Into The Portal

Things will always unravel itself sooner or later.

You’re a dangerous being. You set things on fire with your words.

I fear of being too much. I said to you I come with a lot of baggage in the beginning. You said it’s ok. Now, you tell that I am. You proved my fear to be true. You validated it. You love me less because of it. This is why I don’t want to put my walls down ever again.

I wonder what else I can self sabotage..

Your contradictions pushes me away.

Run for your life. The most you can rely on is yourself.

I hate crying. It’s mentally exhausting and draining. I just want all of this sadness to stop.

A piece of me dies every day. They say everything will be okay but things are the same. I think I’m not meant to be on the better side of things. I’ll have to accept my fate.

Fuck my vulnerabilities. Fuck you for using it against me. Man, I don’t trust easily and you go do that shit. One day someone will betray you. Just you watch.

I hate showing my vulnerabilities because I’m afraid it’ll be used against me as a weapon.

I’d like to try a new place. Somewhere quiet. There’s no agony. I don’t need to endure living in a pain body. It’s just peaceful and still. A world where my soul can feel soft.

You make me want to rip my eyes out.

I want to feel like I belong in this world but at the same time why should it matter if I do or not? There are other things to worry about.

I hate it when I cry. It makes me feel defeated, exhausted, overwhelmed, and I don’t feel like continuing on. I’m so tired.

Today is my friend Jaclyn’s birthday. She passed away back in 2011. We would’ve done something adventurous. I miss her every single day. I still listen to our song and cry to it. Oddly, this year I haven’t cried. Maybe later tonight. Maybe not but I know it’ll catch up to me like it always does. Grief doesn’t ever go away. It stays with you and haunts you till the very end.

Small talks are either for awkward people or nosy people.