brotilnesse- insecurity, instability, fickleness

These last few days I've been pretty much less sad - more sad and I don't know why every time. Apart from issues with myself, I feel the urge to self harm (which I can't because I'm in another country and I didn't bring any tools with me) or the urge to kms but I can't do either and it stresses me out and since I'm off Olanzapine I can't really sleep well because melatonine doesn't really work for me and I'm on the highest dosage for my age so while I'm not worrying I'm gaining weight I can't sleep and I feel worse in the night unless I'm doing something which I'm not allowed to because I need to sleep it's just a bad circle of emotions and I just... Idk I needed to vent. Also I'm switching institutions again and I'm losing my psychs and my psychologist is great but I'm leaving her too and my new psychologist is terrible bc she laughs and pointed out all my flaws in the first conversation with my parents and said bpd and autism can't coexist in one person which is complete bullshit and ugh I'm just so not looking forward to having my psychologist, the only person who I can really talk to who is a prof (I never really talk with my psychiatrists) and who isn't emotional when I discuss bad stuff with being her so I'm just.... Sorry this is long and not finished since I need to go now but yeah this is a short long update on my mental state.. So... How are you guys?