced journalists scheming up ways to scream at Liberals and completely fucking up the news. If I worked there, I'd run for the hills and save my reputation. It's only a matter of time before it all blows up in their faces.

1. Trump Is STILL In Office & Nobody Knows Why: After every scandal, lie, tweet, disrespect, lack of a moral compass, sign of illness, racist remark, lack of intelligence or track record, Trump is STILL here. His children are still shadowy figures in the background, being the creepy assholes they've always been. Jared Kushner is still the puppet master and The GOP Congress is still pretending like nothing is wrong. Trump has managed to let his crazy followers and ideas get under people's skin, making them unaware that he is clearly manipulating the left into anger. Trump is winning, despite his illegality and his scams....The American Government is standing by him, on his every word, worshipping him hand and foot. They were waiting patiently for someone like him to ruin America and they're standing by helping him. The most criminal and complicit cabinet and Congress ever. But soon....we'll reclaim OUR time.

By: Xavii Matisse ©

XAVII MATISSE

I felt compelled to tell this story today when I read Salma Hayek's story about Harvey Weinstein. I've already been convinced by so many to tell my stories and every story that is told is championing the fight against sexual assault. I almost forgot this story which is why telling it is very important. I remembered a few things that have happened to me in my lifetime but for some reason this one didn't occur to me; perhaps because I blocked it out of my mind. The humiliation was so great that I felt like I didn't deserve to tell my story. But I am now and here it is:

When I was 28, I met someone on Facebook that I became fascinated with. He was working at an Apple store in NYC and he traveled frequently to different countries which interested me. His Facebook was ridden with wonderful colorful photos from his many journeys and I felt like I wanted to know this person. Eventually, we both became interested in one another and after getting to know each other for some time, we made plans to meet.

Over the phone, he told me he really liked me and could see himself dating me. I felt the same way. The way we all feel when we click with someone in a social media dominated world. Because NYC was only 2 hours away, I decided to go see him. We made plans and I got on a bus. Before we knew it, I was in NYC in early November getting off a bus and finally we locked eyes. It was really nice. He was just as good looking in person and he was smitten with me. It was an instant connection. We held hands and it just felt natural.

I don't think we were trying to rush anything but everything just fell into place. We took the train to his place and when we got to his apartment, I met his roommate. His roommate was a Jewish man who worked in The United Nations...about 38 or so at the time. He seemed very nice and he was with his Latino boyfriend who was also sweet. I was immediately welcomed.

The guy I was dating told me that he had to rush over to his job (which he did not tell me when we made the decision for me to come) and he would be back home around 11pm. It was 6pm. So confused, I said "Okay. No problem." He settled my bags into his room and he kissed me. He told me he was really into me and that he felt such a connection. That he had never felt this way before. And to be honest, I felt the same way.

He made his way to his job and I was stuck with his roommate and his roommate's boyfriend. They asked me if I wanted to grab some dinner and I said, "Sure." I texted the guy I was dating and told him we were heading over to a restaurant. He texted back "Great! You're gonna love them. They're super cool." And they were as it seemed. When we arrived to the restaurant, we had a few drinks, they asked me a bunch of questions and it just seemed like an all around cool night. I was sooo looking forward to seeing my guy.

My guy texted me and said he was getting off earlier and he was headed to the house. It was about 9:30. When me and my guy's friends got into the elevator, there was an awkward silence. I felt the Jewish friend staring at me really hard. It was almost in this unbearably sexual way. No one drank so much that it had to feel THAT awkward. I cut the sudden weird tension by telling them that my guy was heading over soon.

The Latino boyfriend smiled and when the elevator opened he opened the apartment door and seemingly disappeared. As I made my way towards the door, I felt the Jewish friend grab my waist and push himself on me. It was very sudden and I was caught off guard. I tried to turn around but he had a tight grip. I got nervous and said, "Hey can you not do that. People might think something..." But he didn't stop.

He turned me around and pushed me against the hallway wall hard. I felt my head hit the wall and this started to feel really invasive. I tried to tell myself in those few seconds that he must be drunk and he's just being silly. But feeling the undeniable push up and his hard dick against me, I told him to stop. I didn't think in any way I was going to let him think this was okay. I told him to stop again and I pulled away. I didn't want to go inside because his Latino boyfriend was in there and I didn't want to look flustered or upset.

My mind kept going to "Wait til' my guy arrives. But should I tell him? Of course I should, he'll believe me. Of course. But I just met him. Will he think it was my fault?" His friend pushed up against me again and grabbed my genitals. He said, "I really wanna fuck you. Would you let me fuck you?" I was scared and confused. I wanted to run out of that hallway. His hand was right up there with a tight grip and I wanted to cry. I pushed him away once again and not once did his boyfriend come out to see why we hadn't entered. It was odd.

