They call me bri tit.

“I use the drugs to forget you. But for some reason when I’m so high I can’t remember my name, but I can remember the first time I meet you. I get reminded of the butterflies I got when you pushed my hair behind my ear. I remember our first time together, and how gentle you were. But I also live through you leaving me again. How you said, “I can’t handle you anymore.” I was “just to much baggage.” You got clean before I did, you got your life together. I was just weighing you down. I guess I get it, no one wants to take care of someone who can overdose at any point. But I took care of you. And in return you introduced me to a world I never knew. You left me because the gift you gave me started coming before you. I don’t know why I could think getting high would make me forget you. Once my warmth feels my body, I can feel you with me again.”

“You are always doing things for other people. That’s why you drink. You drink because ultimately you don’t care what you do to your mind and your body. But honey, you need to start caring.”

“you’re choking me with the same hand that you’re caressing me with. your mouth says the most awful things to me yet still tastes sweet when you kiss me. you tell me you love me yet you act like you hate me. and still, i can’t leave you.”

no more apology texts. no more reckless highway speeding. no more scribbled poetry in the back of spanish class. there is nothing left to lose. there is nothing left for you. you haven’t seen me since i dyed my hair and it’s nice to have something you didn’t get to ruin. i’m dressing different too and lipsticking my way out of the girl you tore apart. i can finally breathe easy. i can finally be grateful that i never really meant it when i kissed you. look, it’s me without you. look, i’m doing just fine. look, goddamn it, i’m lighter than i’ve been in months. there are seven billion people on the planet. i don’t think you matter so much anymore.

You can hook up with all the girls you want, but don’t be upset when the party’s over, the drugs are gone, and no ones there.

“How did you lose her?” “There are some people that you can’t just like. You have to love them with everything that you have. And she deserved more than what I could give.”

They had both given up on love, until they met each other. He made her feel alive, and she healed him; and that was all they really needed.

Your lips intoxicated me in ways alcohol never could.

See, I’m always in the habit of thinking that no one truly likes me - there’s always one thing about me they’ll despise. It’s like this burning insecurity in the back of mind. But with you, you made me feel so special from that very first conversation. You didn’t judge me at all, we could talk on and on forever and amazingly, you wanted to hear every word that I had to offer. I forgot about those insecurities of mine; I felt as though you liked me as much as I liked you. And those times you’d laugh at something I said when I was so used to thinking I wasn’t funny to other people. I guess, that’s how I know you’re worth keeping around. People like you are hard to find - the kind you’d thank God for time and time again  Where not even these words can ever suffice to express my appreciation for you.

It’s crazy how someone can change so fast. Like him. He went from a loving husband to an agressive drunk monster in a blink of an eye. He hid in the shadows at day with a bottle of beer, and really came out at night. The neighbors complained about screams and scratching on the walls. It’s sad. Little did they know. I told myself it was temporary, he loved me, he made a vow. And maybe those claws were just a disguise because he was angry at the world. But why did he have to out it on me? And then, one day he died. Just like that. And I cried at his dead body, even though his fists wrecked mine. I was broken hearted, even though my heart had been empty for so long. I didn’t know why I was sad, he destroyed me, right? He didn’t deserve my tears, right? But then why did this hurt so much?  I speeched at his funeral, I talked about who he used to be. Who I hoped he would stay forever. He didn’t deserve it, but I never stopped loving him.

It’s okay to care about someone you used to love.