buried // burned

OLD ASKS JAY IS FINALLY ANSWERING

Anonymous asked: when was the last time you slept, kane?  

He shrugs. 

OLD ASKS JAY IS FINALLY ANSWERING

@moonrevolutions asked: “your voice is putting me to sleep.” for kane. <3 

“‘S good.” He mumbles, pulling Vi closer. He’s tired, too. It’s been a long week. It’s been a long everything. But this is nice. It’s quiet, it’s peaceful, it’s comfortable. He buries his face in Vi’s hair and lets out a sigh. He doesn’t open his eyes; he doesn’t need to. He doesn’t have to be on guard. 

He can just be. 

The kids have been in bed for a while now. They’re finally, finally settled. It meant that Kane and Vi finally got some time to themselves. There were a million things they had to do, and a million more they wanted to do. They'd settled on a movie, but the movie quickly turned to just lying down and relaxing. And now it looked like it was turning into sleeping on the couch. He’d been so caught up in the life they’d built he hadn’t realised how worn out they were. Was parenthood always like this? 

OLD ASKS JAY IS FINALLY ANSWERING

@moonrevolutions asked: “how could you do this to me?” for taker. the battle of the soap continues... may their senseless idiot beef go on.

“Easily.” He says, folding his arms over his chest. “Want me to do it again? Fine.” With that, he turns on his heel and heads to the kitchen. There’s a faint rustling sound… And then he returns. There’s a red solo cup in his hand with a squirt of Dawn inside, to match the one he’d handed Vi a moment ago. 

OLD ASKS JAY IS FINALLY ANSWERING

Anonymous asked: 80s undertaker do u have just random thought when no one talking to you or is your mind just blank 

“....”

OLD ASKS JAY IS FINALLY ANSWERING

@perditos asked: “The ghosts aren’t gonna like, watch me shower or somethin’, right?” Adam to ‘Taker

“Don’t flatter yourself.” He says with a roll of his eyes. “The vast majority of them don’t care about the living.” He paused, took a swig of his beer. For a moment, he thinks, swishing the alcohol around his mouth before swallowing. “At least, not today. You’ll be fine.” And then, with a raised brow, 

OLD ASKS JAY IS FINALLY ANSWERING

Anonymous asked: + kane do you ever stop and think about the number of times your brother has forgiven you and wonder if you'll run out of chances one day?

He clenches his jaw and looks away. He doesn't want to think about this. On one hand, why should he be forgiven? That implies he did something wrong. He wasn't wrong. This was revenge. This was justice. 

This was what was right. 

But on the other hand… This was his brother. His (former?) best friend. One of the last parts of his family. The only one who understood. The only one who knew. Could Kane really be without him? Would it be like missing a tumour or a limb? Would it be freedom or a new curse? Kane isn’t sure. 

… 

He shakes his head. 

OLD ASKS JAY IS FINALLY ANSWERING

Anonymous asked: + taker why do you keep going back to the ring? surely there's higher priorities than locker room drama spilling out into the public eye  

He snorts and scratches at the side of his jaw. 

“Cause it's fun.” He says simply. He shrugs and shifts his weight. “And it works. Might not seem that way to you, but it does. See, thing is, once you’re in here? You’re in. You don’t get to just quit. If anyone here has unfinished business with you, you still have business with them. And this is really the only way we solve our business.” And then a chuckle as he shifts his weight back. 

OLD ASKS JAY IS FINALLY ANSWERING

@turpitudae asked: “Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me!” for Kane because Priest be having anxiety attacks

Oh no. Oh no. This is bad. Kane looks up suddenly, dropping his gear bag on the floor. He knew that voice. Not just knew who was speaking, no - though he could pick Priest out pretty easily by now. What he recognized more was HOW Priest was speaking. He's scared. He's terrified. 

Priest, Kane knows, is not an easy person to rattle. But then, they can say the same about Kane himself. They’re both hulking, brutal monsters, and monsters do not get scared. 

But the people who say that don’t know the truth. 

