A Lil Bit of Uhhhh...??

“The most disrespected person in America is a black woman… The most neglected person is a black woman…” 

Shasparay Lighteard - “Black Girl Magic”

Performing at the 2016 Women of the World Poetry Slam. Shasparay placed 5th overall in the tournament.

1. Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,”are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.

2. Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

3.  Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. 

If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.

4. Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. 

The words he or she wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

5. Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. 

Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. 

The next skill in the Distress Tolerance module I want to go over is called self soothe. Basically what it is is using your five senses to soothe yourself in times of distress.  Some people like to make what they call a self soothe box which is a box containing items they use that they find particularly helpful in this area.

The five senses:

Touch- Hug someone, wrap yourself in a warm blanket, throw some socks in the dryer and put them on, lay on a comfy bed or pillow, pet an animal, recieve a massage, wear your favorite comfortable clothes, have a bath or shower, etc.

Smell- Light candels/incense, smell a spice, bake/cook something that smells good, use perfume or room spray, etc

Taste- Bite into something sweet/bitter, drink hot chocolate or tea, eat your favorite comfort food, suck on a candy, etc

sound- listen to relaxing music, watch a funny movie/tv show, listen to asmr/relaxation sounds, talk to someone you love, etc

sight- look at pretty pictures, watch tv/movie, read, look at pets, redecorate your room, go to your favorite park and look at nature, go for a walk, etc.

How to Escape a Hair Grab or a Neck Grab ? Look at them, carefully.

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