@brazyspirit

       ( 💔 )     ⋅ ⋅ ⋅    "you know what?" cillian speaks against their collarbone, lips brushing against it before he's pulling back. sits back on their lap where he's straddling them in the hotel bed, lacking his usual lust for life demeanor as his jaw is tight. "i can't do this. not right now, not tonight." climbs off their lap and off the bed; grateful he hadn't completely stripped yet. knows he invited the other over, knows he was the one that pushed them against the bed and helped rid them of most of their clothes. but he's tired of the game, tired of being the only one initiating & showing any sort of intensity. "here, put them back on." words twang with his accent as their shirt & pants are tossed onto the bed.

jackson was taken aback by the other's sudden change in behaviour. he frowned as cillian pulled away and climbed off the bed, his shirt and pants being thrown carelessly in his direction. "hey, what's going on?" he asked as he tugged his pants on, standing up from the bed to pull them over his hips. he could feel the frustration radiating from the other's body. Despite every cell in his body telling him not to push it, jackson stepped toward the other and let his hand rest at the small of cillian's back as he spoke. "it's okay. you can talk to me, cilli. what is it?"

"I love you, TK. So much." he replied, voice a whisper as he looked into the other's eyes for a few moments, silence taking over while he allowed his hand to be taken. All of these little things, tiny moments taken for granted so often, now feeling like they were the very sustenance of his entire life after fearing he might lose them forever. With a soft sigh, Carlos moved so that he could rest his forehead against TK's, closing his eyes while appreciating the mere presence of the other. It truly was amazing how much Tyler's presence alone could do to help soothe him. "Thank you for not giving up."

one of tyler's hands moved to rest against carlos' chest, his fingers ghosting over the skin where he'd performed cpr on his fiancé just a few days prior. whenever he closed his eyes, all he could see was the other unconscious on the floor, drifting away as his heart stopped beneath his touch. knowing how close he came to losing the man he loved more than anything only solidified his desire to marry him sooner rather than later. "i know, babe," he reassured as carlos pressed their foreheads together, soaking up every second of affection he could from the other. he promised himself that he'd never take any of their time together for granted, after all, they'd both had their fair share of situations that could have ended much more sinisterly. tk cupped carlos' face, his thumbs caressing each of his cheeks as he tilted his head up, pressing a soft, sweet kiss to his lips. "i'll never, ever give up on you," he promised, nudging their noses together. "i know that no matter how mad we are at each other, we'll always come home. i knew something wasn't right when you didn't."

Taking in the setup, she found herself positively flumoxed, and she turned to face him, a full-fledged smile on her face, leaving her nose and eyes scrunched. "I love this." She bit back what she really wanted to say, and took the lead, tugging him behind her as she inspected his work. "No lie, this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me." Stopping them just beside the blanket, she was back on her tip toes, kissing him softly, slowly, before pulling back while keeping close, grinning up at him. "Thank you. You're unreal, I swear."

jamie grinned as she gave her approval, his teeth sinking into his lower lip as she examined the display he had made. between the pillows and blankets was two servings of the homemade pasta he'd brought up just before cora's arrival, along with some wine, and an array of chocolates, his cookies, and strawberries for dessert. he wanted to always be the reason she had the smile she was wearing in that moment, jamie making a silent vow to himself that he would always spoil her and show cora exactly how much he cared for her. "you think so? huh, I guess i can be a bit of a romantic when i try," he teased, though happily returned the kiss as she leaned up towards him. his hands found her waist, holding her close against his chest as they kissed. when cora pulled away, he returned the smile, chuckling softly as he shook his head. "right back atcha, sweetheart," he grinned, moving to sit down on the blanket, gently tugging her down with him. "it should still be hot. i ran it up here just before you came," he reassured, nodding his head towards the pasta as he reached for the bottle of wine, making a start on opening it. "i figured a relaxed night where we can enjoy each other's company, talk and make the most of the clear night would be pretty perfect for us."

