Every day you are handed 24 golden hours.

I can barely open my eyes, but I do because of you

The take away from emotions unreplaceable

You are a shining goddess, something I treasure

The weather is the weather

So whether we could end up together is a mystery, perhaps history

But I cannot replace your face with another

You are a lover like I am a lover

Cover me in autumn leaves

We can kiss and forget the others

Shower this is a daydream kiss where we can be together

So I will close my eyes now

Wish for you and wish to do things I do not want to do with another

You are so beautiful, you are so kind

If you were mine I could treat you right but

Distance is also a day dream

No schemes, no lies, let it subside and

Maybe

Maybe one day I can kiss your face

Tell you it is okay, there are so many stars above

But only two of us here

There must be a reason in place or fate that caught this loss

A tremor that shook us

So maybe I am still dreaming

I promise I am believing in saving you from what you have seen that harms you

True and faithful, sky blue

I wish I knew better when we first met

A trickle into being a believer

Have you heard the sound?

Getting around

I try to lose the loss of you and let it go

But my heart pulls and renders me sideways

I try to delay the respective relay but I cannot deny the look in your eyes getting to me

There is something in my life telling me love is possible

Even though I am lost, intense, tough to deal with

I cannot sleep, I do not mind it anymore

There is so much in store and

You are so beautiful, let me take you

A place of divinity I cannot have without truth

Kiss me or kill me or let me go

I think you know, and I do truly know

But consent is a concept adored so

I am asking

Simply wanting answers

I need to nap now, afraid and excited

I may see you there, where it will not be clear

Waking up lonely again

If this heart keeps breaking

I will not stop drinking and I will not stop shaking

Wherever I should be, I want to be

I thought the chapel of belief was a sanctuary

Who knows anything nowadays?

I keep asking and get no answers

So finding my path, punches are fast and

I love you, even if you do not answer

The burn, the sting of almost everything

I want to stop caring but I need to keep caring

But life sucks and fucks up and I have nothing

Everything has been dropped down deep

My first therapy appointment they could not even keep

I have waited for months to help myself

And when I finally could not, they all let me down

So I try not to change into the old me

Punching things because it feels good punching

Maybe that is healthy too

I have had enough of myself, and enough of you

Sanctify sleep and give me reprieve

I have already given up almost everything

Kiss me like in a dream, where love feels real

Because in this life, nobody understands or loves me

So I drink, I kill my self

And asking for help is not any sort of help

Fuck me dry like a rapist

Because that is how it feels, totally helpless

And then I feel bad for even saying this

There is nothing to help and the defense is less than the offense

I do not want to exist in this world anymore

Curling like a catacomb we cannot walk through

I will not crawl any longer so

It is death or the hospital

Crying all day or punching walls

Can you see how I need?