Kane rounds the corner, fists balled and strides purposeful. The scent of brimstone broils around him. The first person near him gets grabbed by the shoulders and tossed aside. The second ducks out of the way before they can meet a similar fate. 

“He said move.” Kane snarls. And before he can even wait for them to leave, Kane moves to stand in front of Priest - a ways away, giving him space, but blocking the rest of the hall. 

The Painter

Love is everywhere to you. It's in the shadows under people's eyes and the ghost of their laughter. You profess your love quietly and slowly, it trickles out of you in colourful streams. To you, love is a powerful, monumental thing that runs deep through every creature on earth. It is a force to be reckoned with.

The Poet

OLD ASKS JAY IS FINALLY ANSWERING

Anonymous asked: !!! for soul crushing headcanons,  gotta love angst here  

No matter what happens, Taker cannot permanently die. It's impossible. He always comes back. It might take a while, but he does. Because of that, he also can't enter the afterlife.

But he can see it. Usually Hell, when he dies. Hell he can go into, for certain periods of time. He can visit, he can wander. But he can't stay. The longer he's there, the greater the pull he feels to leave. Eventually he can't help it. He just gets forced out. How long it takes depends on a lot of factors - what stage of life he's in, the reason for his visit, so on and so forth, but he can never stay permanently. 

Heaven is even worse. 

He can’t even enter the gates. He never will. Not only will they not open for him, even if they could, it’s impossible for him to get past the threshold. 

OLD MEMES JAY IS FINALLY ANSWERING

@drkroots asked: Baby Say: “My fingers are stuck.” - Dad 

“What?” Kane looks up from the papers he'd been pouring over. He blinks as he processes the scene before him. There's his son. His baby boy. And there's a jar of cookies. Not quite fresh baked; he made them last night. But they were fresh enough to entice his son’s avarice. Kane stared a bit longer. And then he had to muffle a laugh. He hid it poorly, and eventually gave up trying to disguise anything. 

OLD MEMES JAY IS FINALLY ANSWERING

@lunarruled asked: "Drabble" - Style for both boys! 

The mirror in front of him is brilliantly, flawlessly clean. His reflection stares back at him, perfectly mimicking his every move. 

That’s good. 

It means it’s behaving. There’s another reflection beside his, and it’s behaving, too. It’s his little brother’s face. And that face is very focused on trying to make him laugh. 

“Knock it off, Kane.” Adam says, trying and failing to pretend he’s not grinning. Kane looks over at him, cheeks still puffed up and tongue still poking out. He stared at Adam. Adam stared at him. Kane released all of his breath in a raspberry. Adam didn’t bother to hide his laughter. 

“You’re so weird.” He said, knocking his shoulder against Kane’s. Kane grinned broadly in response. 

“Get it from you.” He says, and Adam rolls his eyes again. He turns his attention back to the mirror, adjusting his collar again. It’s a common ritual for the both of them, making sure they looked ‘like proper hosts’ in their shared bathroom while Mama and Papa got ready in theirs. Their parents would be here in just a moment. That’s when the More Important Fussing would happen. For now, though, they were left on their own to get their faces washed, teeth brushed, and hair combed. The basics. 

“How many people are coming today?” Kane asked, scrunching his face and tilting his head as he adjusted his hair. “I forget.” 

“It’s Mr. Tucker.” Adam said, leaning into the sink to give his face one last inspection. “And he didn't have kids. But he was working in the church a lot.” Kane hummed a note and nodded. 

“So a whole bunch of old people.” He said. Adam nodded as well. 

“Probably.” 

“‘S good money.”  Kane said and Adam nodded again. 

“Might be able to get you that new bike.” Adam said. He hopped off his stool and away from the sink.

“Boys!” Papa’s voice came from the hall. They both turned to look in unison. “You ready?” 

“Yes, sir.” They chorused. The door opened, revealing their parents in equally formal, equally black attire. 

“Let’s have a look at you.” Mama said, and Papa moved out of the way to give her a better view. She knelt down. Adam stepped forward first, and was pulled into a warm, smooshy hug before being held at arm's length. Mama pursed her lips in thought, licked her thumb, and smoothed it over Adam’s eyebrow. 

