Brown instead of Blue

Joseph Youssef // 2023

Joseph Youssef // 2021

Self portrait

Day and Night

"Why not?” she asked She knew she was right but desperately hoped to be proved otherwise. “What’s wrong?” she asked not wanting the truth The secrets I’ve kept, since the days of my youth. “Are you?” she pried I blurted out “yes” Head under water, holding my breath. “You’re not!”, she cried, followed by the plea: “Don’t you dare do what he did to me.” Don’t you dare do what he did to me. Don’t you dare do what he did to me. Don’t you dare do what he did to me. Don’t you dare.

I’m alone.

I have filled my eyes with scenery and now I cannot see my home. I’ve listened to so much music, I can’t remember my favourite song. First, absorb everyone's feelings, Then, forget about your own and then decide. I've tasted so much sugar and deprived my tongue of bitter. I’ve burnt all of the incense To mask the smell of litter.  When you surround yourself with people, There’s no way to be alone, Unless you hide.

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And when I lose Will you care? Will you even be aware? Does insensitivity have the ability to hear me out ? I’ll keep you Out of sight, out of mind. Somewhere dark and hard to find. Wrapped in these words to remind you Of my defeat.

I’d never felt at ease in the water. From a young age, I inherited the fears of my mother. It took me 26 years to discover, that I don’t need to wait ‘til I’m drowning to make the decision to swim. I’d never embraced my colour. I associated race with the sins of my father. Then at 26 years I uncovered. I don’t need to be any paler, to make sure that I am not him. I’ve never taken a lover. Couldn’t have the world know I loved the same as my brother. So, at 26 years I would wonder: Why who you love should even matter, not HOW you show love to them. I’ve always been somewhat of a giver. An attempt to contradict the leeching ways of my sister. But 27′s too young to be bitter. So instead i’ll try love my family.  Instead, I Decide  To Forgive.

I got some #dungarees and a #haircut ... . . . #me #scruff #beard #instabeard #beardsofinstagram #otter #curlyhair #denim #overalls #skinfade