idk man

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

Raccoons are the worst. You expect them to go through your stuff and steal your food while you’re camping, but they don’t stop there - half the time, they’ll be curious enough to come over and touch you. They prod your sleeping body with their horrible little people hands, run their claws through your hair, hold your fingers with their own. I’ve never been aggressively menaced by one, but they’ve slapped my ass through hammock fabric on multiple occasions and stroked my face or hands on others. I’ve played tug-of-war with large raccoons through my window when they grabbed the string to the yarn-and-cup telephone I’d set up with my neighbor.

They come into the cabins at camp every night. I’ve never had one touch any of my campers, but that’s only because I sleep with my hand curled around the handle of a broomstick and have trained myself to recognize their snuffling and scrabbling. I have leapt out of a bunk to sweep them forcefully out of the cabin in the dead of night, to sleepy tween boys whispering “Wow… you’re like a superhero…”

What if I want little hair goblins to sneak in at night and gently touch my face with their weird tiny fingers

then boy do I have the place for you

I’m sorry I’m over here laughing my ass off because someone got their ass slapped by a raccoon… oh please karma be kind, it’s just so ridiculous sounding but I know every word of it is true. XDDD

There’s nothing more disconcerting than almost drifting off in the coziness of your hammock, only for a wee little hand to pat-pat-pat right on your ass through the fabric.