Quick fun update because I’ve been using tumblr to document my life since 2010. I dated a guy for a year. I wrote a few posts about him and my experiences with him and how much I adored him. I wrote a few posts prior to us dating and being best friends for a few years. Strange how things change.
I haven’t talked to him since May? And I guess he’s moving to Mobile. I have quite a bit of anger surrounding it all. Reflecting back, it’s just like, “Oh fuck, thank god I’m outta that.” He was not very nice to me. He didn’t care like maybe a boyfriend should. Not to say too much, but I’m having many revelations and reflections and a lot of, “I need to be more careful in the future.” At this point, I would be okay with reconnecting and being friends again, but I need a big ol’ genuine apology. And I don’t think we will be best friends like we were before.
But hey! Can I just say that I’ve been hella stable, content, happy, etc, for months?? I’ve learned to love being alone?? You know, I think I can attribute a lot of this to my beautiful cat (I got a cat.) Actually, that would make a lot of sense.
But yes, I am happy. My life is so good. I’ve got a great job and home. I am surrounded by brilliant people.
Also, I am kind of dating and that’s been triggering SO many flight or fight experiences, but how else am I going to numb myself to the anxieties?
Fun fact, I met a 30yo who has his shit together and is super weird, kind, funny, genuine. I’m not super feeling him, but I’m super excited that I’ve made a connection and new friend and powered through the anxiety and maybe we can smooch a bit. And maybe that means that I can meet other people and not be terrified of them.
Or I can be alone forever and that is SO okay!
I don’t know how to end this post. But happy update. Hope everyone is well. Get a cat--they will help you live your best life.
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