Lying Cheater.

i miss you

you called me “bb” again haha

you said you were just nasanay haha but... a part of me wants to believe that that is still true haha 

so yeah im hopeful we can get this fixed again... im hopeful that we can let it stay fixed

the pain of not being able to talk to my best friend and see her face on video calls is... its painful...

the past days, i haven’t really been listening to music. however, today’s the one exception. have you ever given “never on the day you leave” by john mayer? it’s a lot relatable right now haha...

but the most relatable pieces of lyrics there are:

“Love grows in the time it's been Since you last heard her sing She'll cut her hair and move somewhere She don't owe you anything“

- you never really moved because of all this but you know haha you don’t owe me anything. i just finished my one of my reflections(i voice recorded it haha i hope thats okay.. i just think its much more genuine) today, and uh... yeah i tried putting myself in your shoes. no one will ever understand why you were mad at me... but i do. i’d be mad at me too... i owe you the world and my word. 

“She'll fight for you like hell Then force herself to like some other man “

- you’re one of a kind... you don’t have to blame yourself for not trusting me. you fought hard for that. you fought to trust me but i understand why you have trust issues with me... and especially that time when you chatted the class about that rumor you know who was spreading... i never told you but i really really want to thank you for defending me... and all those other times... thank you. i understand why you feel betrayed... at least i think i understand.. then there’s that 2nd line haha yeah the details are in the voice recording haha

“That you remember Christmas Eve And all the things you miss about her crazy family “ 

- i always loved going out with ur fam. i was shy at first (maybe still a little shy) but i liked being part of your family... broken family but it still felt like family to me... the background doesnt matter haha

there’s still so many things i wanna say but im pretty drained haha

there is one more song that i relate with (guess what? john mayer again ahhahaa):

still feel like your man

that’s pretty much understandable isnt it haha

everythings on hold... i havent watched superstore, doctor who, even the gc has been silent for the past few days, im still saving for a trip with you... i’ve been alone mostly for today and yesterday.. i still hope we can get back together haha dont think about it yet haha just wait till youre back yk? 

okay

im emotionally drained haha

thaaaaats it for now

i just want to see you 

im going to do something stupid something impulsive