im ugly

- Chaotic, intense personal relationships

- Violent verbal/physical outbursts (threats, name-calling, physically striking the victim, damaging property)

- Emotional unavailability, coldness, lack of empathy

- Rapidly changing life goals (want to be a doctor one day, a musician the next)

- Dangerous activities (substance abuse, unprotected sex leading to unplanned pregnancy, alcohol abuse)

- Small/non-existent number of social ties outside family

- Emotional emptiness, numbness (depression)

- Inability to commit on a large scale (engagement, marriage)

- Inability to commit on a small scale (changing or cancelling dates, appointments, etc)

- Self-harm (hitting or cutting yourself, pulling hair)

- Inability to express thoughts/emotion (verbally or in writing, art)

- Paranoia

- Splitting: seeing people as all good or all bad (regardless of how they actually are)

- Impulsive decisions about appearance (hair color/style, piercings, tattoos)

- Suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts

- Future faking (lying about the future, especially to a romantic partner)

- Discarding social/romantic ties (getting rid of people for little reason, showing little emotion)

- Short-lived romantic relationships

- Reduced ability to be emotionally intimate

- Disturbed/non-restorative sleep, nightmares

- Manipulation of truth to cover irrational/impulsive behavior

- Decisions based on impulse, not on forethought

- Unstable sense of identity (don’t know who you are)

- Emotional repression (over-engaging in work, school to avoid processing emotional events)

Relationships to people with abandonment issues commonly result these three ways:

- person with abandonment issues will either runaway/cut people off just as they start becoming attracted/attached to someone

- person with abandonment issues becomes too attached too quickly to people

- person with abandonment issues sabotages relationships even when it seems to be going well 

It’s common for people with abandonment issues to live in constant excruciating fear and anxiety about being with someone or not being with some (sometimes it can be both at the same time).

The core reason people with abandonment issues behave the way they do is an intense fear of rejection (which can be caused by multiple situations the person endured). 

You feel as if you’re unimportant to your friends and/or family and find yourself acting desperate, then feel your actions may have made matters worse.

You find it hard to sleep without many lights on or some kind of noise running.

You attach yourself to inappropriate people just because you’re afraid of being alone.

You find it hard to completely open up to people because one of your “weird” things might be the last straw for them and cause them to leave you.

You blurt out inappropriate “secrets” about yourself (such as wierd quirks or faults) in early stages of a relationship and/or friendship, sometimes to push people away or sometimes to warn them because you feel guilty and/or ashamed.

You use things such as clothes, make up, inappropriate humor, and lies to make yourself feel safe and closed off from others.

me: [avoids social contact with anyone for like 2 days, lies awake in bed for 12 hours and then a bathtub for 5, listening to podcasts and not thinking about anything]

null // 6.4.17