Girl with the broken soul

Having had a laparoscopy and having the confirmation that I was correct all along, is both satisfactory and enraging at the same time. Knowing that I wasn't crazy all along but wasn't believed pisses me off like nothing else. How many women go through life miserable trying to get a medical professional to believe her? How long does she have to wait until her pain is real? Why are we made to suffer are we not worth the effort? Why does it take for a man to speak up on our behalf in order to be seen and considered worth it? Women die, suffer endlessly and abundantly but god forbid a mans dick goes limp or he's balding, cuz thats solved by the end of the week.

Typical endo flare up for me

Leg pain: lets hurt for no reason

Leg numbness: have fun walking with me

Back: feels like I got hit with a brick

Uterus: hmmm cramps it is or stabbing pain lets alternate

Butthole: lets throw in lightening bolt shots for funsies

Whats it like being chronically ill you may ask??? Its annoying for the simple fact that everyone always wants to tell you how they felt this pain, or had this similar symptom and a tea, herbal pill, or meditation helped them. Look here Linda don't you think I tried all that? Like, I don't just go to the hospital for shits and giggles if I am at the hospital it's because I've been in pain and have reached my threshold. So no your tea, herbal pills, and meditation don't work here.

Being chronically ill is constantly having to cancel on plans you were looking forward too. And knowing people aren't going to understand and get upset with you. It's waking up in the morning already in pain and knowing it's only going to get worse. It's having to pause your life without knowing when you'll be ok. A 10 to you is an average 6 to me on the pain scale, but that doesn't mean I am stronger than you it just means I have lived with it long enough to be able to live with it. Just because I carry it well doesn't mean it isn't heavy.

Well since my last check in life was going good. But as of recently things have gotten a bit strange. At work people have came and gone because of the micromanaging that the director does. Recently my supervisor threw in the towel and quit leaving us to basically fend for ourselves. Everyday there is something else to add to the pile of things we have to do the only problem is we get but one paycheck.. I never imagined that I would work for healthcare that was more corporate than anything. Here its all about how many numbers you can get out they stopped being people and have just become a number. Every one is basically pitted against each other to see who can tattle tell the most . Favoritism is the only way to move up in this company hard work won't get you far but more work on your desk. The idiots get away with it all because they suck up. So I stopped trying I do what I need to and not another number more. But at least I know that I actually put my patients first to me they aren't a number they are a person behind that account number.