"So after my dad finally bit the dust," It was spoken with a pure sense of relief, the kind she felt anytime she remembered that he was gone and couldn't come back. "Caleb figured out how to maintain custody of me, and he raised me. And I'm glad he did it, but sometimes I feel like my life amounts to making sure he's proud of me. Like I'm trying to pay him back for something I never asked for. And then I feel like a selfish monster and I want to vanish. And I guess really all of that counts as my secret, because I've never said it outloud to anyone before."

jamie felt cora tense up and turn slightly in his arms, a subtle movement that he probably wouldn't have noticed if he wasn't so infatuated with her. he nodded in confirmation, giving her a gentle squeeze to remind her that he was right here, no matter what cora decided to share. he listened intently, letting her unpack the trauma of her childhood in silence, soaking in every piece of information she was giving him. jamie loved hearing cora talk, no matter the subject, and learning things about her quickly became one of his favourite things to do. "i'm glad you at least had caleb," he spoke, voice soft as he glanced down at her. "i don't know the guy, but I bet he did it because you're his sister, and he loves you. i really doubt he's expecting accolades in return," he reassured, a playful smile tugging on his lips. "though, i'd say i'd be pretty damn proud of you. you can hold your own, you travel the world. you're incredible, cora. you deserve to give yourself more credit."

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"Listen to her," Eddie muttered, shifting his weight. "Get some food in you, and then we're out. May's got Chris covered for the night, so you're heading back to my house." And that was definitely an order, not a question.

buck knew that eddie was right. he’d been the support that he was denying himself for the others countless times, and had been in enough situations to know that the rest of the 118 loved him and just wanted him to be okay, as much as he wanted it. his grip on the fence finally loosened when his hands began to go numb, and the added pressure of eddie against his shoulder pulled him back down to earth. “i know, he’s a bright kid, and a really good one, too,” he agreed, smiling to himself as he watched the boy in question across the yard. “he comforted me when i told him about you getting shot that night. maybe i’m just using him as an excuse so i don’t have to confront the fact that i can’t allow myself to see myself as weak,” he admitted, letting out a quiet, almost amused breath.  buck jumped up straight as soon as the door next to them swung open, his head turning to land on athena as she stood in front of them. he felt like a child being caught doing something they weren’t supposed to by their mother, and his shoulders hunched over in defeat, knowing he was most likely going to be called out for a second time that afternoon.  “i know, athena. eddie’s already given me the speech; it’s okay,” he responded and leaned up from the railing. “i do believe i’m safe. it’s just… the silence. when it goes quiet, that’s when i’m not too sure what’s real and what’s not.” he watched bobby flipping burgers, noticing the smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes as they frequently darted over to them on the patio. he knew everyone was on guard, as though they were waiting for him to finally cave and fall apart, unable to fake it any more. he knew that it was putting more pressure on them in the long run, and eddie was right; if he didn’t let it out gradually, it would all come crumbling down sooner rather than later. “okay, fine,” buck agreed, finally letting the fake smile drop and be replaced with a genuine one, even if it was small. “i’ll eat. i’ll try." his eyes widened as eddie instructed that he’d be going home with him, a wave of relief flowing through him. the thought of being alone in his own apartment, with the cold, echoing silence he’d been stuck with for nights on end, was suffocating. at least eddie’s place had familiarity right now, but it didn’t stop him from panicking.  “i don’t want to keep you up,” he swallowed, eyes returning to his feet in defeat. “if i have another nightmare-“ he trailed off, shaking his head. “i’ll go get a plate, and then we’ll go, yeah?”

"Sorry... What was that?"

The whole ride home, TK kept his attention on the road, his fingers gripping the steering wheel in an attempt to hold himself together. Carlos had finally been clear to go home, and now that they were back in the safety of the loft, the silence was heavy between them, full of all the words they'd both been too scared to vocalise. He watched Carlos as he leaned against the counter, watching the way he was frozen in his place, eyes unfocused and brain distant. He knew the look all too well, being one he had worn himself many times – it was a look of distrust, being afraid to accept that the danger was over and he was finally safe again. "Hey," he spoke softly as he pushed himself off the counter and stepped towards the other. "You're not there anymore. You're here, with me," he reassured as Carlos turned around, his fingers reaching out to brush his thumb across the bruise covering his cheek. "I love you. I'm not letting go. Not tonight, not ever," TK continued, his free hand moving to run down Carlos' arm, intertwining their fingers together as an anchor for them both.

          "Me? Well you know I decided to give that whole Hollywood teen movie thing a go." She chuckled "Move out to the big city to chase my dream of becoming a world renowned artist." she hummed... and now she was a barista getting yelled at for putting three pumps of caramel in a Karen's coffee instead of four. "Still have my moments though." She chuckled gently "But for the most part I'd like to think I've simmered down a great deal."

seeing wren brought back the memories of his childhood. though most were not comforting, he recalled the way wren would patch him up after one of his antics resulted in him being battered and bruised, or how he would sit on her bed, gushing about the adrenaline rush he had felt that day. it was one of the few connections he didn't take for granted back then. "yeah? i always knew you'd put your flair for the dramatics into good use," he teased, quickly placing his coffee order when it was his turn, before turning back to wren. "you look great. simmering down looks good on you."

