SUGAR , DANGER .

HE'S CHANGED SO MUCH IN THE TIME THEY'VE BEEN APART. but he's thought about her every single day. 'you're obsessed,' left dimitri's mouth more times than alexei could count. especially while he was still in russia. but that obsession had been taken advantage of. they were russia's darlings, the country loved seeing them together. even if dimitri tried so hard to pull them apart, even refusing to let alexei bring mila with him to america. that had caused the heartbreak. on both sides.

IT'S A TINY NOD, one of confirmation. wherever she wants, he doesn't care. as long as he gets to be with her. despite his reputation preceeding him ( 'all he cares about is himself,' 'everyone else is beneath him,' ), it's only ever been about her the second they're together. ❝ if that is where you want to go... i love listening to people argue. even when it is not my business. ❞

IT'S THEN THAT ALEXEI STOPS CHEWING ON HIS NAILS. when he notices her staring at his hands. his arm flops down to his side, fingers still messing with each other as he fidgets. things haven't been this awkward for the two of them since the start. even as he follows mila to her car, he messes with his hands, his eyes focused entirely on the ground, on his own ridiculously expensive shoes. her car is a mess, but alexei has no room to talk. his room at home is a disaster. clothing all over the floor, random wrappers from candy dropped wherever they happen to land, at least four glasses that have dried blood in them...

❝ is okay... i have a spoilt pet, too. her name is sasha. i named her that so people would stop calling me it. she is such a brat, i am convinced she stole her personality from me. you would like her, she is like me. she does not like anyone. she looks like a siamese but she is part russian blue and has these spots on her. ❞ ALL SAID AS HE BUCKLES HIS SEATBELT. he'll do his best not to backseat drive, something he's always doing, no matter who drives him. he likes being in charge, telling people what to do. but it's different this time.

i  love  listening  to  people  argue  .     mila  can't  help  the  smile  that  creeps  across  her  lips  ,   and  her  tongue  briefly  slides  over  her  bottom  lip  ,   chapped  skin  and  all  .     that  was  something  they  had  always  had  in  common  ,   just  one  of  the  many  tiny  ,   little  things  that  connected  them  .    they  were  always  in  sync  back  then  ,   eyes  meeting  with  delicious  scandal  ,   gossiping  back  and  forth  .     in  russia  ,   there  had  been  no  one  else  they  could  trust  but  each  other  ,   not  even  their  coaches  .

mila  wishes  she  had  learned  the  latter  part  earlier  .

the  part  of  her  driving  is  on  autopilot  ;   though  her  hands  move  and  she  puts  a  hand  on  alexei's  headrest  to  turn  and  reverse  ,   her  mind  is  far  from  driving  .     what  did  she  want  from  this  ?     would  they  get  back  together  ?   or  was  thinking  about  that  jumping  too  far  ahead  ?     she  would  be  lying  if  she  says  that  her  heart  has  calmed  ,   but  it  still  drums  hard  against  her  chest  .    even  being  this  close  to  him  ,   the  scent  of  his  cologne  ,   is  intoxicating  .     more  than  any  vodka  she's  had  .

❛     cute  .  .  .     she  sounds  just  like  you  .     ❜        though  her  thoughts  were  always  in  russian  ,   it  was  different  to  speak  it  aloud  to  someone  other  than  her  dog  .     the  words  in  alexei's  voice  are  comforting  ,   like  a  childhood  lullaby  .     and  she  had  always  enjoyed  listening  to  him  talk  ,   filling  silence  when  she  struggled  to  find  words  .

it's  as  if  they're  already  slotting  back  into  their  old  roles  .

but  everything  is  different  ,   too  .

her  cheeks  still  flush  from  the  embarrassment  of  his  clearly  fancy  shoes  in  her  shitty  car  .     the  best  restaurant  around  that's  open  this  early  is  just  some  chain  .   he  already  said  he  wasn't  there  to  make  fun  of  her  ,   and  she  knew  he  wouldn't  .  .  .    but  something  gnawed  in  her  mind  .    what  was  he  even  doing  in  a  place  like  this  ?

❛     emm  ,     it  is  not  much  .  .  .     ❜        mila  says  quietly  ,   her  smile  fading  into  something  sheepish  .        ❛     i  .  .  .     i  always  sent  my  prize  money  to  my  family  .     ❜        so  when  she  was  cast  out  into  the  snow  and  ice  ,   there  was  nothing  left  for  her  .

            𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐄𝐈'𝐒  𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑  𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐒  𝐇𝐄𝐑  𝐁𝐘  𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐄  .    there  had  never  been  a  day  in  mila's  life  she  hadn't  worked  .     from  the  ice  rink  to  behind  a  desk  ,   she  had  always  held  down  some  type  of  job  .    she  had  always  been  the  breadwinner  .    the  one  everyone  relies  on  .     letting  alexei  provide  for  her  ,   when  even  her  father  had  stopped  providing  when  started  winning  competitions  .  .  .     it  scares  her  .     her  first  reaction  is  a  little  exhale  ,   surprise  .       ❛     would  you  really  be  okay  with  that  ?     ❜        she  asks  ,   smiling  despite  herself  .     it's  a  relief  in  it's  own  way  .     to  rest  ,   to  just  be  with  him  .