I said, "Listen, if I gave you any mixed signals please forgive me but I really like my guy. I'm sorry." Yes you heard right. I apologized for being sexually assaulted. He then laughed and said, "You're so sexy. I really wanna fuck you." I said, "Stop. No!" He then got really close and said, "Gimme a kiss. Gimme a kiss or I'm gonna grab you and fuck you right here." He reached in for a kiss and pushed his lips on mine. I pulled away and dashed into the apartment.

His Latino boyfriend was in the kitchen and he came out and asked me if I wanted a drink. He seemed to be oblivious. But it was impossible. The apartment was small and you could hear everything in the hallway. Nervously, I said "Sure." He handed me a lemonade with vodka and I sat down in the living room and nursed it. The Jewish roommate came into the apartment, laughed and tapped me on my shoulder. "I was just kidding!"

I didn't say anything. I felt disgusted. Minutes later, my guy walked in and he gave me a kiss. He asked me if dinner was okay and I said "Yes." He noticed I was acting a bit strange and asked me if something was wrong. I said, "No." Right then and there, a few friends of theirs arrived and it was suddenly a get together. Everyone was laughing, drinking as typical New Yorkers do which I loved. It was a chance for me to take my mind off of what happened.

The drinks flowed and before I knew it, I was telling everyone I was tired and I was going to retire and go to sleep. It was about 3am. I changed into some sleeping shorts and a t-shirt and suddenly everyone was in the room. I felt really dizzy and tired and just wanted to get some rest but that wasn't going to happen. Everyone was around my guy's computer and I heard a few of them say something about the Jewish UN roommate filming his lovers.

I was confused because he had a Latino boyfriend and the Latino boyfriend was right there! Now while they may have had an open relationship I found out, it was still no excuse to sexually assault me. Also, the "filming" part kinda got to me. While everyone seemed to think it was funny, I kept telling myself, "Don't have sex with my guy because it might be filmed." But I was drunk so after a while I just laid down and everyone eventually left. My guy finally scooped up next to me and we went to bed. I felt him holding me and kissing me and telling me he really liked me and wanted to have a relationship with me. I nodded, let some major cuddling happen and then I fell asleep.

When I woke up, my guy said he had to go to work again. I was very confused. Had I known he had to work these three days I was there, I would have rescheduled. But I didn't want to be a Debbie Downer and I said, "Okay. When will I see you?" He said, "I'll be back around 2pm." When he left, it was terribly awkward. No one was talking to me and I just sat in the living room watching "Coraline." I remember that vividly because the TV was fairly new and the movie looked amazing.

When my guy came home, he asked me if I wanted to take a walk in a park nearby. I said, "Yes, of course." I thought it was a perfect time to tell him what happened to me. When we arrived at the park, he was holding my hand, he was giving me kisses and telling me that he had never met a guy like me and that he felt like he was falling in love. It was so sweet and I really didn't want to ruin that moment, but I felt compelled to do so. What happened to me was not okay.

So I asked him if he wanted to sit down and he did. I grabbed his hands and said, "Listen...I don't want to make a big deal out of this but I think you should know what happened after I came from dinner yesterday." He looked at me puzzled and said, "But I thought you said everything was fine?" I said, "Yeah I did, but I have something to tell you. And I don't want you to be mad at me." He held my hand and said, "Of course! What's up?"

I started to just tell him what his friend did and I said, "It wasn't me. I'm here for you. I didn't expect that. So please understand this is hard for me." He looked me square in the eyes and said, "I don't believe you." He let go of my hand and shook his head. I grabbed his hand again and said, "Hey...listen up...I really really like you. I didn't know your friend was going to do that. I did not invite him to do it. I'm not like that." He pulled away again and said, "Well you have to be because my friend would never do that to me. I've known him since we were kids. He would never do that to me."

At that point I was confused. I noticed his body language changing, he didn't seem interested in me anymore and he made me feel like I came on to his friend. I implored that he talk to his friend and ask him because I was not some cheap person who would come all the way to NYC to meet  a love interest and then come onto his friend. I was so taken aback by how nonchalant he was acting. At that moment it occurred to me that it was a lie. That he in fact knew his friend was like that but he kept the friendship because it was convenient.

He started to tell me that his friend was like a brother and that no slut would ever come between them. I was shocked. "A slut?" I asked. "Well, I don't mean you...I just mean no one will come between our friendship." He got up and started walking. I walked behind him angry. "So, you're essentially saying that your friend can do that to me and its okay because he's your best friend? Don't you like me? Don't you think that what he did was wrong?"

