@bottomfromjackd - Tumblr Blog

It’s been a minute. A lot of shit done happened.

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I wanna run away…

I’m reclaiming my time.

Merry Christmas to anyone and everyone.

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Well, I hope everyone is having a happy holidays, and if not I hope that it gets better for you or you find a shining light. Things don’t always go as we plan… or better yet as we want, but we just have to make the best out of whatever we have. Live, love and laugh… that’s all you really can do. Sometimes it will feel like there is no way out, but everything is momentarily, nothing lasts for ever. With that said, I love myself, I hope you do too.

All I can do is pray for the best, my sanity and a guiding light in the right direction. People are so misleading and honestly hard to make see. Iykyk

timotaychalamet

Moonlight (2016) dir. Barry Jenkins

bottomfromjackd

You know, my life wasn’t hard… but it was hard. It’s not fair tho, I don’t want a pity party but I don’t wanna be throwing someone else’s… and then someone people will really try to minimize what you been through and how it made you feel just because they can’t relate. I hate hearing people do that, it absolutely grinds my gears and literally makes me not what to talk to you.

Why people butt they heads in on other people’s lives when nobody asked them to? I really don’t understand. I really just have been staying away from EVERYBODY! It’s really crazy, I’ve went out once since being home and I almost regret it cause I was there around old ass people and just like there. I hate that I always feel. Constricted by other people. I try hard to just do me and not worry about any opinions but it is definitely easier said than done. I’m so aggravated. I don’t even know what to do with myself. Sighhhhh. I need a getaway.

Am I depressed? I cried not too long ago because I started feeling so confused by my all over the place emotions. I don’t know why I feel so hurt sometimes. I genuinely want to stop feeling like this and being so confused, and think I also am steal hold onto the pain of the past. I complained most of last week and talk about how I was so ready to visit home cause I needed a break from Jersey and how mean and selfish everyone is up north. Now I’m finally home laying in my room at my parents house and all I have on my mind is how I feel like I still don’t have my life together compare to everyone else. I feel sad because I feel like things were already gonna be hard but maybe I just mad them harder for myself because I guess I was trying to prove a point to myself and everyone else. I feel like I’ve did nothing but kinda fought and out of spite because I felt like I had to in order to go somewhere I felt free and unrestricted by matters of opinion. I did find what I wanted, but I also still find myself feeling very confused because I feel like I really worked very hard. I don’t really think anyone realized how hard I’ve worked on my own to get my mental health together even though I know I honestly need to seek professional help.

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Just leave me alone, the fact that you only think about how whatever makes you feel upset is what pisses me off, because what about when I don’t like something!!! It’s a bunch of selfish bullshit… U R SELFISH!!!

Why I always gotta be the support? I need support! Not someone feeling on my butt or telling me “it’s gonna be ok” just so I can shut up. That is not support. Also, why I gotta educate folks on their selfishness and spitefulness and so on and so fourth. These are not in my job description. I’m not gonna go out of my way to explain or be heard by anyone… I literally am shutting down, I don’t care. You don’t care enough to make me feel of so I won’t care enough to be present around anyone. I will be sour and stay to myself because that’s what keeps me from getting my feelings and hurt and having a million unanswered questions for these ungrateful ass people I have come to know. I don’t really know how much longer… but I know there is going to be a day when I walk away because I never intended to spend my entire life here either… and just like in Alabama, I meet small minded ignorant ass people who are stuck in their ways and therefore refuses to see any situation different than they have already superficially perceived it. These people can do whatever the hell they call themselves doing, I really don’t give a damn. I won’t ask for anything, I don’t want anything from anyone. I am constantly let down anyway, constantly compromising by letting other people have their way. Even when it’s my own money, it’s like i still can’t have my way… and there is always someone sucking my energy and efforts away. I don’t hear “Thankyou” and I don’t hear “I apologize,” all I hear is complaining and people talking about what THEY want and what They Plan to do… but ain’t nobody listening to me… he’ll I don’t even get a chance to speak…. So now I don’t want to speak.

It’s miserable up here.

I’m tired of everyone and they short temper up here. Y’all get on my nerves cause y’all so quick to angry, I ain’t finna go out my way to talk to anyone this week, plus I’m going home for Christmas so I ain’t got time for y’all to be playing with my joy.

theblvcksupreme

“SOS” SZA’s sophomore album | 12.09.22

bottomfromjackd

I been loving EVERY minute of it.

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Maybe I should talk about the good time I had this weekend?

I feel like I’m being gas lighted by life or something. It’s like everyone keeps playing around and then when some shit pop off wrong they want all the pity. I’m just over everyone I guess. I can’t ever just speak my mind, something is always a problem and someone always getting upset with me over how I live my life. I be trying to do right by people but I truly feel like they hardly (if ever) do right by me. I can’t even come on my tumblr without being pressed. Someone is always snooping and trying make me feel guilty for how I feel about my emotional experiences. It’s upsetting as hell. Where the fuck do I go? I’m burnt out. I can’t ever just get a break, sometimes just to breathe. Someone always wants me to explain some shit to them, I’d rather short myself in face then explain anything else to anyone. People will hear you but they don’t know wtf you saying. What’s the point.

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