Brandee

Am I back online? Will you find another time? That lies between Then and now? You’re going to let me simmer in silence  While time lets it all die? You know I’m better than bad, right? I use my good girl persona, To right the wrong, I can only recalibrate for so long.  You know I care about the bigger picture more than I do myself. This isn’t news to many. You’ve known it all…

I walk as long as I can walk, Then there is nowhere else to go… I push it down, the pain that surrounds me and suffocates me like the soot Beneath our feet, as we burn down all the unsaid things…. Nightmares burn through this mind,  I wake and wonder what is real.  I grasp to life, for one last feel… It fades, the facade crumbles away. The fire of pain burns another day. December 21,…

Overly emotional? Highly logical, the two exist in this persistent dance. Battling for space inside. I try so hard to hide the flaws from judging eyes. My cover has worn thin as the breakdown begins.… The sentimentality is way too strong. You pull the dirty truth from beneath the clean, the part everyone prefers to see. The dirt under the nails as I dig myself from the grave, It’s dark…

Are you just curious? Are you allowed to care? Can but can’t say… Words that existed, that continue to fade… Am I just a part of this machine that keeps you here? Dismantle from the inside out, and you’ll see what it’s all about. Caught in crossfire, I don’t know where to go. Neither direction is safe. Duck and cover, it won’t matter… I’m trapped in between, where only you can see. They…

Time is dragging, Yet standing so still. My questions aren’t rhetorical, The more you ignore, the harder I’ll go…. Don’t dismiss, you’ll miss all the meat in the sandwich…. There are things I pass your way. Soft pause, Hard stop? They all look the other way. Words are important. Look deeper than the beat, Read between the candy-coated lines that I leave at your feet. Meet me…

I don’t want to be loud, I’ve been quiet for so long. But can I scream into your skin? Can’t get my bearings To right the wrong…. Could you help me? Navigate, this place we have never been? Compass in hand…. Where do we stand? From where do we start this? And where do we land? The noise between us is so loud. Interference, all around! Can I bite into your mind? What terrible things will…

A penny for your thoughts… I mourn for a time never known. Words not sewn. Tell me to stand down? And I’ll stand up, I question every order, request, and demand. Don’t test me, I’m on the right side of history…. FAFO Your lack of comfort is killing me. Stand here, or stand back, while I get shit done. Don’t enable and live within this fable, or delusional fairy tale. I think you’ll be…

I wish I could burn every word Make it go unheard,  Erase, rewind, Turn back the hands of time…. Had never seen your face Never know your name. I would never know now, What I didn’t know then. Absence of suffering, A cloud in my mind, Hiding the memories Mind sent into overdrive I should have just let it die, Shut down all that remains inside. There’s a place that exists…

When I see a stop sign, I want to proceed, I want to Thelma and Louise it…. I see keep out,  I want to go in I see a danger sign and I want to explore, But I try to ignore my compulsions and remain stationary…. Stop myself from saying and doing,  Affecting…. I want to see what there is after the black,  The credits roll, I feel some weird peace and in unpleasantries….  Rain clouds…

As the sun breaks through the Taufer trees, For a few brief moments, I find my peace. Beams of light fill the frame,  I feel no suffering,  I feel no pain. These moments pass, The darkness comes, This too shall pass? I long to hit pause,  Freeze the frame, Not to change, The moments are gone. The darkness is not far, It fills my mind, I look for answers,  I give all the time, I…

I’m in a hell of your making, Stand with me, Come burn, feel the suffering. You brought me here, A place between peace and fear… Own your role, That need for control…. I thought you had something to say, You rode on by and looked the other way. Church steps you sat, gone when I came back. We should know this game well, We’ve played it before. No one is a winner, But you insist on…

I fell in love with the differences between us, I got swept up and was in too much of a rush. The truth is the truth, I lost sight of myself in pursuit of you… I felt myself drown, Now you are nowhere to be found…. Truth and lies have always been clearly defined. I denied red flags, putting myself on the back burner. I kept you warm, in hopes you would learn to love and all this would…

Just when I think I’m over it, I’m under it, Try to go through it, Pursue it…. Then I blew it. Who would have known it? Sabotaged before it was, Red flags are rushing us, Listening to our mistrust within. Giving each other our ugliest. No filters, so fast Trying to run from our pasts… Impatient healing, Trying to numb our feelings. Brief moments, guards down, And there is that…

I searched for a poem to pass on to you, But all the words seemed cliché and used. I know not how to describe, Or explain in a word or two. So our poem begins, Likely misunderstood by most, We need not explain, It lives another day. The fear falls away…. I close my eyes, I feel my way to you, So very far away. Your large frame, Drapes me, The memory of your touch Never escapes…

As the sun breaks through the Taufer trees, For a few brief moments, I find my peace. Beams of light fill the frame,  I feel no suffering,  I feel no pain. These moments pass, The darkness comes, This too shall pass? I long to hit pause,  Freeze the frame, Not to change, The moments are gone. The darkness is not far, It fills my mind, I look for answers,  I give all the time, I…