He didn't budge. He then turned around, grabbed my hand and kissed it. "I like you a lot. And I believe you. It's just hard for me to think my friend could do such a thing." "Well it did happen. And listen, you don't have to say anything to him. I'll just leave." He looked at me and said, "Listen, no worries if you wanna leave I'll buy you an earlier ticket." "No thank you. I have my own money. I thought I came here for you."

He then put his arm around me and said, "I think we're all free birds right? I think that the freer we are the better. And we don't have to be tied down by anyone. I don't see myself with anyone. I just wanna travel to Italy and France and just meet new soulmates and have a wonderful time!" It literally felt like I was in The Twilight Zone. He was literally freeing himself from me because his friend sexually assaulted me. He was talking in riddles and analogies to suddenly unburden himself from all of this. And so that was my cue to leave.

I got to the apartment, I packed my bag and I left. He insisted on taking me to The Port Authority. I was disgusted by everyone in that house and just wanted to leave. I wasn't heartbroken because I knew in my heart that he had chosen his pervert friend over me like many men do. We rode on the train quietly. He would pretend like he was flirting with me but I could see his disgust. He had made me out to be a piece of shit and his friend a free spirit who just felt like it was okay to try and fuck me in a hallway while his boyfriend was in the kitchen.

It felt absurd and I was glad to go. I saw my bus, grabbed my ticket and he kissed me. "Call me when you get home." He said coldly. I didn't. When I was on the bus, I sent him a text: "Thank you for your hospitality...I appreciate that. It was nice to meet you finally." He sent a smiley face and then texted back: "I don't think this is going to work. Take care." While I knew that already, it felt like a slap to my face. He had not only shamed me for being sexually assaulted but he let go of our relationship because of it.

I'm glad it didn't go further because I didn't want to end up with a loser like Edu. He covered for his pervert friend and made me feel like shit for it. I then got home after thinking for a few days and said, "Dear Edu, I want to say I really, genuinely liked you. I think you are so good looking and I thought you were so sweet and I was looking forward to getting to know you more. It's sad that your friend ended that abruptly. I think what your friend did was horrible and you covering for him made you a coward and an asshole. I don't ever want to meet you again or know about you. And fuck your friend for being such a deviant."

He responded with "Go fuck yourself. You are a slut and you came to NYC to fuck my friend and he said he didn't want you so you got mad. Well, I'm glad we're not together and now you can go be a slut somewhere else. You're a nobody." Again, nothing he said really triggered me or made me upset because I knew he was deflecting. And I also knew he was a despicable human being. And I didn't deserve that. I actually made a decision after that to not date anyone for a while and that lasted two years. But today I want to say that I'm okay. I'm telling my story and it's passed and I encourage you to tell yours too. #MeToo

XAVII MATISSE

Tell me a little bit about your childhood.

I grew up in Southern California in a white trash town. I was obsessed with theatre, dance, choir, Hollywood musicals from 1950, Whitney Houston, etc. and I did NOT FIT IN. My parents are very conservative Christians... so there was a lot of conflict there being gay and dealing with accepting that. I was bullied relentlessly because I couldn’t help but be my odd self and eventually I just learned to own it, then the bullying stopped. I eventually went out on my own and immediately moved to LA and started working in the entertainment industry.

What are five things people don't know about you?

As a teen I was so deep in the “scene.” I had side bangs, a mullet, girls jeans. I exclusively listened to death metal for a few years: Suicide Silence, Job For A Cowboy, Impending Doom, etc.

I have probably seen every movie musical from 1940-1955. Gene Kelly was my first crush and made me realize I was gay.

I’m equal parts Korean, Japanese, Danish, and Norwegian.

I’m lactose intolerant.

I have a lazy eye.

We know you mainly from Todrick's Whimsical Youtube videos inspired by The Wizard of Oz and Disney inspirations. Tell me about that experience and that relationship.

Todrick is my best friend in the world, literally my sister and mother rolled into one. Toddy and I met doing Hairspray the Musical. Then a little while later, I started working as his assistant, and went to work and live with him for years. We literally would spend 22 hours a day together and became inseparable. He and I just get each other and we turn to each other for advice on everything, whether it’s about our creative projects, love, fashion, everything.

Talk to me about Glen Coco. That video went viral and you are perfection in it.

That was actually a last minute thing. We got into the school to film and we had such limited time to throw the video together and we realized no one was there to be Glen Coco and I jumped in right then. Luckily, it went well but it almost didn’t happen at all.

You're a Producer. Tell me about that.

Well I’m both a Video Producer and Music Producer. Working with Todrick I wore every hat behind the scenes so I would set up every video shoot, hire talent, sometimes help with choreography, get locations and equipment and sometimes film stuff.  As a Music Producer, I didn’t have too many friends growing up and I had a very active imagination, so I would tinker in GarageBand and eventually taught myself how to produce music, but it was a long time before I told anyone about it.

