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@brianunderstands

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"Me not being there for them for who knows how long. It's just hard."
Iāve also gotten to cover ICE a lot lately. Itās generally pretty heartbreaking, but the cool thing is, you get fun emails from readers who send you racial slurs and tell you these people deserve it! Cool story, guys!
"He is obsessed with sharks. Terrified of sharks," porn star Stormy Daniels told InTouch Weekly about alleged lover President Trump. "He was like, 'I donate to all these charities and I would never donate to any charity that helps sharks. I hope all the sharks die.'" In light of this alpha male's newly revealed fear of alpha predators, here's a look at the most frightening fin-having fiends that will guarantee he doesn't go in the water.
Iām very lucky.
"I hate to tell you Puerto Rico, but you've thrown our budget a little out of whack. That's fine."
Wish I had more time to work on this since there were a gazillion other bullshit things that couldāve been added.
His name becoming more familiar nowadays thanks to how Elon Musk branded his electric car, Nikola Tesla is more than just the inspiration for a hyper-fast, crazy expensive vehicle. In his lifetime, the Croatian-born, New York City-based inventor would either invent or envision many machines we rely on today or still hope for in the not too distant future. On the 75th anniversary of his death, read up on some of his most amazing creations.
I just like Tesla and I got to write about him somehow.

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Their taste in attire isnāt winning the popular vote anytime soon.
We havenāt seen the Kush in a while, but I hope heās still out there somewhere, still blazinā.
"He observed a jar of Vaseline that was nearly empty and noted that the driver had Vaseline covering his hands, upper and lower body parts."
Easily one of the most insane things Iāve ever covered and I forced in a Michael Jackson reference.
He's become a true chief of gaffe.
Ta-Nehisi Coates wrote up an amazing tweetstorm that was way better than what I wrote here (that I didnāt end up seeing until after publishing), but Iām still proud I got to actually put this out.
Your thoughts and prayers still aren't good enough for them.
Thereās a video in here of Nelba Marquez-Greeneās daughter playing the piano that I remember just about every time thereās a school shooting now (which is every week, if not every day). These families shouldāve been allowed to just mourn and try to reassemble their lives, but instead they had to become activists because everything is broken and Congress utterly failed them.
One made "Hard to Kill" while the other made it easy to grill.
ABWASS: Always Be Writing About Steven Seagal (also, always use the photo of him either eating a carrot or holding cabbages -- always)

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They can't all be covfefe.
Very proud I work at a place that didnāt force me to half-ass this headline and say something like āmisledā instead of ālied.ā
In honor of Aaron Judge's postseason performance, here's a look back at some other judges both in name or job description who have righteously held court in their own fields.
Fuck yeah, Randy Jackson. Fuck yeah.
Even Willy Wonka would say oompa loompa doompety don't eat.
For whatever reason, Good Morning America talked about this article. One of the hosts mostly agreed with me. George Stephanopoulos was very unhappy.
Shoot first and hope no one will ask obvious questions later.
He "morning almost" did a good job.
This was just a lot of fun to write.

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"Everybody's got a plan until they get punched in the beak."
These two guys were immediately into the idea of doing this and I couldnāt be more thankful.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want dehydrated food with a 25-year shelf life.
Iāve gotten the chance to make fun of Jim Bakker a lot. #blessed