Ooh thank you for bringing this up because I have Thoughts!
I don’t think it’s that Aziraphale isn’t hearing Crowley. I think it’s more that almost everything Crowley is saying already feels obvious to him.
Like, Aziraphale has “picked up the pace” significantly this season. He’s referring to “our bookshop” and “our car” and “our life” and “ourselves.” He’s reaching for Crowley more openly. The look on his face when Gabriel and Beelzebub confess their love for each other, the way he keeps looking at Crowley like look, it’s us! They’re just like us! The way he's so excited to tell Crowley that they can finally be together openly, be themselves, and live without the fear and anxiety that's always followed them.
So when Crowley says "we've known each other a long time" and "we're a team, a group (a couple)," and "I could always rely on you, you could always rely on me," Aziraphale looks confused. Like he's thinking, well yes, obviously, we know all that. Why are you saying that now, like it's some big thing? Why are you acting all upset? Isn't that exactly what I've been saying just now? So when he says "Come with me!" in response to that, he's not ignoring what Crowley just said but agreeing with it.
Yes, we are a team, a couple. Yes we can always rely on each other. That's why I need you to come with me! That's why I accepted the Metatron's offer in the first place! So we can be together, in Heaven, doing good (Good — they're still the same thing to Aziraphale) together, as a team, like we've always done!
I think the main thing Crowley says that Aziraphale doesn't know what to do with, like you pointed out, is when he says "And we've spend our existence pretending that we aren't [a couple]." And I don't want to pretend any longer. That's the thing that really makes Aziraphale's face fall. That's where their points of agreement begin to diverge.
Because what Aziraphale's offering is freedom (of a sort) and a life together like "the old times" — meaning pre-Armageddon, when they had their Arrangement — "only even nicer" because they can be out in the open, sanctioned by Heaven, and actually use their power to make a meaningful difference on a larger scale, not just one-off kindnesses every now and then. But what that doesn't come with is not having to pretend. That's the thing Aziraphale can't offer Crowley with this package, because in Heaven, they'd still know they were on their side and a team and partners and all that — but they still couldn't openly acknowledge or name that.
And the part that comes after that about "going off together" takes Aziraphale from confused to properly upset. I think Aziraphale saw Crowley giving up Alpha Centauri to Gabriel and Beelzebub as Crowley acknowledging that his previous dream of them "going off together" isn't ultimately the life they want. He gives him this sort of emotional, knowing look in that moment. I think Aziraphale's thinking oh, if only that could be us. So it comes as a surprise that Crowley still proposes they do what Gabriel and Beelzebub did.
So when he says "come with me" he's gone from confused to upset and defensive — I thought this was what you wanted, what we both wanted! I thought you understood by now that we can't just run away! I thought you wanted to be together, and this is how we can do that, and you're turning me down?
He doesn't say anything to Crowley saying "we've pretended not to be a couple for all this time" (and I don't want us to pretend anymore) because that's the one thing he doesn't know what to do with. I think you're right that that's the part he doesn't fully understand — he doesn't understand why that would be so important to Crowley, when from his perspective they've just been offered everything they've ever wanted. That's also the reason for his last desperate "We can be together!" Okay, yes, we couldn't openly name our love for each other in Heaven, but we'd be together, and isn't that the point? Isn't that the important thing?
I fear I've rambled on too long but basically: Aziraphale did hear and understand Crowley's love confession for what it was. He's on the same page up to a point — he and Crowley love each other, they both want a life together. He doesn't respond to most of what Crowley's saying because to him, Crowley's just stating the obvious, and Aziraphale is confused as to why Crowley's acting like Aziraphale's "come with me to Heaven" is going against those things.
But the one part Aziraphale heard and didn't get was "we've spent our existence pretending that we aren't." It's not that he doesn't understand what Crowley means, it's that he doesn't understand why Crowley is so hung up on that particular aspect when they could have everything else they've ever wanted. When he realizes he was wrong, and Crowley doesn't want what he thought they both wanted, he gets defensive and upset.
And yeah, I'm not a "coffee theory" fan either. I think it's far more interesting as is — that they both thought they knew what the other wanted, and neither of them can understand how they got it so very wrong.
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