Goals

I felt like I was nothing. I felt like I was replaceable. I felt like I wasn’t special.

All I wanted was somebody to love me and what I got what someone you reached into my heart and ripped open every year I’d carefully stitched up. Whose words flipped the very switches I hid so very deep.

I feel a bit nervous for the procedure. I know I’m doing this for myself and also for my future children. Im excited to begin recovery. Im eager to feel better and get better.

I feel too old to be single

I’m so sad.

It’s not fair but I blame a lot of how I’m feeling on him.

I don’t like calling him my boyfriend. I don’t feel lucky to be in this relationship. I don’t look to the future excited. My attitude is more of this overall “I guess this will do”. I’ve felt on my heart from the start that this was not something with longevity. We’ve exceeded the expiration date by quite a while, which is a testament to us both.

The mental health really isn’t going too great currently hey. Not helped by my inability to have goals currently.