BRB Sleep

When asked where I would like to sit the girl behind the counter showed me the seating diagram. There were only two seats taken so I said to the girl “Does it matter?” Surely at this time of the day seating arrangements mean fuck all, but this girl looked at me really awkwardly. Bitch.

The police have located a suspect and my missing items. I'm told they will release his name. That's right, don't fuck with me.

About one in every 4 million lobsters is born with a rare genetic defect that turns it blue. One in every 30 million is yellow.

It appears my car was actually broken into according to the policeman. I'm not as stupid as I look, maybe.

There's a kitten outside our office. I gave him my Le Snak dip. Now we're best friends.

Why isn't everyone smart like China? You can only have one fucking kid. Climate change fucking solved.

In the midst of throwing an old lady out of her car, speeding through oncoming traffic, the words "Everybody dance, clap your hands, clap your hands." sang from the car radio. Yes, GTA has expanded my musical horizons.