He finally turned his head, molten gaze searching Buck's face with a warm, melted intensity. "Is that what's going on? You're playing a part so Bobby and Hen don't have to deal with the guy who got snatched?" Eddie didn't soften the words. He knew Buck needed the truth, not a platitude. "Because you aren't a placeholder, Buck. Not for the 118, and definitely not for whatever son that woman thought she could replace. ...When was the last time you actually ate a real meal? Or slept through the whole night?" He didn't let Buck look away, his stare demanding an answer that wasn't part of the script. "I'm asking as your partner."

buck had always been the comedic relief in the group. he was the guy who winds up doing stupid, reckless things so the others don't have to, making light-hearted jokes at his own expense if it meant it would make them smile. eddie had been by his side through most of it, each near-death experience they shared bringing them closer to each other, and buck never wanted to take it for granted. he knew he could let his guard down around eddie, and the other wouldn't bat an eyelid at it. he'd be the supportive friend he'd always been, but buck couldn't risk it. he was afraid if he let himself collapse, he'd never come out on the other side again. buck raised the beer to his lips, taking a sip as he tried to focus on the cool glass of the bottle, the slight breeze running over him, the pressure of Eddie's arm pressed against his own, anything to stop his mind from wandering back to the cramped space that had traumatised him. risking a glance at eddie, he regretted it instantly. the harsh stare he was met with threatened to dismantle him completely, his grip tightening on the railing until his knuckles turned white. it seemed no matter how hard he tried, eddie could read through his facade as easily as reading a book, but he couldn't fall apart here. not now, not while everyone was enjoying themselves, and certainly not in front of christopher. "i don't need them to be worried about me," buck tried to explain, the words struggling to get out without wavering. "if i break, eddie, then everyone has to stop and fix me. i can't be the thing that needs fixing." he tore his eyes away, returning them to christopher and may, praying that the distraction would allow him to keep himself together at least until he made his way home. "i don't know," he admitted, letting out a huff of a laugh. "every time i close my eyes...," buck started, shaking his head to push the thoughts away. he could not break right now. "i need to be buck right now. the same old me, the one that can handle it. if i can't handle it, who even am i? i can't be that guy, eddie. i don't want them to see that. i can't have christopher see that," he explained, knowing that if anything, eddie would understand that. his eyes finally returned to his best friend's, the edges reddened from his exhaustion and fragile emotional state, tears threatening to spill if he spoke any more.

Kissing his cheek, Cora suddenly felt shy, and it showed in the way her cheeks went pink, her eyes dropping to the floor as she stepped back. “I hope what I’m wearing is okay? I didn’t…” Oh, God, she felt like a teenager again, nervous about her outfit, wanting a boy to like her. How humiliating. Still, she hoped that her embarrassment didn’t show as she finally caught his eyes again, toying with a stray curl. “I didn’t know exactly what the plan was, so I…” She laughed at herself then, shaking her head, admitting, “I guess I just wanna look pretty for ya, pretty boy.”

jamie was tying his shoes when he heard the knock on the door, jumping to his feet and making his way to the door, his smile widening to a grin as he took in her appearance. "it's perfect, cora. you're beautiful," he reassured, dipping his head to press a kiss to her lips before pulling away to admire her appearance properly. he couldn't believe how lucky he was that cora was finally in front of him, and dressing up for him. what did he ever do to deserve this? "well, you succeeded. you look stunning," he complimented, making sure he had everything before joining her outside of his apartment, locking the door and offering his hand out for her to take, intertwining their fingers as soon as he could. "it's not far, don't worry. i made a little something..." he grinned as he led cora to the roof terrace, giving a gentle squeeze to her hand on the way. "i wasn't sure what to do, but i wanted to make the most of you being here," he explained as he opened the door to the rooftop, holding it open for her with a bashful smile. jamie had never considered himself much of a romantic, but the soft lighting, cosy setup and dinner spread laid out across the blankets begged to differ. "i hope you like it."

Glancing down at their knees, she shrugged a shoulder, not sure how to answer. "I used to always think I'd just keep going forever." The idea of settling hadn't occured to her until recently. "So now I'm kind of at this crossroads of figuring out what my life looks like now. If I wanna stay put forever, or if I just want a little break."