I desire for less and less is not there so

Take me away, please god, take my away

I woke up so positive today and

The days are the same

If nothing ever changes, what is the point

If fortune favors assholes, how do I retort

Goodbye, good riddance and see you never

No more pleasure, if no one can help then whatever

I will nap and dream of all that I want and can never get

I will keep the secrets I have kept, you will never know the answer

The greatest hope, holding hands

Kissing foreheads, bodies so nimble

A family feeling that humbles

Forever I want to stay together

Taking care, beautiful rhythm

These moments are the best I have felt

A realm we rely on, a hill to die on

Keep this picture, a frame in the mind

We will be safe, this is a gorgeous life

I will take care to love you the right way

Always replaying the feeling of our feet

A yearning for peace

A shutter, a stutter when opening

Give grace and a place to be real

If it was for naught, it would not be

What is and what is not get caught in between each other

Standing up can make us feel heavy, think of one another

The stale air is stirred by motions of fists flying

Hard to deny we all want to fight

Maybe that is nature rising

Fly like a glorious bird, we all have wings

We can decide where to be if we choose

No loss in letting loose

Shuttle away in the shuffle, find peace

Peace is the only thing that fixes everything

Chasing sanity through clarity

Face value scolding the way we are used and left unrewarded

So really, whatever, why bother, who cares

Then I realize I do so I start to stare and

Think of all I have done and what I have seen

How it all feels, what life means to me

They probably call that growing up, or not being enough

Tough luck or a small fortune

I have touched the chest filled with gold, grew bold in endeavor

Choked and cried thinking about forever

If there was a place to be, I would rinse and repeat

Until the seat on the throne of certainly was clean

The ocean of sanity is easy to get lost in

We can swim, live with it

Today I tell myself I will not lose to trouble

I am not a body double

So the tides will roll, there will always be holes to fall in

We were born to fill them

Then we can have a foundation worthy of building

If you do not want to be in my house, you can get to leaving

No more chasing, no more guidance, no more questions

No more racing, no more shyness, no more lessons

I promise here and now to show the world that rest is for the wicked

So I am awake and strumming, singing, resisting

The pull of perception is not so perfect in its meaning

Shower in belief, no secrets kept, nothing to lose

Burn the ocean to steam, no regrets, a right to choose

We were given so much power, we scour for answers

The pursuit of knowledge, the livelihood of dancers

Believe, belong to yourself

No one else holds the key and if you give it to them the treasure means nothing

Today I will shake, but study the difference between

Who I once was and who I am becoming

Love like a feather, slowly falling

Kiss like a sip of strongly knowing

Place the doubt inside the box I was living

Giving up, but only in the sense of cleaning

Coming to your senses, cleansing

I should sleep but I am up thinking about you

A door instead of a window

It stretches so far, how can I think that

You can be mine, I can be yours

It is not conventional, but it is able

How did we not know before

That the window was a door and

If I knew better I would not have this before

I should not been saying these things but I refuse to close the door anymore

You are a flavor I want to taste

I feel weird for feeling this way

No bait, no wait, just love

No gloves to to touch with

Feel it all

Good morning sunrise, take it easy

So far away, like it is tomorrow

Let it out before sleep

You will probably never know what I keep inside

I will not hide or lie and I am a little shy

I hope you know you are beautiful like a sunrise

That these eyes are so tired but these hands still write

Like tomorrow is all, maybe it could be

So I will sleep, and dream of you

At least hoping to

Love is a lost letter in the mail that I would personally deliver

Hope is a hole and a hike

If I could kiss you tonight

Make you feel safe in my arms

Free from harm

You have been through a lot

Deserving better

No more hurt

You are so far away and I have missed you

So I hope you see and understand my thoughts

I hope these feelings are not caught in the thread of disbelief

I would never leave you if you would never leave me

Kiss me soft and know, this life is hard but just come home to me

I wish I saw you when we closer

It was happenstance

We wander, probably our whole lives

They have homes

Outside in the cold is shallow and wrong

Take this guilt, sorrow, and strife

Take it and make it right

Fight, we have fists

With broken wrists, this is life

Do not give up on the reasoning

The seasoning of a past life does not taste good

A new mix, a shopping list

It is not worth it anymore

So bland food is better than none

Second to number one

He has never been me

These daydreams become reality where sleep is just not sleep

We figure ways to deny our pain but crying it out is a gain

What will be will be, and what may just may

Eyes sore, head hurting

There is no shortcut to stop suffering

I will always remember these days with hope in my heart

What may just may, relay and relapse and become

My heart will win, it has always won

So many pieces floating in the wind

Like catching leaves as a kid

So catch those leaves Brandon, do your best

We will pick up the pieces of this mess

Shallow is not a depth preferred

My word is my bond and you have my word

Torn is okay because we can still read the page

It is late, and it is locked in

There is no sin, no loss

The cost of living is the only cost

Tomorrow we will walk forward

Deliver what we need, see what we see

Whatever comes will come, whatever may be may be

Repeat until it is clear, lessons pristine

I will not endeavor for forever, but endeavors can destroy

I am a man, not a little boy

There are now instruments, not toys

This is reality, even without appeal it is real

The change is within us, so with ourselves with must deal

I feel the rain and I love the rain and I kind of hope it never stops

Clouds are not cuffs in a prison cell

My love burns like hell but

It was your birthday, you kissed me on your porch

I came in time to sing to you, I hate singing happy birthday

My dick fell out, my pants were so loose

Girls wanted me but I only wanted you

You were running carts and crashing them with the children