“There we are.” She gave an approving nod. “You're such a handsome young man, Addie.” 

“Am I handsome too, Mama?” Kane asked, standing on his toes to stick his head over Adam’s shoulder. Mama laughed and moved aside to let Adam step into the hall. 

“Of course you are, baby.” She said. Kane beamed in response. Mama took a minute to sort out his hair, then gave his shoulders an approving squeeze. “All set.” She said, stepping back and smiling. 

“We ready?” Papa asked, hooking his thumbs in his belt. Mama smiled and nodded at him. 

@drkroots asked: Tali: “This has no right being this satisfying.” - both

They share a knowing glance between each other. Neither of them were really surprised by her reaction; hell, they felt much the same. There's a reason this is the best night of the year. 

@turpitudae asked: i prefer hanging out with people who are dead for 200 years. it's the live ones that throw me, priest and kane. insert sigh because let uncle give him advice. 

“Yeah.” Kane nods his agreement and crosses his arms. He understands completely. People are strange. They're… Complicated. But the ones like the two of them? The strangers, the freaks, the outcasts? They made sense. Their weirdness was comforting. It was familiar. 

SECTION 1: YARD & FUNERAL HOME RULES

If you are not of the blood, do not venture into the graveyard at night. 

Regardless of blood or not, the graveyard becomes most dangerous at 3:33 AM. 

3:33 PM may get slightly rowdy, but it is not regarded as dangerous. 

2. If the boards are not across the stream on your way to the yard, ask the gravekeeper to move them for you.While this is more a matter of housekeeping, it does have some security purposes. 

Gravekeepers, please ensure the boards are on the proper side of the stream before starting to close down the yard. This will help ensure that no intended visitors are locked away by accident. 

Gravekeepers, please check the undersides of the boards for scratches at least twice weekly. If they need to be replaced, replace them. Burn the previous boards outside of the home. 

3. The locks and chains on the gate must be removed in following order: Gold, silver, iron; They must be replaced in reverse order: Iron, silver, gold. Always make sure they are actually locked before you leave. 

Before opening the locks, gravekeepers must check the bowl of iron filings. If any discolouration is observed, do not open the yard to the public until the issue is resolved. 

If the gate is locked, and you are not a gravekeeper, do not enter the yard. 

4. With the exception of ritual nights, visitors are not permitted in the Old Church. 

If you find yourself within the church for whatever reason, and the doors close, you will be safe within the family crypt. Just be polite while you’re there. And stay near the stairs so you don’t get lost. Remain in the crypt until the noises from the church proper stop. (Note - in any other circumstance, the family crypt is off-limits to outsiders.) 

Do not sit upon the throne without permission. 

Do not climb onto the altar. 

Do NOT bleed on the altar. 

DO NOT damage the statue. 

If the bell tolls, leave. 

5. Visitors are not permitted in the old section of the yard without a designated guide. 

6. Please mind the paths. In the more recent parts of the yard, this is more respectful to lots that aren’t yours/your loved ones’, and helps maintain the plant life. In the deeper parts of the yard, you may get lost if you stray, and the path may not be so eager to find you. 

7. Please do not litter. 

8. Do not make any oaths, promises, or binding deals while within the boundaries of the graveyard. There is centuries worth of witchblood in that soil, and it will remember. 

9. Do not enter the ring of stones surrounding the Wailing Tree. If you do step over the stones, do not make any contact with the tree itself. Leave the yard immediately and seek help from one of the gravekeepers. 

10. If there is an extra female mourner at your loved one’s funeral, she is safe. She will offer you a hug; you are free to accept or refuse as your comfort allows, she will not be offended either way. 

If you wish to give her thanks, don’t do so verbally. She won’t be offended, she just can’t speak to return the sentiment. The best way to show your appreciation (and ensure she keeps an eye on your loved one’s grave) is to leave a dish of cream, tuna, or chicken behind when you visit. 

Gravekeepers are suggested to leave similar offerings to ensure her aid with minor spirits and pest control. 

