HE'S ALWAYS TIRED THESE DAYS, has been for years. that's been his thing from the start, go go go until you can't anymore, until there's nothing left in you. then go more. she'd seen that firsthand. seen how hard he'd trained, how hard he'd practised. just like everyone else. he'd land quad after quad, in combination, all while trying his hardest to look put - together and perfect. sure, his hair ( red at the time, done to try and blend in more, make him look more human ) had always been a mess, but he's always been known for his immaculate presence. that had never mattered to mila, though. she'd seen him at his worst. nearly dead from not feeding, hair an absolute mess in the morning when he'd stayed at her house, nowhere near the polished, put - together persona he's turned into his brand.
HE'S CHANGED SO MUCH IN THE TIME THEY'VE BEEN APART. but he's thought about her every single day. 'you're obsessed,' left dimitri's mouth more times than alexei could count. especially while he was still in russia. but that obsession had been taken advantage of. they were russia's darlings, the country loved seeing them together. even if dimitri tried so hard to pull them apart, even refusing to let alexei bring mila with him to america. that had caused the heartbreak. on both sides.
IT'S A TINY NOD, one of confirmation. wherever she wants, he doesn't care. as long as he gets to be with her. despite his reputation preceeding him ( 'all he cares about is himself,' 'everyone else is beneath him,' ), it's only ever been about her the second they're together. ❝ if that is where you want to go... i love listening to people argue. even when it is not my business. ❞
IT'S THEN THAT ALEXEI STOPS CHEWING ON HIS NAILS. when he notices her staring at his hands. his arm flops down to his side, fingers still messing with each other as he fidgets. things haven't been this awkward for the two of them since the start. even as he follows mila to her car, he messes with his hands, his eyes focused entirely on the ground, on his own ridiculously expensive shoes. her car is a mess, but alexei has no room to talk. his room at home is a disaster. clothing all over the floor, random wrappers from candy dropped wherever they happen to land, at least four glasses that have dried blood in them...
❝ is okay... i have a spoilt pet, too. her name is sasha. i named her that so people would stop calling me it. she is such a brat, i am convinced she stole her personality from me. you would like her, she is like me. she does not like anyone. she looks like a siamese but she is part russian blue and has these spots on her. ❞ ALL SAID AS HE BUCKLES HIS SEATBELT. he'll do his best not to backseat drive, something he's always doing, no matter who drives him. he likes being in charge, telling people what to do. but it's different this time.
HE FEELS SO TERRIBLE, never being able to find her, not trying harder. he'd never contacted her parents, it had never crossed his mind. all he'd done was panic, all he'd done is sit in his bedroom and sob as his heart felt like it physically hurt. he'd nearly died of heartbreak, then he'd seen her and couldn't even say he was sorry. when he looks over at her, she's looking back, smiling. and alexei smiles back, the most genuine and happy one he's had in years. one only mila can get out of him.