So full of life and love, so caring

And I kept having to chase you

You kept disappearing

Like you were running from the dream

We met back on the basketball courts

I missed every shot I took, so close

There were so many men, they wanted you

One came to my face and said you were my girlfriend and he was going to fuck you

And I stepped to him and told him to back off, not to talk about you that way

Then said never mind, because you are not mine

Although I wish you were, but I will still stand up for you regardless

I felt your body when we kissed

It was so real, I can still smell you on me now

I do not even know your birthday

Dreams have always been a burden and a blessing

Like a test for me but if you were there, I know you mean something

This morning I told myself to let all my stress go, all attachment go

To leave life and love alone until I could figure out an answer

Yet I could not get past my thoughts of you

So now I am stuck with all this love in my throat, my heart on my sleeve

I do not think I can leave this behind

Konstantine turned on after you blew out your candles

That song has never made sense to me until I met you

I have been listening to it since I was a child

Because with what we do, it holds so much truth

I am going to get better and weather these thoughts

I will stop drinking all this whiskey, so I can have a shot, ironically

You are literally my dream and I have never felt this way

I will love you with everything I have, I hope you can realize that

Just because there is not much room to live

Does not mean we cannot put something together

When we both need better, and we belong

I have never felt so safe and loved as I do in your arms

So I think I about you often when we are apart, which is most of the time

I say it here because I cannot out loud

I wish I could tell you so much

You are the catalyst that stops my thoughts from spiraling

A reason to want better and may sound silly

But it has been needed

And I do not want you for a need

I do not want anything from you but love and your company

I do not care about sex or anything like that

I do not retract anything I have said, I will not put on a mask

Do not take me back to those days where now I can still move forward

The golden goose is on the loose and I will follow

Under the stars I see those ocean blue eyes

I used to look to the sky, now I want to dive deep

It is difficult but I am happy to feel this way

Because I feel something for the first time in so long

No fraud, no lies, none of the above

I can take you to a place you have never been

Pure bliss, heaven, I promise

We both know what it is like to be alone

Wishing goodbye

Goodnight, good riddance

Life is a life sentence

Kiss me to the moon

This regard is in shards

Always guarding, but never guarded

It is so simple

But they complicate like we are animals

I suppose we are all animals

Refract the light, kiss me goodnight

It is terrible how quick we turn

Like a carousel ride

Tides come and go but

You are not the tides

No more doors, only windows

To see them subside into a their own

I would do anything for you

Can you not see that I am a sea, love that is true

I could be so good to you if you would let me

But I belong to the sea, drowning constantly

Always wondering and hoping

Tired of talking and trying and choking

I would not want to see me either like this

But it is a prospect I have to face head on

All I want is love

Please, do not leave me without peace

Fuck me and fuck you and

My emotions are out of control so

Leave me alone

Just let me go

There has been so much loss I cannot control it anymore

I am sad and lost and alone and an empty store

You cannot find anything here

Take me away

Please, silence the thoughts

I cannot take another day of this

It is like a bomb went off and blew me down

The ground is more comforting than standing around

And sometimes I do not even know why I write

No one is listening

How can you be when it all turns around and there is nobody

Love me like I have loved my entire life

Tell me it will be alright, I am begging on my knees

Please, please, please

Take this pain from me, release

These burdens are too much to bear

I cannot compare to the world around

I shout and shout

Fuck me and fuck you and

My wounds will not heal

I am leaving now for something better

Shelter and life and love, I will go and get her

Goodbye, maybe see you later

Not coming with me on this journey

I do not need them, I have enough

The weight on my shoulders lifting off

I say goodbye, I wish them well

Ridding myself of this personal hell

You were a song I used to sing

Now I sing this song I call becoming

I pack my bags, send them out to sea

Finding harmony

You were a song I used to sing

Now I simply speak of prospering

Today is the day we truly try

I wrote a song called goodbye

So I pack my bags, my headache gone

You were a loss that I was not sure of

So wish me well

I can walk through hell

They will never stifle me again

There is so much more, there is places kept

My heart is an ocean, and I leapt

Into a fog, without a ship

Learning how to swim

So I packed my bags, on the shore they were left

It is enough for me to keep myself intact

Burdens be, but life is love

The essence of truth was written in the stars

So I will make my way

And take away all the unbecomings

Making way for a better day

Still in the running

Touch me soft, I am a little fragile

Like a kitten sitting on a windowsill

There are no more bags to pack

They are gone, it is done

I will be fine, I am opening up

Possibility is a home I see

I think maybe now I can get some sleep

I think maybe now they see

More than a broken man

A carefully constructed plan

I will find a place, I will be the man I know I am

So fuck my bags, fuck all my things

I am glad it all got lost at sea

Whatever happens, it simply happens

No stress, no worries

Feet that pass and images blurry

I am giving it up today

All the problems that I have made

Let sleeping dogs lie

There is no longer anything in the past for me

Today, today is what matters

We cannot build on what was before

It is a reference that hurts, let it be

Let it all wash down the creek

I have never been up early like this, a blessing

My body is correcting what I could not schedule

Make me well, I say that to myself

I will let it all go

If it does not work, it just does not

I will be here as long as I am meant to

I was given two legs and a big brain

I will use them both

It is not bad, it is different

Faith is a full bowl I want to drink from, and share with you

