Brick Whartley Can't Lose!

Dearest Tumblr!

I have returned from my meditative retreat atop the secluded mountain of the Pikaman, to resume my duties as Chief Merch Officer of the @emporium.

But Abstract Reactions will forever be in my heart — I’m even considering getting them tattooed! 

Just to refresh your memories, on April 1st, Tumblr provided you with a bunch of Reactions to use on posts! Specifically, the emojis I had most recently used on my phone… I’m SO proud of how much incredible ENGAGEMENT the product received. 

Over 100,000 of you spirited react-ers participated — and how many reactions did everyone use, you might wonder? Well, wonder no longer, I’ll tell ya! 

🐛 was used over 20 million times.

🧀 was used over 7 million times.

🦀 was used over 3.8 million times.

And tied for fourth, 4️⃣ and 👻 and 🐴 were used over 2 million times each!

The special SUPER reactions of 🦄, Pikaman, 🍪, and even me, Brick myself, were unlocked over 15,000 times!

And at least one clever person figured out that I never thought about checking if someone could send negative reactions, so it turns out someone sent in over 120 million negative 🧀 reactions! So many cheesed posts got un-cheesed with that anti-cheese — and you know what, I’m not even mad about it! 

Here’s to 🐛! Cheers!

— The Crabs

Oh, Tumblr, Tumblr, Tumblr. 

The response to the Abstract Reacts has been overwhelming. Your humble Brick has been—well—humbled. 

But as Chief Reactions officer, I know this product can be even better. You don’t even know what you don’t even know you’re missing out on yet. The perfect version of the feature is somewhere out there, waiting to be born. All it needs is a genius (me) to come up with it!!

So beginning tomorrow, I’ll be taking a sabbatical.

Not an enforced vacation to Clawland this time, but instead a purposeful journey up the mountains to the Cave of the Pikaman. 

There, I will dine solely on caterpillar juice and pure vanilla extract, and begin an extended silent meditation course, which will lead me down the sacred spiritual road of Enhanced Product Experience and More Clicks!!!!!!

While I’m gone, Roberd will continue running the Emporium, and business will continue as usual, but alas our beloved Reactions will be temporarily made unavailable. Of course, they will continue to exist in your minds and hearts. 

And who knows? Perhaps even in your dreams. 

Yours meditatively,  

My Dear Tumblr, 

Hoo boy. All these reactions floating through the dashboard air are making me feel a bit squiffy. They’re damn near intoxicating! 

When I tell you, I am overcome with the sweet smell of success… you know, I’m not usually an emotional guy. I come from a long line of Bricks, and we pride ourselves on being, well, Bricks. But gosh, if I’m not near tearing up at the beauty of the rainbow of reactions I see before me. I probably should’ve included a 🌈 as a reaction! 

Could it really be happening? That I launch a new product, and it’s not shut down within a day, sending me soaring right back to exile in Clawland where I land on my unmentionables with a loud THUMP?! Is this something I can really, truly be proud of?!??

Ladies and gentlecrabs, I don’t know what to say…

But I do know what to SELL! 

Get your Abstract Reacts MERCHANDISE right over here, at the Emporium! My loyal deputy Roberd has whipped up a batch of absolutely smashing posters based on the admittedly incomplete set of reactions that you’ve been delighting in all day. 

For a limited time only, you can react to stuff IN REAL LIFE! So what are you waiting for? There’s a new button to click and it says BUY NOW! 

Yours reactingly, 

Well, during my multiple enforced sabbaticals on Clawland, I actually got pretty good at Crab Sports! You know: Crab Tennis, Crab Chess, Crab Curling, that sort of thing. All the rules change every day depending on the weather—really keeps a man on his toes! I was ripped!