We share a horoscope sign: Aries. So are you a natural born leader too and love Cheez Its as much as I do?

I definitely only know how to be myself!! I can be a little controlling sometimes but I try to be open to suggestion. One of the reasons I do everything myself (music, videos, art direction) is because I have such a strong point of view and can’t bare to let other people do anything.

Okay, let's talk about "Save Me From Myself" a beautiful single that really showcases Chester front and center. The video is gorgeous too (directed by you).

Thank you!! The song is all about how we can get sucked into this age of Instagram and Hollywood where we see people posting pictures of their luxury cars and beautiful mansions but underneath people are completely broken and unhappy. I filmed the video in decrepit parts of Las Vegas and felt because the subject matter was so dark it would be a nice contrast to have it be this odd karaoke video so we can also sing along to how messed up we are.

What does your music mean to you vs. Making music for someone else.

I have a pretty vibrant personality but I find that the darker times in my life are what inspires my music. So each song captures an important moment in my life and I try to make that song feel exactly like the mood I was in. For other people, I stay true to myself but I find it is naturally a little more upbeat.

What are preconceived notions people always have about you?

That I am always “on.” People either see me being a glittery unicorn in a Youtube Video or being some dark depressed boy in chains. But really I’m somewhere in between. I also get “Wow, you’re actually kind of intelligent,” or “I didn’t think you would care so much about real world issues.” ….Surprise! She cares.

What are 3 bad habits you have?

When I go on one date with someone, I start planning out the rest of our lives immediately. What color are the table cloths at our $10 Million wedding? Where will we keep all 200 of the doves for the reception? etc.

I compare myself to everyone and everything. Even if its not in my lane or even my freeway…. I’ll find a way to make myself feel inadequate.

I drool when I sleep on planes. Every. Time.

What are your TV Show guilty pleasures?

Maybe not a guilty pleasure but I have always been obsessed with late night anime. Also, anything featuring Tiffany New York Pollard.

Thoughts on Trump's America.

Not a fan.

Name 2 people who really ride or die for you.

My best friend, Todrick, is always going above and beyond for our friendship. He’s one of those people that is in a competition with himself to be “#1 best friend of all time.” He’s always incredibly supportive and also puts me in my place when I need it. Same thing with my mom. She’s such a fierce Korean business dragon. She always pushes me to go above and beyond what I expect from myself. She also makes bomb  Kimchi Jjigae.

What's the sexiest you've ever felt?

I’m not a particularly “sexy” feeling person. But when alone in my room, humidifier on full blast so it looks like fog while dancing to “I’m Your Baby Tonight” that’s when I’m really a sultry 80’s goddess.

If you had LGBT children sitting in a room with you for two hours, what would your message be to them?

Learn to forgive. Forgive those who don’t understand you or what you’ve gone through. Forgive yourself for whatever shortcomings you think you have. We are all on this earth for a short time, learn to have love in your heart for everyone and everything, even those who may try to hurt you. No more hatred.

If you could do any job for a week what would it be?

Dr. Pimple Popper’s assistant. Dream Job.

Talk to me about the lush Roses EP.

I had been sitting on a lot of music material for a long time and I hadn’t told anyone about it so kind of at the spur of the moment I just finished up a few songs I had written at the beginning of 2016 (with the exception of “The Man I Love” which is a cover of a classic Gershwin Brothers song from the 1920s). I was in a weird funk, dealing with some health issues, and watching a lot of Turner Classic Movies. I was hearing tons of really robust string arrangements in these classic film scores and that combined with my glumness, produced an EP about beautiful but difficult times. I produced and recorded the whole thing in my closet.

Will we be expecting an album for 2018 to make our lives better?

I’m currently working on a project called “When Night Falls.” Can’t tell you exactly what it will be yet, but I’m going to be releasing new material constantly this year.

What is your favorite pair of underwear and why?

Marco Marco briefs. It’s like a warm hug for your butt.

What can we expect from you in 2018 Overall?

Content that will make you feel love, loss and everything in between. Also I’ll be starring in a show at the Paris hotel in Vegas with Scheana Shay from Vanderpump Rules until May 6th. It’s a subtle show called “Sex Tips.”

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Interview By: Xavii Matisse ©

XAVII MATISSE

Tell me about your childhood and upbringing.

We grew up in Michigan. We are the youngest of 4, well Zach was an accident.

But we were the only Middle Eastern family in an all-white suburban.

Parents were always working so Zach and I only had each other growing up!  

In Elementary School, the kids played "Michael & Zachary Chase" where if you were tagged by either of us you died, so we've always been outsiders growing up.

How did you both come out to your parents and how did they react to it?

