💞

the main issue with problems is that they suck bad. but what if there was an app that let you bet on child surgeries

I really wish the overused sentence “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” was less relevant but here we are

white girl SHOCKS nonbinary barista by fucking the coffee machine

The entire point of, OK, my phone really wants to call it Anastasia so I guess we’re doing that? The entire point of Anastasia (as administered by a board-certified Anastasiologist) during sugary. Sugary? Haven’t I suffered enough? The entire point of Anastasia during augury. Jesus Christ. Hold up. You know what, augury is preferable to sugary. Augury is obviously performed by an auger (makes sense if you give it a think) whereas sugary is performed by…? A sugardaddy? NO THANK YOU. Anyway. The entire point of Anastasia is so that you don’t know what music your sturgeon. Fuck right off. Was playing. While you were under. You’re not supposed to wake up from Anastasia and immediately realize you managed to get earwormed by Motörhead’s “Ace of Spades” during your sugary.

there is other things too there's zoo tycoon

I do suffer the american condition of liking to drink huge drinks

i feel like we can’t really talk any shit about birds who get tagged by scientists becoming extra desirable to other birds bc like imagine if someone was abducted by aliens and given a mysterious unbreakable bracelet. and then when you ask them about it they get this complicated and distant look in their eyes and admit they don’t know what it is but the aliens put it on them and they can’t take it off no matter how hard they try. and you go oh that must have been terrifying and their expression softens a bit and they say it was, but it made them realize just how precious our brief time on earth really is, and they don’t know when they’ll be taken again but it’ll probably be for good this time so until that day they want to live every moment to the fullest, watch every sunrise, cherish every beautiful thing. then they reach over and gently pluck a fallen leaf out of your hair, and for a second you’re distracted by the dazzling shimmer of the cuff around their arm but then you realize they’ve been looking at you with this soft sort of smile on their face so you lean closer and idk the point is i think it would work on us too probably

MY OVARIES!!!!!!

Our*

THEYRE COMMUNIZING MY FUCKING OVARIES!!!!!!!!

Our*

GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY FUCKING OVARIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our*

I DO NOT CONSENT TO YOU COMMUNIZING MY FUCKING OVARIES!!!!!!

Our*

you know what. i may be getting jumped by tumblrians but at least i have my clownfish. its me and you against the world buddy

Our clownfish

I CANT HAVE ANYTHING IN THIS FUCKIBG WORLD

mm you’re being such an okay boy for daddy. could be better could be worse. you will receive neither reward nor punishment for your forgettable behavior. that’s my okay boy, keep doing whatever …

never shouldve smoked that shit, now i’m on the july 17th 1995 cover of newsweek

Happy 30th birthday bisexuality