NEVER GROW UP

change pronouns / gender as needed!

❛ in war, some men must fall; this lamp has made the greatest sacrifice; we commit this lamp to the “don’t tell mother” drawer with great sadness. amen. ❜

❛ once cake is in your head it’s very difficult to think of anything else. ❜

❛ there was once a boy called ___ who died from always being asked annoying questions; the end. ❜

❛ but i’m a mermaid! ❜

❛ brave? he’s being the biggest coward of all. ❜

❛ but it’s all the rage! ❜

❛ you’ve got a lovely biscuit face. what? i’m going to go now. ❜

❛ you’ve broken into my bedroom in the middle of the night. it’s creepy. ❜

❛ only if you’re boring. ❜ 

❛ i’m going to scream now, if that’s alright? ❜

❛ six out of seven dwarves aren’t happy. ❜

❛ i gave you a kiss. i gave you — a girl — a kiss — and it went fine, right? you thought it was okay? i mean, i don’t care — obviously — but you know, on average, you’d say — it went alright, right? ❜

❛ i’m not the one in the nightdress kissing boys i never met before, now, am i? ❜

❛ you just have to think one happy thought. one completely happy thought — think it till it fills up your whole head and your feet will just lift right up off the ground. ❜

❛ i think you’ve caught the sun a little bit, lollipop. ❜

❛ just asking. just wondering if there’s some sort of contingency. plan b? ❜

❛ we’re all fallible, after all — aren’t we? ❜  

❛ no one will care — no one will whisper your name in their prayers. no one will tell your story ever again. ❜

❛ how’s it been without me? terrible? awful? no fun i’d imagine? right? ❜

❛ good lord! what on earth is going on here? this is not cricket! ❜      

❛ fight me! FIGHT ME! ❜  

❛ you and your feelings. there’s a lot of them, aren’t there? ❜  

❛ i’m sorry — i just passed out from a terrible case of ‘ put a sock in it ’. ❜

❛ i’m just expressing myself creatively through the medium of food. ❜

❛ you’re always ruining all the fun! ❜

❛ oh, come on — it was just a smidgy little white lie. ❜

❛ i can be — i’m quite — i was actually fourth in hopscotch championship at school. fourth. ❜

❛ forgive me if i don’t pass out from fear. ❜

❛ you had better be quite worried about what is going to happen next. ❜

❛ to die will be an awfully big adventure. ❜

❛ LET’S GET DECADENT! ❜

❛ ___, i think i’m made wrong. ❜

❛ what the burglemaloo was that? ❜

❛ is your mind still kind to you? ❜  

❛ lack of oxygen up there on your high horse? ❜

❛ i’ve fought wars — i’ve seen things, ___, but you know what? lonely is the hardest thing there is. ❜

❛ it’s no time for a pity party — it’s time for a piña colada! ❜

❛ good god you’re ugly up close. ❜  

❛ woohoo! i’m pretty sure i’m still alive! ❜  

❛ you can’t handle the truth! ❜  

❛ and what’s more you have your smile back. you have your smile! ❜

❛ oh god. yikes. ❜