11. Under no circumstance should any statue with a head be brought into the graveyard. 

Additionally, nobody not of the blood should wander the graveyard alone at night, as stated in rule 1. If you do find yourself alone in the yard at night, DO NOT FALL ASLEEP. 

If families would like the missing heads returned, please contact a gravekeeper to have them located and extracted.

12. If any visitor finds themselves at the Sheriff’s Light, you must turn around and follow the path back to the ‘main’ part of the graveyard. There is nothing for you past that point. 

Around the first of December, you will be greeted there by the ghost of Sheriff Jake Reid. Not only is he safe to talk to, he enjoys the conversation. 

At Christmas, gravekeepers must leave an offering for Jake at the lamp post. His preferred meal is a bowl of turkey stew and a glass of spiced rum. Bring them to his lamp and pour both out at the base. 

13. Please only feed the ravens and vultures biologically appropriate treats, if you must feed them at all. Pamphlets with lists of acceptable foods are available on the front desk of the funeral home. 

14. The old well is not a wishing well. Do not throw anything into it. Not even the bucket at its side. 

Do not look into the well. Not even if you hear a baby crying. 

Especially if you hear a baby crying. 

If you make eye contact with whatever is down there, exit the graveyard and contact the gravekeepers immediately. 

Do not make a wish. Even if it comes true, it won’t do so in the way you want it to. If you attempt this, exit the graveyard and contact the gravekeepers immediately. 

15. If you hear a harmonica playing, leave the area and return to somewhere closer to the entrance gate. The sound should fade; if it does not, exit the graveyard and contact the gravekeepers immediately. 

16. If a crypt says ‘Do Not Disturb’, it is polite to respect this. They don’t like to be bothered. If you do wish to ask a question, speak to the gravekeepers to make sure your offering is appropriate. 

Do not repeat questions. Be satisfied with whatever answer you get. If you want elaboration, find it yourself. 

If the answer you get feels threatening, contact the gravekeepers immediately. 

If you get anything aside from an answer, contact the gravekeepers immediately. Never ask a question of the crypt again. 

17. Please do not pick the flowers growing in the yard. If you wish to bring flowers to a loved one, bouquets and arrangements are available for purchase in the farmer’s market and at Blooming Ridge Arrangements. 

DO NOT TOUCH THE AZALEAS. 

18. Abel Creed did not, at any point, hide or bury any treasure anywhere. Any claims otherwise are false. Any claims made within the graveyard are especially false. 

It is best to assume anything Creed himself says is a lie. Do not engage him in conversation. 

If he attempts to speak to you, you have gone too far into the yard. Return to the gates and wait for a few minutes before resuming your visit. If you see him again, exit the graveyard and contact the gravekeepers immediately. 

19. Do not drink from the stream. 

Do not swim in the stream. 

Do not splash in the stream. 

Do not wade in the stream. 

Do not try to fish in the stream. 

Do not throw anything in the stream that you want to get back. 

DO NOT PUSH ANYBODY INTO THE STREAM. 

20. Do not make eye contact with the Sunrise People. If you are far back enough that you can see them, turn back. Do not speak until you can’t see them anymore. Wait a few minutes after this to be safe. 

If they stop smiling, run. 

If you see more than five of them holding hands, exit the graveyard and contact the gravekeepers immediately.

They do not speak. 

They do not speak. 

They do not speak. 

THEY DO NOT SPEAK. 

 21. Please wash your hands before you touch the stone at the witch’s grave. It is also advisable to wash them after the fact. 

22. Do not stomp on the graves. The noise irritates them. 

23. Do not accept food from anyone you do not know while in the graveyard. 

If someone you know did not enter the yard with food, but is now offering you food, do not accept it. 

If you see any food growing in the yard (eg. vegetables, berries), DO NOT consume them. 

24. Do not introduce yourself to anyone within the graveyard. 

25. At no point should any bed within the funeral home be within view of a window that faces the graveyard. 

26. On ritual nights, the shower in the downstairs bathroom is not to be turned on. 

27. If you do not have the blood, do not answer the Deadline. Your ears will thank you. 

28. Do not read the carvings on the interior of the wall. 

Do not add to the carvings on the interior of the wall. 