Just because there were mistakes before does not make my soul any less true

I will speak my truth, I will find my way, I will not give up

There is no bluff, no hidden meaning

If I throw up, I throw up

If I stumble, I do not mind falling down any longer

They say everything happens for a reason

I am trying to believe in that

So if what I want does not work, I will figure it out

If there is a place for me, I will find it

I was given two arms, I will craft it

There is no more alarms, just rough drafts

This story will be told, I will write it down

So nobody will ever question how I felt

And I will talk out loud, rub it around

Food tastes better with seasoning

The reasoning behind a life denied means nothing

It is what we do today

I will kiss today like a lost lover

Thank you for coming

Warm and welcoming

I can understand if you do not want me

Please say it out loud instead of leaving me questioning

It leaves me up at night, the pondering

The only time I can focus my eyes is thinking of us becoming

I do not know how you feel sincerely so I keep teetering

There is a purpose in place and it is summoning

Keep me like a warm rain, soaking

I cannot keep denying how I feel inside

You are a steady tide washing over me

The most beautiful thing I have ever seen

Come to me, I keep beckoning

I want to kiss you eternally

Simple words have no meaning

Trying to sleep but I cannot stop thinking about you

There must be something

Between the difference in lives, something is calling

I have not fallen for anybody like this since a teen

I cannot sleep, it is not your fault but you are something amazing

My head and my heart know better

We can get through this weather together

You walk in the grass with bare feet

Like an angel who graces the earth

Giving birth to life, I would kiss the flowers you bring

If there is anything here, be clear

My heart yearns for you, and my emotions churn

You were meant to be mine, I am so sure

After all these years, after all of the struggle

You were meant to be my wife, I your husband

I would take you every single night, anywhere you wanted

A magic carpet ride where we feel undaunted

A beautiful soul, I have not found many of those

Prose in a world where they ask for more detail

Debating sending this to you, so you know how I feel

It is really real, we cannot disregard

Hope in a future without flaw

You are my cause

I do not shake when I think of you

The life we could build and prove

I gave up on love until I met you

You feel warm when I am cold

We are both so alone, and it does not have to be difficult

If I saw you once a month it would mean enough

There is no bluff, there is nothing beyond love

So please, take me as I am

There is no sham, you are so goddamn beautiful

I see hope in your eyes, I see more than I have ever seen in another person

Afraid if I pursue I will scare you, even though you say you like me too

Maybe you are afraid too, I do not know

It is like a show, give me a movie

I will not stop unless you tell me because this is a dream I have had for so long

I was almost married once and it was fraud

I know better and I hope you know I know better

Because the weather feels nice anytime I am around you

The storms subside and my eyes grow clear

Do you know that? Do you know how real it is?

I will wait, and I will wait, and I will wait

As long as it takes, as long as it takes, as long as it takes

We are not meant to be alone, we have a home together

No matter how cold I will keep you warm

I promise myself to you

I will not let you down

Any frown into a smile, I will pick you up when you are down

This is not a once off, there is no cost, there is nothing I ask

Just love me back

Why is my brain not working

Wet grass on bare feet

Too many thoughts to keep

I could love for you a whole lifetime

Or whatever is left of mine

Shallow waters and secrets kept

I never know what to expect from anybody anymore

I do not trust a soul besides my own

And that one is a warm light going out

My father used to wiggle his legs like me

But he could do anything, he was a strong man

I am no longer placed with faith in strength

Take me to the rainy fields

Bask me in the forgotten lands

We cannot control time, or much of anything I guess

The lack of is truly unbecoming of circumstance

So let us just dance

If only once, just once

It would feel better than never

Guide these gifts into a world where they matter

These hands want to make something that will not shatter

They just break, and break, and feel untethered

I know I can get better

But risk without rewards feels helter skelter

I was told less than better

How do you make it something that matters?

The shakes are fighting me and winning the battle

I want to give up that fight

Make me feel right in my endeavors

Shake me from the shakes and help it feel better

It gets hard to type, or to shower

And the more I question what is wrong

The more it feels like a sad song I am tired of singing

Is this just growing up, or questioning everything?

Take me away, black bird, take me to a place where

Simple things are just simple

Like eating and sleeping

Where it makes sense and I can stop this thinking

They say the hardest challenges are given to those who can take it

I am not worthy, take it away, I deserve to be better

The weather keeps changing, they dangle it on a string

I have been running my whole life but cannot change a thing

And I have always been against that

Tomorrow was taken from me because of yesterday

These thoughts replay and it hurts constantly

My heart is so full of love and

I was doing so well when it all went to hell

Because of my own shortcomings

Do not be like me

Unable to eat

I drank myself stupid over the years

Now I have to fix myself and I do not know how

The hairs I have are turning white

At 33, I am not sure that is quite right

My kids need me, my mother needs me

I need myself to be better and I truly know that

But how do you repair this circumstance

Where anxiety and depression take everything

When you want to do and cannot do

All I can do is sit here and write

Sing sad songs and cry

Believe in me

Like a lost in motion daydream

I do not want to keep repeating

Swearing on broken bridges, ready to jump

I have always cared more than anyone I know

I have always put others before myself, no more

It does not feel good either way

Natural medicine is missing the beat

Take me to god, so I can stop whispering into the sky

I need confirmation

With this many issues there must be a reason

It is a season for change

I want to switch lanes

Love me like a baby, just for now

Cradle me, cuddle me, love me