Obviously this question is infamous for us. When we came out, our mother threw holy water on us... This inevitably inspired our book, "Pray the Gay Away."

What are 5 things people don't know about you?

Zach:

-Minored in sign language, an obsession & tattoo of Avatar The Last Airbender, one of my front teeth is fake, has a permanent broken pinky,  has a fear of fish hooks.

Michael:

-Has two years of experience in calligraphy, passionate about environmental science, has a botched Gwen Stefani tattoo, went to school for film, has ADHD.

Let's talk about the hilarious "Pray The Gay Away" What inspired you guys to write it and tell us a little bit about it.

"Pray the Gay Away" was inspired the night Mom snuck into their bedroom and force fed them “holy grapes,” determined to “de-gay” them. "Pray the Gay Away" chronicles Michael and Zach as they face awkward sexual encounters, drug-fueled escapades, coming out to each other, and their biggest foe - Mom, a woman who not only gave birth to what she calls one regret - but two.

As Iraqi Americans, how is life different for you two than anyone else? Or is it just the same?

Honestly, it was the same to us until 9/11 happened. After, the kids from our school would call us terrorists.

On top of that, we're gay. So when we're not battling homophobia, we battle someone who thinks we're a part of ISIS.

You both are Youtube sensations that have taken the gay world by storm. Do you ever feel like you're revealing too much or are you not revealing enough?

Yes, we feel as if we may go overboard sometimes, but no time to be unseen.

You're both sex icons, let's be honest. Two gorgeous gay twins is pretty much the fantasy of every gay man in the world. Do you guys ever feel pigeon holed or forced to cater to that audience?

We both like to think we're cute and obviously use that in our favor in future projects BUT I think a lot of people hate on our success; not that we're flaunting it, but it's easier to hate on someone whose doing their own thing-- and doing it well. But glad BrulerMag thinks of us as sex icons!

Did you two get dressed the same as kids or were you lucky enough to dodge that bullet?

As children, our Mom thought she was actually having a twin boy and girl so she purchased a lot of pink baby clothes. We fortunately dodged that bullet growing up!

What is the most embarrassing thing your twin has done to you?

Michael is a horrible wing-man; we were at a bar and he goes up to this guy I've been crushing on and says, "Hey, I think my brother's number would look great on your arm" and then a drunken Michael grabs a pen (A PEN) and writes my number on his arm. The guy never called me (and probably suffered from ink poisoning).

A comment on Amazon.com about your book came from someone titled "Robaato" with the simple critique that "It's gay." Would you agree that's accurate?

"Pray the Gay Away" is yes, a gay book, but we wrote it in a prospective that normalizes our gay life style... We think if a straight male were to read our book, he'd love it too and would relate to some parts of the book.

Now that we live in TRUMPLAND and you guys live in The Midwest, what do you think about what's going on in America and The World?

Trump triggers every bone in our body and for that, we will pass on that question.

What are some weird things your brain tells you to do but you never do it?

Quit my job and move. Maybe kill a person or two.

Of the two, who is the one that loves the most attention?

Michael. No explanation needed.

Let's talk about the mobile app MyTwin Chat. What inspired you to create it and tell me a little bit about it. (It's a great idea by the way)*

MyTwin Chat is our app for those who need help throughout the whole process, anonymously. If you're in the pre or post stages of coming out, or even questioning, we are here to ease the process. The idea was created when people kept emailing us that they were going through the same thing, so this is our way of giving back to the community.

What are you guys up to for 2018?

We're working on our second book, "I'm Going to Kathys."

If you could speak to your core audience, what message would you like to send out to them?

Be nice! There are too many assholes in this world. One positive comment changes a person's day.

If you could ask God one question for Him to answer, what would it be?

Why wasn't Trump a cumshot his mother swallowed?

Which fictional character would you love to meet and why?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, so we could slay together and fuck other vampires.

What is the worst purchase you ever made?

Michael likes to buy random shit off Ebay, especially clothes from China that never look like the picture.

https://www.amazon.com/Pray-Gay-Away-Michael-Zakar/dp/0692986723/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1512773821&sr=8-1&keywords=pray+the+gay+away

Twitter: @ZakarTwins

If you had to change your name, what name would that be and why?

We would love a more foreign name that's hard to pronounce and sounds like a cheese.

If you were chosen to do The Super Bowl how would your set look like?

An open mic and lots of gossip.

What do you fear about getting older?

I guess, dying.

What is the most annoying thing to ever come out of The Gay World?

Pray The Gay Away---- buy it.

Tell me a little bit about your childhood.