If they whisper to you, ignore them. 

If you hear your name, that is normal; if you see your name among the carvings, exit the graveyard and contact the gravekeepers immediately. 

29. Do not whistle in the graveyard after sunset. If you hear whistling after dark, exit the graveyard and contact the gravekeepers immediately. 

30. Photography is permitted in the graveyard, as long as you ask first. Please practise courtesy and do not photograph mourning parties or visitors without asking first. 

It is always a good idea, even if you don’t see anyone near you, to ask ‘May I take your picture?’. You can never be too sure who is listening. 

31. Do not take what is not yours. 

32. Please check in with the gravekeepers when you enter, and check out when you leave. Feel free to call ahead if you have any further questions or require additional assistance! 

SECTION 2: VALLEY RULES - THE TOWN

Dave has a glandular disorder. That is all outsiders need to know. Do not entertain other options. 

Do not stay in Room 3 of the Super8. It should not be for sale, but if you see the key, do not touch it. 

If, for whatever reason, you do enter Room 3, do not wear the suit. Leave immediately. 

Do leave a tip in the jar at the empty stall of the farmer’s market; do NOT take any of the money from the jar. 

Do not ask Angelico/’Angie’ the dog to speak. 

Other tricks are perfectly fine. HOWEVER, if you would like to reward Angie with treats, please speak to Father Raphael to discuss healthy options. 

It is safe to ask the cats for the time. Do not try to force them out of your dreams after; this is their payment. 

Do not try to write down the song the statue sings. 

The mothman is harmless. Do not bother him. 

Remember to leave out an offering of meat alongside the milk and cookies at Christmas time. Kringle gets hungry. 

Don’t harass Miss June for predictions. She will offer them as they come. Do study the language of flowers, as she is not always around to translate. 

Do not call the sheriff about chupacabras. They’re pests, not criminals. Leave them be or run them off with a broom yourself. 

Preventative measures include a mixture of cinnamon and white vinegar, keeping any pets or livestock indoors (eg. barns and stables) at night, building a fence around your property, and employing the use of LGDs. 

If the Nosy Girl visits you, it is safe to ignore her - but the consequences are yours to bear. She is likely trying to show you something you ought to know. 

If she does show you something, it’s polite to leave her a gift as thanks. She typically likes dolls, sweets, and costume jewellery. 

Do not go swimming in the reservoir at night. Especially not alone. 

Do not go cliff diving alone. 

If you see bubbles rising to the surface of the water, avoid that area. It is still safe to swim, but be mindful. 

If the bubbles move - especially towards you - leave. 

If you hear a knocking sound, do not panic - this is a warning, not a threat. They’re just letting you know there’s a danger nearby. Rethink that dive. 

If you wish to take a walk to hear El Coro, please stay on the walking paths. It can get slippery. 

There is a reason the Rattler will only sell you one ‘shot of Hooch’. Do not try to get around this. 

SECTION 2: VALLEY RULES - THE DESERT

Do not wander alone. 

If you hear humming at night, do not go towards the sound. Even if it means heading back out into the desert, go in the opposite direction until the sound stops. Once you are certain you’re out of direct harm, immediately contact the gravekeepers and inform them of the situation. 

If you see the door to 402, it is best to ignore it. 

Don’t knock. It only annoys them, and they won’t answer you regardless. 

Do not put anything through the mail slot that does not belong there. However, properly-addressed holiday cards or reminders about town council meetings are appreciated. 

Do not try to see the back of the door. The headache is not worth it. 

Do not try to knock the door over. It will not work. 

If you break any of the above rules, you may find strange junk mail in your mailbox. Most of it is safe. However, anything written in suspiciously dark red ink or on leather should be burned immediately. Wash your hands after you clear out the ashes. If this happens more than once, contact the gravekeepers immediately. 

If you are approached by Jules O’Lancey and asked to play a game of cards, it is safe to accept the offer. It is also safe to place bets. Do not bet anything you aren’t ready to give up. 

Do not bet anyone’s soul. 

