Broken By society

You didn’t break me.

You see broken things can be repaired. Restored back to its beautiful shiny appearance. Back to its original condition where you couldn’t tell there was anything wrong with it.

Me... what did you do to me? Well you ruined me. I will never be the same. There is nothing that can ever restore me to who I used to be. No reset button. No magical cure that will ever allow me to revert back to who I was. I am warped forever. Never again innocent.

Something that was so goddamn beautiful you tainted with your lies and deceit. Love no longer easily given because of the hate you had towards me. Trust never given to the ones who deserve it because of all your lies. Faith no longer granted due to your infidelity. My heart only given in pieces because you shattered it time and time again.

Dreams replaced with nightmares. Abuse that I have to relive ever fucking night. But you sleep well. Forever searching for pieces of a puzzle that will never come together. Always chasing a fix to forget. But they’re never permanent. Drunk enough to forget only to remember in the morning. High for a minute then snapping back into the reality you have put me in.

Absolute hell. A raging fire of self consciousness, regret, and pure hate burn inside of me. Being throw into anxiety attacks because for a brief moment I cannot separate reality from the past. Depression because I cannot accept that I was not at fault. Thoughts that I should’ve been a better wife and mother causing my breath to catch in my throat. Burning, sweating, dizzy. Impulses of reaching out knowing that it’ll never change. But you were comfortable.Bipolar becoming manic. Fighting everyday to be happy.

Screaming as loud as I can inside for help but silent because that’s what you instilled in me. Never tell. Cover the bruise. Conceal the pain. “Shhh.. Im allowed to abuse you but you’re not allowed to talk about it. If you do I will play victim and blame your disorders. Have you committed” you convinced me you were “the best” I could do. Because no one would ever love a broken mess like me. And I believed you. Believed that I was unworthy to be with you and lucky that you chose me.

Now your games have become someone else’s burden. I cannot separate you from them. Flinching due to quick movement. Reacting in defense every time because of your rage. Never fully committing. Protecting my heart because you broke it time and time again... hurting someone I have strong feelings for because I don’t want them to get to close.

Being a survivor should be a good thing but not like this. I stood there and watched my kind die. My friends and family savagely cut down and dragged away. I screamed and cried and begged them to stop but they wouldn’t. The tiny humans couldn’t understand me. To them my begging was just the wind howling. My tears just dew falling from my leaves.

We all locked branches. Holding each other until the end. One by one my kind was disappearing. my wife gone, my family gone, my best friend gone, and on and on. It went until I was the very last tree standing in the forest. I thought for sure they would take me too. I was hoping and praying I would be cut down too. With all of my heart and soul I was pleading to the God up above to go. I didn’t want to be the last. Standing here all alone by myself would be a fate worse than death. They didn’t take me though. I was heartbroken. All I could think about was my family and friends.

I was infuriated. I thought, “why couldn’t It have been someone else who got to suffer this tragic fate” but that didn’t help. I knew that as much as it hurt me I wouldn’t want to wish it on anyone else. I scream and I screamed but nothing helped. Then I was sad. I cried and cried. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t do anything. Finally, I accepted that I was the last standing tree and that I couldn’t bring my family and friends back. It was still hard though. At night I am no longer protected from the weather. We used to all stretch are branches high and cover each other but now I feel everything. The cold chilling wind whipped and lashed at me. The ice like knives cutting my bark. The sun crisping and burning every inch of me.

For a while I felt numb. I would sit there and reminisce. I remembered all the animals. Some would live in the tops of our branches and the others would come and visit. I miss those little animals. I remembered the healing parties we used to have. We had these when trees reached their dying point. It didn’t matter if that tree was miles away as long as it was in our forest we celebrated. We would all pray for them. Then we would stay up all night until that tree has passed into the great beyond. The animals and birds and even the tiny little insects would all be there. We not only celebrated the wonderful life of the dying tree but the birth of a new tree that would take its place.

I remember the day my little sapling came into the world. It was the best moment of my life. I loved her more than I’ve ever loved anything in my life. She was 118 years old. Man did she think she was grown. I really miss her. It’s the good memories that keep me going. I try to keep the sad memories at bay. I would rather rejoice in their memory than let the pain consume me.

~20 Years Later~

There is lots of human activity around here now. They’ve built lots buildings. It’s nice to have visitors here. It’s been so long. For a while I was so lonely. Sometimes I still get sad and mourn but only sometimes.

There is this little girl who comes and sees me. Her name is Chloe. She lost her family too. They died in a firey explosion of two metal rolling death traps colliding. She was place with nice people. Chloe’s happy now and the people love her. I’m very grateful for her.

Chloe comes by to visit me often. She talks and reads to me. My favorite is about a tree like me who gives. It has inspired me to be grateful for the days I have been blessed with.

Though I can’t talk back to Chloe, when it’s too hot or too cool I drop my branches down so she is protected. I think Chloe was sent by all those in heaven watching over me. I miss them so much. But I have Chloe and that will get me through until I see them again.

Mr. boogie man. A stealer of children. Watch your back parents or your child could be eaten.

Their souls torn and devoured. Tears and blood and pain. He feeds upon their innocents. He makes them go insane.

Then they resume their lives as puppets. Doing his dirty deeds. Slaughtering families and hungry for blood. Planting evil seeds.

But he doesn’t just stop there. Nope. Teens are at risk too. For if they play a Ouija board He might try coming through.

He’s an nasty evil wicked demon. A master at deception. You may see him or you may not. He may be in your reflection.

He stands at a height 7 foot 2. His eyes are black gaping holes. He’ll stand and watch you while you sleep. In your dreams he’ll place his ghouls.

This demon is of ancient times. He’s old, he’s wise, and smart. If you’re not carful around Buhguul You may be ripped apart.

For he has plans. Wicked ones. Do not get in his way. You stand no chance against Buhguul Keep him far at bay.

He’ll send you into the darkest corners. Places you forgot existed. Into the blackest parts of your mind With all the memories you twisted.

And sometimes you’ll see a silhouette Standing next to Buhguul. At 9 foot high and 7 foot wide You’ll wonder what to do.

But it’s ok that’s just Dexa. Satan’s right hand man. He’s no harm to you or me As long as you follow the plan.

They want you to open a portal The brothers are the key Brothers 1,2,3 will open the tear To let the demons free.

Satan’s becoming impatient. He’s ready for the war. He’s ready for the revelation Where 3 bloods will pour.

Angels, humans, and demons will merge together. A battle will be fought. God will take the Christians And the devil will take the lost.

Darkness is not just the night you see. To me it ’s the place I feel at ease. The place that I lay my head down to sleep. The only place that accepts me for me.

If you look beneath the rubble and ash You might see something go by fast. And don’t be scared if you hear things crash. It’s only my demons free at last.

There might be blood all on the floor. For I shall bleed forever more. But you don’t have to see the gore. Exit left, there’s the door.

And don’t ask who I was before The girl who finally hit the floor, For I don’t remember any more From my memory it has been torn.

Remember that looks can deceive And no I’ll never feel at ease I cut my wrist and watch it bleed Then I remind myself to breath.

Broken from a fucked up past. Wistful dreams, they never last. And yes ill always be outcast. Please wait while I put on my mask

“You forgot about me…” “I didn’t mean to”