life like weeds

I feel like maybe I need an anger management class. I have really developed a strong hatred for Cancer. When I think about it I get so enraged.  I hate seeing so many women around me pregnant (of course I am happy for them), not knowing if I will ever get to be. I hate seeing unfit mothers with children I may never get to have (see numerous reality shows).  I really hate that even several weeks later I am too tired to do even things I want to do (I do them anyway--but I really regret it, and don't enjoy them like I should.) I hate it that I get bill collectors calling at all hours (even DURING treatment! Sure I've several thousand bucks laying around, let me get that to you right away!) I hate that I wiped out all of my savings and am now back to living (barely) check-to-check. No hope of saving up for a car now. I'm tired of the hormones, I'm tired for getting angry at silly things and crying for no reason. I'm tired of feeling alone. Most of all I hate that even though I am not currently undergoing treatment, I cannot breathe the sigh of relief that I am cancer-free...because that diagnosis comes months later. It may seem like it is over, and everything is fine...but for me it is still very much an ongoing battle.

I am done with Radiation, but I have to wait 6 months before I am officially cancer-free.

I'm feeling super weak. Haven't gotten sick yet, thank god.

Guys I'm scared, I start radiation in the morning.