[ ____________ ]

“SHE WORE a sunflower dress and on the first day that you saw her, you fell in love. Over time, she fell in love with you too. She taught you what it was to live, with her wildness and her melodic laughter. And you taught her how to love. It wasn’t always easy. There were nights when she would wake up screaming and you would hold her close, and stroke her hair until she fell back asleep. There were mornings when she would be distant. A few times, you thought about leaving. Over Winter, when she cried almost every day and your presence hardly seemed to matter to her anymore. Over Easter, when you fought constantly. But there were periods of sunshine too. And it was during these times that you remembered the sunflower dress. “I loved that dress,” you told her, one July evening. “Really?” she laughed in that characteristic way of hers. “Yes.“ The next week, she wore it for the first time in a year, to meet your family. She looked so happy that you couldn’t help but laugh. You couldn’t help but love her. It is these moments that you think about now - now that she is gone. The sunflower dress and her melodic laughter. The way that you loved her. The sunflowers in your back garden sway in the breeze. You wonder whether she still wears them when she feels happy. You hope that she does.”

You don’t find your worth in someone. You find your worth within yourself and then find someone who’s worthy of you. Remember that.

I wanted to ask him: Did he think about me? Ever? Often? At all?  And if he did, what did he think about? Was it my laugh? Or how I fidgeted when I was nervous? Was it my voice? Or my mouth, or my favourite song? Did he think about the way that I argued? The way that I closed up? And how, after it all, I always opened myself to him again? Did he think about the ways that I annoyed him? Like when I was proud and stubborn and cold? Did he wish that I would be different? Or did he shake his head and let it rest?  I wanted to ask did he think about me? Because I thought about him. Frequently. Constantly. Because I thought about him more than he’d ever know.