I'm a loaf of bread

I’d have to wait months or even years for another chance to reblog this, so why the fuck not?

I’d have to wait months or even years for another chance to reblog this, so why the fuck not?

isn’t it weird how it’s already february but it’s also only february

I see this post every February and it always fucks me up

i love parental figures who try especially straight cis men who like dont know shit but theyre like oh boy? i know boy things. heres a boy item for you, a freshly declared boy. welcome to the club :)

They used to keep goats in stables with racing horses to calm them down so my question is would centaurs have emotional support goats

Is that not what satyrs are?

Oh my gosh you’ve cracked the code

yesterday one of my coworkers came in saying ‘did you know the president is giving James Patterson a medal’ and we all started yelling

Why do we hate Patterson? I mean, I’m down to hate him but I wanna know why

if you have a problem with any of the fictional pairings that i enjoy on the internet, for the low cost of $9,000 you can pay me to care about what you think

YFJVJVYRUJTGJBJ

i was with my mother’s family and they were talking to me about my religious studies major. my great aunt asked me what the definition of hell was, and i responded “well i suppose it depends on who you ask.” and nearly all the protestants in the group decided that hell was “the absence of god” which i suppose is a fair answer, albeit not a universal one. my cousin’s wife was playing with her 3-year-old daughter and she says “well mommy says that hell is a mcdonald’s playplace” asdfghjhgfd

this 3-year-old girl is so fucking hilarious. her mothers have signed her up for a toddler yoga class, and so she has adopted a very unique language. this child also has an imaginary friend named “mom” which is, in her mind, the boss of her two mothers. for example, my cousin’s wife explained to me how her daughter got mad at them one time. the little girl situated herself in the corner of her crib, pretended to type on a cell phone and said  “im writing an email to mom right now and telling her how bad you two are. namaste.”

the family’s Big Theory about “Mom” is that both my cousin and her wife are referred to as “Mommy” and “Mama.” The nickname “Mom” is not used in the house because it would just be confusing. However, when interacting with the world, people tell their daughter that they will “tell her mom” if she is doing something wrong. so this child automatically assumes there is this greater “Mom” figure that is responsible for distributing universal justice. 

and with that, this child may have possibly created my personal definition of God. a big lesbian mom in charge of all the other lesbian moms.

We forgot about it

I once signed up to participate in a study on how depression affects memory, forgot I was meant to go do it, and when I emailed to apologise to the PhD student running it she basically told me that a) she was very used to this happening and b) the weird irony of her theories’ correctness making it very difficult to arrange proving them had by now gone from infuriating to hysterical

my memory has gotten so bad at one point I couldn’t remember easy words. It would sometimes take me MINUTES to formulate what I wanted to say. it’s better now, but I still have an absolute TRASH memory

BEAT👏ALL👏PEDOPHILES👏