Bottle of Dried Flowers

corn smut, call that a corno.

*danny phantom theme song splooge*

*reads your discharge like tea leaves*

marinating a turkey feels like you're committing a sin against birds. you sorta have to finger fuck it's neck hole and shove your hand up it's ass to your mid forearm all while your hands are coated in butter, chicken stock, and pepper. it takes three washes to unbutter your hands.

sometimes you overcook yourself in the shower and have to lotion you ass cheeks. this is normal and okay.

why men's thumb look like toe???

It is normal to feel material towards your camera's tripod. He is my son. He is a dog. He is a baby giraffe. my little guy. my creature who lives in a locker. he moves like a worm.

The master bedroom of my condo doesn't even have a cuck chair. where am i supposed to eat my appy slices and peanutbutter?? on the bed?? I do that at home. I'm on vacation. i deserve to have a cuck chair. I have a chair i my room at home but it is a chairdrobe. I put all my close on that before I get around to putting them away. to have a useless chair is a simple luxury. sure I intended to blasphize the cuck chair by denying it's horny purposes, but so what i want to relax and have a nice diner of appie slices with more peanut butter than apple and microwave popcorn.

just took a shit so nasty I had to shower immediately afterwards

tummy grumbles have me hauling ass across the store white knuckling the cart, hoping I don't shit myself

whenever I'm depressed dogs hate me and my vibes. they hate me and won't stop barking, which honestly is not helping

sometimes you read a book series just to understand it's fanfic better

sometimes you just gotta add a new plant to the planter battle royal and hope it survives

eating water activated tape straight from the tape despenser like its fruit by the foot