SIX DRINKERS: Fantasy all-day drinking team
"We are here to drink beer and to live life so well death will tremble to take us."
Editor-at-Large Frank âthe Tankâ Rackham is the first of us to fire up the Bottle Big Drinkers Time Machine and has picked his team for the Great Hypothetical London all-dayer.Â
âIâve had to think hard about this six, and even now I have found it hard to crowbar the right balance into my team. This London Leo Sayer starts early on a sunny Good Friday morning, and -potentially- the next three days shine bright like a blank boozy canvas of alcoholic possibility ahead of us.â
It is fair to say Mr OâToole loved a drink, and was well known for his endurance when it came to the pop. OâToole is the elder statesman of our session, and guides us through the drinking dens of his beloved Soho and theatreland. This particular anecdote highlights why we all wish we were privelidged enough to have gone on bender with this great thesp:
In 1959, Michael Caine was the OâTooleâs understudy for the Royal Court play The Long And The Short And The Tall. The older actor invited Caine to dinner, and they sat down to a plate of chips; the next thing Caine remembered was waking up in a strange flat. It was 5pm, two days later; and the curtain went up next at 8pm. "Never ask what you did,â OâToole told Caine later. âIt's better not to know."
No tour of London on a session would be complete without Camdenâs angel.
Her untimely death at the hands of the demon drink is of course a tragedy, yet I feel compelled to invite her out with the guys.
Perhaps, under the tutelage of Hemingway and OâToole, our beloved Amy couldâve been saved. [Just keep her away from Papaâs 12-bore until she hit 28, though - Ed.]
Amy drags us around her north London haunts, a tiny ball of fun that seems to run entirely on booze and the admiration of the crowd.
 Sir Patrick Stewart & Sir Ian MacKellen
These two chums come as a package, because they are Knights of the Realm and can do pretty much what they want.
Whilst by no means the biggest drinkers for this mission, it is clear by their escapades on Twitter that the pair would excel at keeping morale high throughout at 10-hour-plus Leo Sayer.
The jovial and disarming nature of the two Knights is like a soothing oil on any potential seething sea of chaos our team might whip up.
As a bonus, Sir Ian owns a pub - the Grapes in Limehouse- which means there's at least one boozer we won't get the boot from.
Thereâs an old London Thamesside myth of a notorious women drinker by the peculiar moniker of Long Meg.
Picture youâre a half-cut sailor back on the bawdy banks of the Thames in Elizebethan England:Â Imagine Meg coming at you from down the street; sheâs close to two meters tall and weighs close to 135kgs. There are scars on her knuckles from her occasional participation in bare-knuckle boxing.Â
Sheâs utterly shit-faced.
And singing. With good reasonâmen have come from all over Europe to see if they can out drink her and she laid every man jack of them under the table. We can think of no finer accomplice once the dark sets in. Sheâs in.
One of the 20th centuryâs most influential authors, Hemingway credited his success to a simple formula: âWrite drunk. Edit sober.â
Papa is often credited with the invention or popularization of several cocktails, such as the absinthe-and-champagne concoction âDeath in the Afternoonâ and would be a welcome international addition to the party, as both raconteur and pace-setter.
Reserve list: Richard Harris, Charles Bukowski, Ollie Reed, Judy Garland, Ozzie Osborne.
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