since its the vampire lestat week, it suddenly hit me how a lot of people in-universe have probably drawn the conclusion that lestat despises claudia. everyone thinks he hated claudia, including louis back then, and claudia herself up until her final death.
but in truth, he hated himself more. he still hates himself.
for giving claudia that life, this life, knowing well by experience she will be doomed. for giving in to louis and his fledgeling naivety, that spiteful night. for putting forward silly revenge towards the only two people who might have actually loved him, once upon a time, and stupidly gave the knife to people he perfectly knew were despicable, disgusting, manipulative fucks.
for letting them go and walking her right into her predestined doomed ending.
for letting them use him, in their sick show of shameless vampiric greed and realized too little too late the trap he too, was set in.
now, he’s living with that loath for himself. guilt so deeply rooted, that she haunts him everywhere. he thinks, that he can’t even properly say her name. but maybe her worst moments haunting him over, and over, and over again is the eternal stake to the heart he deserves.