       MICHIGAN  WAS  NEVER  HER  HOME  .    it  had  been  an  escape  ,   but  not  somewhere  she  belonged  .    here  ,   with  alexei  ,   she  felt  more  at  home  than  she  had  ever  felt  .     slowly  ,   his  house  had  begun  to  resemble  that  a  second  person  lived  there  ;   rumpled  sheets  on  both  sides  ,   dishes  in  the  dish  washer  ,   and  little  knick  knacks  that  alexei  picks  up  for  her  .        ❛     i  would  really  like  that  as  well  .  .  .     i  do  not  see  the  point  in  being  there  any  longer  .     it  even  depresses  ryzhik  when  we  travel  .     i  could  do  something  online  .    then  i  could  travel  with  you  anywhere  .     ❜

THIS IS THE MOST AWKWARD HE'S EVER FELT IN HIS LIFE. never before has he ever had any trouble around other people, but it's so much different this time. he's nervous, fiddling with his hands under the table. he doesn't even care about the glare dimitri's giving him, like this whole date is a colossal waste of time, like this is just a frivolous distraction. she leans in closer, his heart skips a beat. it's been so long since he could even feel his own heartbeat, but he's felt it more tonight than he has in the last several decades. the other girls ?? they're nothing. they don't matter. the boys all talk about which ones they'd take on a date, which ones they'd make out with. they're loud, obnoxious, blunt about it. but alexei's always been quiet on the matter. he wants to hold mila's hand, show her everything in saint petersburg, bring her home to meet his staff. she's all he tells them about in the hour he has at home. 'how was practise ??' milena looked at me. 'did you land that jump you've been working on ??' she saw me land it.

❝ is not that the boys complain, is that all they want to talk about is what the girls look like. as if that is the most important thing on the planet. we are there to skate, to try and make it to the olympics. i always tell them that you can at least act like you care about your sport, god... ❞

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY THEY CALL ALEXEI THE RUSSIAN SPITFIRE. he has a sassy mouth on him. when she mentions the train ride, he nods. ❝ four hours, ❞ said as if it's nothing, as if it's just a twenty minute ride. ❝ but it is worth it. i did not get my parents' signatures to stay in the dorms before they left on a trip. they have been gone for a few months now... is always some important thing they need to do, but i do not mind. i like being alone. ❞

THEY WERE NEVER INVOLVED WITH HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE. always thought he ruined their lives, their happy little eternal existence. that's why he doesn't care that they're gone now. he's free, his house is no longer a cage, he can leave.

       MILA  IS  ALL  SPINDLY  KNEES  ,   legs  as  thin  as  fairy's  .     they  knock  together  under  the  table  ,   beneath  her  skirt  where  her  hands  keep  pulling  on  the  hem  .     her  heart  beats  hard  under  her  chest  ,   faster  than  hummingbird  wings  .     she  was  ever  the  figure  skater  of  every  little  girl's  dreams  .     and  just  the  sight  of  alexei  was  enough  to  make  her  blush  ,   the  way  his  sleeves  were  rolled  to  his  wrists  ,   the  way  his  red  hair  was  still  messy  from  practice  .  .  .     she  felt  like  all  her  blood  had  rushed  to  her  head  all  at  once  .

       alexei  knew  how  to  set  himself  apart  ,   and  even  now  ,   he  is  .     his  passion  for  skating  was  what  made  him  different  from  the  other  boys  .    he  was  only  complaining  ,   something  mila  would  hardly  tolerate  from  another  ,   but  for  once  ,   she  agreed  with  someone   ━━   with  him  .    it  was  different  when  she  agreed  ,   and  when  she  liked  what  they  had  to  say  .

       and  jeez  ,   four  hours  on  the  train  .    mila  took  another  sip  of  her  ice  water  .     the  restaurant  felt  hot  ,   but  maybe  that  was  just  alexei  melting  the  ice  everyone  accused  her  of  being  .

        ❛     sucks  ,     ❜       mila  said  ,   holding  her  chin  in  her  palms  .        ❛     it  would  have  been  really  fun  to  be  in  the  dorms  with  you  .     ❜        she  thought  about  him  ,   alone  in  some  kind  of  big  house  .     he  had  some  money     ━━     the  other  skaters  always  knew  who  had  money  and  who  didn't  .     despite  her  efforts  ,   it  was  always  well  -  known  that  mila  didn't  .    alexei's  feet  padding  around  ,   without  balancing  on  silver  blades  .     eating  breakfast  alone  ,   reading  ,   sleeping  .  .  .     as  if  in  solitary  confinement  ,   a  bird  cage  from  which  he  momentarily  escaped  .     let  alone  that  it  was  four  hours  away  .    four  hours  .     mila  made  a  face  .

       ❛     irina  likes  it  too  .     she  told  me  she  would  h  -  help  ,   because  i  landed  the  quad  toe  loop  .    ❜        mila  realized  ,   far  too  far  into  the  sentence  ,   that  she  had  admitted  something  else  .        ❛     if  i  land  it  at  the  junior  grand  prix  ,     i'll  be  one  of  the  first  to  do  it  .     ❜        alexei  already  had  so  many  accomplishments  ,   and  even  though  mila  knew  that  he  practiced  plenty  for  it  ,   there  was  something  so  effortless  about  it  .     she  wanted  him  to  know  that  she  worked  for  it  ,   too  .     nothing  was  ever  easy  for  her  ;     not  coming  to  sambo  -  70  ,   and  not  skating  in  a  world  that  didn't  have  room  for  her  .     what  conclusion  did  she  want  him  to  draw  with  that  information  ?     she  wasn't  sure  if  she  wanted  him  to  think  she  was  tough  ,   or  interesting  ,   or  something  entirely  other  .     she  barely  noticed  their  waiter  setting  their  food  in  front  of  them  ,   and  had  forgotten  entirely  what  she'd  ordered  in  the  first  place  .     her  attention  was  squarely  on  alexei  .

translation: i would die for you. prove it. okay. no.