I was born in Southern California, but when I was five I moved to the island of Guam. This is where my family is from originally. I spent most of my childhood and teenage years there. I often visited California for Christmas vacation where I spent a ton of time with my grandparents who I am very close with. I always knew that when I graduated high school I would move back, and that’s exactly what I did.

What are five things people don't know about you?

That I am the oldest of 5 kids

When I was a teenager I wanted so badly to be part of the Mickey Mouse club, so I begged my parents to enroll me in dance school.

I once met Meg Ryan while shopping one day in LA and told her I thought she was the greatest RomCom actress that ever lived. This was a big deal to me as I have watched every RomCom possible growing up and especially loved any movie with Meg. Those movies sparked my early interest in love and relationships.

I have an absolute weakness for baked goods.

I am a new Puppy Parent as of last October. I own a Westie named Oliver. Now the second love of my life.

Most of us got to fall in love with you on "The Millionaire Matchmaker" with Patti Stanger. How did that come about?

I was first introduced to Patti Stanger and company when they recruited me to meet one of their clients in Season 3. I went on a very memorable date that didn’t work out. Her team kept me in their data base and kept bringing me back for other clients. While that was all happening, I started a dating blog for an LA based Gay magazine. That blog led to the creation of my website Finding Cupid. When an opportunity came up to be part of her team, they called me and I interviewed. The rest is history.

You have a bright passion for matchmaking. What inspired you to go that route?

I have always felt that people need help in the world of dating. This became more obvious when the tech boom came along and all my friends were having bad dates and really struggling to connect with people on apps. I was even more concerned about the gay community. There was a ton of shit going down with the dating app explosion. There hasn’t been a day that someone hasn’t approached me begging for help. That desperation motivates me to this day. It tells me that there is a need for guidance and support.

Tell me about the very successful "Finding Cupid Radio."

Ah, my baby.

After the success of the blog, I felt that there was so much more to talk about – and more that that the blog just couldn’t give enough color and dimension to. I was approached by Universal Broadcasting Network in Hollywood to do a show based on my dating life and from there it expanded into interviewing dating experts, authors, celebrities and even the occasional friend. Which by the way... I love bringing friends on the show, It’s a great way to call them out on all their bad dating decisions. (Laughs)

What is the best part of that radio show and the worst?

The best part about it is the education I get. The world of dating, love and relationships is very layered and complex. They cannot be defined by any one answer or person. The show allows me to learn about these different layers. The worst part is getting up at 7am on a Sunday to do the show.

What is the best love connection you've ever done?

The best connection I have ever done was with a pretty jaded guy. He had been through it all. Dumped, was cheated on and was really in a dark place. He was someone that came to me as a last resort. I felt that if I failed him, he would not believe in love any more. Naturally I couldn’t let that happen.

I coached him, guided him and set him up on a few dates. I must note that all the while, he was fighting me tooth and nail on each choice I made for him. After a couple months, he met someone and eventually settled down again.

The best part was the day when he finally called me back and said… “You were right” (Laughs)

Let's talk about your new launch of Three Day Rule’s LGBTQ division. You have a pretty diverse group to help you. Let's talk about that.

Last year, a friend of mine introduced me to another matchmaker in LA, turns out she was the CEO of a company called "Three Day Rule." They are a young and wildly successful matchmaking company based here in LA. We met a few times and discussed the world of Gay matchmaking and how hard it has been for clients all over the US to find a solid support system for long term relationships. As we talked more and more, we both realized that we were passionate about making this a reality, so we just did it!

Last October, we launched the LGBTQ + division of "Three Day Rule." The division has Matchmakers, Dating Strategists and Experts who are all part of the LGBTQ Community. We are not stopping there either; we are planning on expanding to San Francisco, Chicago and Atlanta and New York. We want all the major cities covered ASAP.

What are 3 things that make a successful love connection according to your website, Finding Cupid?

1. Love of Self

2. Good Sense of Humor

3. Willingness to Try Something New

You're gorgeous. Are you single or taken?

Awe, thank you. Taken. I just got married recently... celebrated my one-year anniversary. My husband Jonathan and I, have been together for 6 years now. Crazy to think how fast time has flown.

You have been a featured columnist for some prominent magazines. Tell me more about that.

I am passionate about writing one subject and that’s Love. People have asked me to write about this for all different kinds of reasons. Whether its for advice, Valentine’s Day, politics or love (and its cousins dating and relationships) is a perennial subject. Its been so cool to write for so many people. My top honor has been Huffington Post. When I was published there, I really felt validated as a voice.

With Gay Marriage being legal all over America, how has that changed the game for your company?

Oh man, it changed it in so many ways. First of all, dating now has a clear roadmap. 10 years ago, you (maybe) were dating with the hopes of being a “common law” partner. There were couples that committed to the idea of marriage because it always felt risky. As a community, we were never sure if marriage would ever be a privilege we would enjoy, freely and legally. Dating felt disposable and few were really focused on an end game. Today, the flood gates have opened and now people everywhere are getting married and creating big lives together. Its amazing.

