when it rains, it fucking pours

“I think of you so often you have no idea.”

I’m nothing. I’m a drifter.    I have friends, but not lasting friends.    I have loved, but nothing that lasted.    I’ve had so many things that I wish I could change, but never have.    I’m sad, I’m happy, and I care all too much and all too little at the same time.    The pain never seems to fade though, the memories never seem to die, the reality keeps me alive, but it also makes me want to die.    Everything in my life is in a constant state of wondering if I will ever be good enough or if I will even make it through the next week.    Things are routine, things are hectic.    And the most solid things in my life seem to be the most flaky.    I want to sleep, but I want to explore the world.    I need sleep, but no matter how hard I try, everything keeps me up.    So when people ask me what I want to be when I grow up, I’ll say “I want to be something”    I’ve had enough being nothing.

Sometimes you need to sleep, sleep a lot. Not to escape, but to rest your soul from your feelings. Because everything, absolutely everything devours you. Completely.