Do not try to avoid paying your dues. He will collect regardless. 

If you ignore these rules, DO NOT STOP PLAYING. Challenge Jules to a rematch. This will buy you time. Contact the gravekeepers and have them meet you at the card table. Follow their instructions to the letter. 

If you cannot contact the gravekeepers, throw the cards and run. If you’re lucky, you might get eaten by something else. 

The howling is just coyotes. Do not investigate further. 

Do not go near the gulch. 

If you notice your surroundings appearing more grey, monochrome, or otherwise washed out, you are getting too close. Turn around and walk in the other direction until things look normal again. Keep your eyes forward until you are on a path you recognize. 

If you find yourself close to the gulch, listen to the birds. If you hear them sing when they shouldn’t, be wary. If you hear an owl, run. 

If you hear drumming, immediately find the nearest gravekeeper and follow their instructions. 

If you hear a human voice calling to you, listen closely. If they repeat the call with the same name or same tone, that is not a human. If the syllables or intonation seem warped or distorted, that is not a human. Shine your flashlight around the immediate area. If many low-down sets of eyes reflect back at you, you’re safe. Just don’t answer them - or feed them. It ruins their natural appetites. 

If you don’t see any eyes, walk away from the area slowly. Once you see the lights from the town, you should be safe. 

If you don’t see any eyes, but you do see a shape that shouldn’t be human, keep staring at it. Back away slowly. Do not look away. Try not to blink. 

Do not introduce yourself to anyone you meet until you arrive in town. The strangers do not need your name. 

Don’t go towards the old residential district. 

The Children of the Fog live in the north-east. While they are mostly harmless, it is best to leave them alone. If you are polite and ask for help, they may have a guide accompany you back to the Valley proper. Do not go to their compound. 

If you do find yourself at the compound, find something to cover your eyes. Do not draw attention to yourself. While they are harmless to outsiders, they despise intruders. 

If you are camping, please observe proper camping procedures and etiquette. Do not litter. Take only photographs, leave only footprints. Make sure your food is inaccessible to the wildlife. Check in with the sheriff’s office before you head out. Let a relative know where you’re going and how long you intend to be there. Count the number of people in your camping party before you leave. Remember that number. Write it down if you must. Add it to the list of names of people who came with you. Keep the head count and the name list separate. Re-count and re-check often. Do not share these lists with anyone else - though do encourage everyone in your group to keep their own lists.

It is always a good idea to make sure your shadow is facing the right way - when was the last time you checked? 

That is not a coyote. 

SECTION 2: VALLEY RULES - THE OLD DISTRICT

Do not enter the Old District. There is nothing for you here. You are better off avoiding it. 

If you must enter, make sure you know in advance exactly where you’re going, how to get there, and what you want to accomplish. Write it down on paper. Read it frequently throughout your trip. Do not get distracted. Do not forget your name. 

Do not approach the old gallows. Do not enter the town square whatsoever. If you find yourself drawing close, turn around.

If you start noticing any feelings of anger and resentment, leave the Old District immediately. 

These rules should be considered especially important if you are travelling with anyone, increasing exponentially the more people are in your party. 

Bring your own food. Don’t sit at any table to eat. DO NOT eat anything you find in the Old District. 

Especially not any vegetables. 

In fact, if you see anything growing, avoid it. 

Check the number of limbs on any dead animals you may see. If it seems more than normal, leave. Burn your clothes, wash your entire body, and keep an eye on your garden for a few days. Contact the gravekeepers immediately if anything seems amiss. 

That’s not a dinner bell. 

The Whispering House is not worth finding. If you do find it, keep your voice down. You don’t want to wake them. 

Do not go into any standing structures. The buildings here are old and not maintained, and could collapse if you disturb them. Be smart! 

Leave an offering of metal at the old forge if you plan to be there longer than a few minutes. It might just bring you the luck you need to go home. 

Do not go underground for any reason. 

That’s still not a dinner bell. 

Don’t drink the water. Bring your own. Only uncap it as absolutely necessary, and make sure it’s sealed when you’re not drinking. 