The greatest part is that marriage is now part of the dialog and conversation we have while dating. It’s a factor that can be a deal breaker or deal maker when looking for the perfect match. In our world, you can be the hottest guy on the block, but if you don’t want marriage or kids, you are cut from the line up. That’s the coolest thing to see happening.

Your article on FindingCupid.com are adorable, relatable and spot on. What do you want your readers to get out of the website's content?

When you come to Finding Cupid, I want you to get the feeling that the writers have been through the same experiences that you are going through. So the advice is tailored for you. There not that many places where you can get a gay man giving gay dating advice. So often we digest the generic dating advice from our hetero resources, so Finding Cupid is meant to be the home for all daters, but with a massive focus on the LGBTQ community.

Additionally, we are not ashamed to write about our dating heartbreak, mistakes and fuck ups. We think that sharing our mistakes is the best way to help others. (Also, sometimes our mistakes are just funny.)

We're living in a time of extreme hatred and racism in America. As a man of color, how do you feel about it and what do you want people to know?

Every day I wake up and wonder “Is this the day I wake from this nightmare?”  I mean, I honestly don’t know what our country has become. It makes me feel so sad and depressed some days.

But I have always believed that things break down, in order to build back up. And, while I acknowledge the hate, the intolerance and racism happening in our everyday lives, I also see the strength in the people, the new leaders and the new voices that are being created from all the negativity. There are many young people that are being motivated and inspired by Black Lives Matter and by The Women’s March. Young people who never had the opportunity to speak out, to get angry and to march. This is a beautiful time to be part of something and to fight for what is good. A beautiful time to be an activist.

I want people to know that no matter who you are, life is political and that you can find something to fight for. You don’t have to be gay or a person of color. There are many things that we as human beings can be activists for. Things that we should fight for and that are worth being a voice for. It’s our greatest privilege in life.

The biggest thing a gay kid faces is extreme bullying because of his sexual orientation. If you could sit with an audience of young kids of all sexual orientations, what would the message be?

Love. Plain and simple. We don’t talk about it in this context very often, but we should. I would teach them that love isn’t just for two people. Love is a driving force that shapes communities, inspires innovation and that fosters peace. It’s bigger than all of us and something that isn’t just a cheesy greeting card. Love will help us be better human beings. And, if we all have love for our fellow human beings, we will be kinder; a kinder world. But it starts with all of us.

What is your favorite pair of underwear & why?

I’m a boxer brief kinda guy. I like them low cut and in every color. Calvins specifically. They are comfortable, and you can go classic in white or go sexy in bold colors. (That sounds like an Ad) (Laughs)

What does 2018 have in store for us in regards to your amazing work?

Oh man, I am a workaholic so that’s a good question. I have been working on launching a new Gay wedding website. So that’s going to be my focus. Definitely working on doing more TV. But we will see. I want to make sure the project is right.

The Gay Community is still struggling with identity and politics along with discrimination at times inside the community. What do you think about that and what is your opinion?

Ever since I was a teenager, I have always felt a strong attraction to being an activist. If there’s a rally, I’m there. As a gay man, your life is political. You cannot help it, it’s just a fact. From gay marriage to the government deciding on your rights, your voice counts; so being politically active is something I encourage every gay man to be. We are stronger in numbers, history has shown us this.

We are living in very uncertain times as we have a president and ruling party that does not align and support the community. In fact, its done more to erase and undo the support and legislation of any of the previous administrations, and that is major cause for concern. So now more than ever, its important to be politically active.

With identity, I think it’s less about struggling, than it is an extreme growth phase or growing pains. The community is growing and expanding in new and beautiful ways. So I think it’s more about getting to know the new LGBTQ community and learning how to bring it into the future.

When was the last time you cried sobbing?

A few times! Both with movies. I did a good “ugly cry” when I watched this old movie called “It’s My Party” starring Eric Roberts as a gay man with AIDS who decided to take his life, but only after he threw one last party for him and his friends. TORE ME UP!

I also had the same cry with “Call Me By Your Name” – The ending. I think because it reminded me of my first Gay heartbreak.

Gay cinema these days is really getting me. Lol.

What makes you truly happy?

Spending time at home with my husband and my dog. We are both very busy people and often have hectic schedules, so when we have days off, you can usually find all three of us cuddling on the couch with a movie.

BRULER means Hot in French. What are five things that heat up your life?

