boysrunaway

I have somehow managed to build up my expo and it's all worked out somehow, it's hot out and it's beautiful and I feel both terrified and alive. I feel free. My friends ask why I didn't ask them for help and I admit for once that I tend to convince myself everyone hates me. I guess there are moments where you realize there's no point holding yourself back & vodka never made me a talker before. Everyone hugs me and I let go last, hold on just a second longer like a prayer to bring me back to earth, here. Everything is embarassing but never in the present tense... ups and downs and up we go. Someone had called me intelligent and rebelious and it felt like a slur screaming you do not understand. Someone had said my artwork reminded him of 'someone, maybe you don't know him, Nick Cave' and I'm still laughing about it days later & think I hear my father laughing too. I miss people that are only a call away and too far for me to dare and I miss you too. They're all telling me to move to Berlin, isn't it a funny thing? The future is a collapse I will run straight in to, and maybe hellfire and heavens light are one and the same when it comes to our hearts

10 hour long days the coming week but i am building my installation... so far only one thing broke, i've had to make countless trips to the hardware store, money's running out, a terrible lack of sleep and showers and meals, i spend every free second chainsmoking. the artists way