one of the wildest parts about aging for me has been watching what was, to live through, an isolating and hostile terra incognita, being tweely defanged to an aesthetic….. and in a way it’s flattering to see the arc of your own youth contribute specifically to this egregore of nostalgia…. but in another way it’s just so lonely. A little like i only ever become socially legible decades later, in echoes.

me when im about to do something sneaky and inadvisble

it turns out the world does not care that i am young and beautiful and the LAST thing it wanted was for me to come back to it, unfortunately.

But if I have a baby I have to figure out how to not be terrifying and paranoid and wraithlike as a maternal figure and I’m gaining a bunch of weight which helps with the aesthetics of motherhood so maybe my physical appearance itself wouldn’t be so angular and scare the baby, but even so. There’s also all the stuff I say and do.

And like my biological clock wants me to either have a baby or die in battle for a righteous cause and I don’t think she’s getting either one :(

In October I got engaged and I got a new kitten. I don’t love myself, but I love the world, and when I focus I can usually find a state of serenity above my emotions from which I can operate

Longest September in recorded history

I should have known this was the nerve I would hit, if any. Hi.

it makes a lot of sense now tho that it took so long to catch him because when they read the magic gay bullet in the woods they had to stop and suck each other off which must have taken forever considering kash’s stim addiction