1. Any Romance Movie

2. A Good Cologne – Especially if the scent makes you think of having wild passionate sex with someone.

3. A man in a bespoke suit

4. My husband when he comes home from the gym

5. Vintage Ford Mustangs

www.Finding-Cupid.com

Lastly, if you could be reborn into any animal, what would it be and why?

I have long had dreams of flying, so I think I would be a bird. Like a giant eagle. I like the idea that you can go anywhere and take in the planet from the sky.

Follow David On Social Media:

www.facebook.com/findingcupid

Finding-Cupid.com

@findingcupid

Email: [email protected]

Tell me a little bit about your childhood.

My childhood was at times pretty rough but also full of magical moments. I’m a glass half full kinda guy so I always try and find the best in a bad situation. When I was younger I was bullied a lot throughout my entire school life but that made me a stronger person and gave me some real inspiration with my music. So yeah I was pretty much the outcast in school, I really just didn't fit in but as I got older I found the beauty in that and embraced my weirdness.

What are five things people would be pleasantly surprised to know about you?

I’m really down to earth, I love animals, I’m really spiritual, I’m pretty clumsy and embarrassing. I’m also a hopeless romantic.

What is the biggest misconception people have about you?

I think because of my confidence people see me as kinda arrogant and big headed because I like to walk around in colorful shades and sparkly jackets but that couldn't be further from the truth.

What are your hobbies?

I love going out to eat... like I eat a lot!! I also really enjoy Zumba fitness classes and just being lazy when I get the chance.

Tell me about your music and how you broke into it?

I started writing songs when I was like 12/13. I was going through a hard time in school and it was the only way I could express myself. Once I left school I just began working my ass off, getting in the studio when I could, contacting managers, getting vocal coaching... literally hustling my way to where I am now.

Being Gay in the world has not been the easiest. Can you tell me about your journey?

I’ve always known that I’ve been attracted to guys...like even when I was a kid but for some reason I never thought that made me gay. It wasn’t till I got older and started thinking whether I could actually be sexually attracted to a girl and it was a definite no-no. Then I started actually falling for guys and I was like "okay time to wake up!" My family were super supportive and some close friends I had at the time really made me comfortable with it. Once I came out, I felt like a weight had been lifted and I finally felt like I could learn to love myself.

You have a very edgy flair that is really catching on. What inspires your style?

Thank you! I’ve always been really inspired by artists that push the boundaries. The legends like Michael Jackson, Prince, Freddie Mercury, George Michael, David Bowie all really inspire my style.

Tell me a bit about your activism?

I love being an activist and raising awareness any way that I can. I’ve done a bunch of anti- bullying performances/talks in schools & colleges across the country and relate it to struggles we face in the LGBT community. I think it’s really important to show the younger generation that there’s no need for hate and discrimination, hopefully they can pass on the message of love and we can strive towards a more equal world.

What does 2018 have in store for Smashby?

2018 is a huge year for me and my screwballs! I have a brand new EP coming out full of original material, lots of pride festivals and performances in the summer and some surprises…

If you were in a room with audience of young gay children, what would your message be to them?

My message would be to not be afraid of being different, to accept everyone for who they are and to always follow your dreams.

What are five songs currently on heavy rotation in your playlist?

Never Be the Same – Camila Cabello

My My My – Troye Sivan

Beautiful Trauma – Pink

Sinner – Trevor Moran

This Is Me – Kesha

How did your name "Smashby" come about? (Which I love)*

It just came to me one day and people started calling me by it... sort of like a nickname. It kinda stuck I guess, I felt by becoming Smashby I left behind all the troubles I'd been through in my personal life. It was like I shed my skin and had become this phoenix from the ashes.

The world is currently undergoing some nasty changes with a bunch of shitty leaders taking Trump's lead. What are your thoughts on that?

Honestly, this does scare me and it definitely shows we have a lot of work to do as far as equality is involved. But I’m hopeful that these changes will not affect the progress we have made so far.

When was the last time you cried into a pillow and why?

I cry at movies a lot! Especially Disney movies like Tarzan or Lilo & Stitch so probably when I last watched one of those.

When you're writing a song, what inspires you to write it?

It depends really, it might be something I’m going through at that time or something that someone close to me is going through. I sometimes like to imagine a story in my head and write a song about that. There’s really no limits when it comes to my songwriting.

What's your favorite pair of underwear and why?

I have a pair of tight black boxers that ripped on my hip and I actually love them even more now cause it makes me feel like I have a fat ass.

As a young gay in the world, what is your goal you want to accomplish in regards to OUR LGBT Movement?

I want to unite the world through music and be a part of the movement any way that I can. If I can just inspire even one person to be more open minded towards our community then that is making a change in my eyes.

Lastly, What makes you happiest in life?

Music, food and my fans!

INTERVIEW BY: XAVII MATISSE @XaviiMatisse

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