I Scream, I Sleep

smoked the weed that makes you want to jump and slap exit signs

Omg... I get to invited Bella Hadid... me gigi

being a pervert working around blue collar people all day is so hard, because you can't walk by someone and say "woah, the dripping in sweat and aftershave combo make you smell absolutely fuckalicious today, keep it up!"

Jumba and Pleakly should've been the chaotic swingers couple on The White Lotus

pussy so refreshing that when they cum, the Wii Sports theme plays

Jerry Actress

the undeniable rush of a motherfucker blocking you because you're right

only getting married to wear a wedding band because it looks sick as fuck

*has vision* I need to fuck him before God gets to him first in an airplane crash

Master baiting? Mistress catching

Reverse cowgirl? Or double oh seven special?

call me the dog catcher the way I've been catching these strays

Pup handlers → keeping treats on their person, just in case of an encounter ← grandmas

I hate this subscription ass planet

Feed my family a Lamborghini

asking for nudes be like: "selfie for your cock?"

everyone needs to enter their fat man era