If you feel like you’re being watched, you are. Don’t react. Don’t look for what’s staring at you. Gather your things and leave as if you were simply doing so because it was time to go, not to keep yourself safe. Don’t let them know that you noticed. 

Do the same if you hear them trying to get your attention through vague vocalisations. These include ‘hi’, ‘hello’, ‘hey’, and similar. As long as you do not give them attention, this is harmless. 

If they call your name, follow the same procedure. Once you get into town, do not return home. Do not speak to anyone. Do not make eye contact with anyone. Walk, DO NOT RUN, to the gravekeepers’ home. Stay casual, but do not speak to anyone until you are in the gravekeepers’ home and they address you first. Do not draw attention. 

 Don’t take anything from the district. None of it belongs to you. Do not be a thief. 

Say thank you after you leave. It’s polite. (Disregard this if you have reason to not speak. There are other ways to show your gratitude.)

Bring an analogue watch. Not digital, analogue. This is important. Write down what time you enter the district. Check the watch regularly. Write those times down as well. Pay attention. Remember them. If any of the numbers seem off, leave. If they start going backwards, freeze where you are, but keep your watch in view. Don’t move until the hands tick forwards again. Leave quickly and contact the gravekeepers immediately. 

Cold spots are safe. It just means they’re curious. That’s fine. Hot flashes are a warning of impending danger. Leave. 

SECTION 3: VALLEY RULES - THE FOREST

All walking trails are marked. Please mind the markings as you go!

Do not wander unmarked trails.

Do not set foot on falsely marked trails. You will not reach the destination you want. 

Do not whistle. 

Especially not at night. 

Even if you hear someone else whistling first. 

Do NOT answer the whistles.

The louder they sound, the farther they are. The quieter they sound, the closer they are. Keep this in mind. 

The footbridge will not harm you; it’s just curious. Do not sit on the bridge. It doesn’t appreciate road blocks. 

Do not go foraging without an expert. There are many plants that have poisonous look-a-likes, and many that have to be left untouched due to conservation reasons. 

Do not touch any rosaries, shrines, or talismans you may see in the woods. They are there for a reason. 

The offerings are not for you. Do not take them. Feel free to leave one, though; it will be appreciated. 

Wear a bell on your clothes to alert wildlife of your approach. They’re often just as scared as you are!

Make sure you bring appropriate supplies. If you are unsure of what you might need, pre-made lists based on the intent and duration of your stay are available free of charge at the sheriff’s office. 

Do not bleed on the trails.

Do n ot  bl ee d on th e t ra i ls. 

Do not sit in the car. At all.

Do not go near the car. 

Do not listen to the car.

Avoid the car. 

Check the bulletin board outside the town hall for updates on cherry picking season. Bring a bucket and a ladder! Make sure to check the market later in the season for preserves, pies, and other sweet treats! 

That’s not a deer.

Please observe state-regulated hunting seasons and limitations. If you have questions, please visit the Sheriff’s office. If you are found violating any hunting laws or without a proper permit, you will be punished within the full extent of the law.

The Sasquatch is still just Dave. He needs his lunch breaks too, you know. 

Don't shoot Dave. He doesn't hurt anybody and he's part of the town. Plus he's vegetarian. Just let him be. 

It's a good idea to carry silver bullets as well as the standard sort, and a spray bottle of holy water next to your bear spray. You can buy these at Walker & Colt. You can also pick up bags of iron filings. Always a good thing to have in case of emergency. 

Do not step into any mushroom rings. You might not come back to the same forest you left. 

This is a good reason to bring the aforementioned iron filings.

If you do find yourself in a circle, mind your manners and remember: while they cannot lie, they can mislead. And mind your manners. 

Boil or otherwise clean any water before you drink it. It is best to bring your own water, of course, but emergency filters can be purchased at the Sheriff’s office or Walker & Colt. 

Do not whistle at night. 

If you find any carrion in the wood, leave it be. Even if it looks like it might still be alive. Especially if it moves. It belongs to something else now. 

Hemlock’s shack is private property. Please ask permission before you go into his garden. 

Don’t eat anything from that garden. Even if he offers it.