SCORCHED EARTH.

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.

You know, it only takes four muscles to just extend your arm and bitchslap the twat.

Congratulations on being an awful bitch who’s completely oblivious to the fact that everyone hates you.

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

My business isn’t your business; so unless you’re my thong, don’t be up my arse.

I may look calm, but in my head I’ve killed you three times already.

I would retaliate against your snotty remark, but since you resemble a garden gnome, I’d say the joke is on you.

I thought I saw your face on my newsfeed but it turns out it was just a picture of a potato.

You want to walk out of my life, there’s the door. Hell, I’ll even hold it open for you.

I don’t do fashion, I am fashion.

Somewhere out there there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breath. I think you owe it an apology.

I’m only single because I’m too sassy for everyone.

Bitch please, have you seen me? I’m a princess.

I think, therefore I’m single.

Life’s too short to bullshit.

If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.

When in doubt, freak ‘em out.

I’d rather die my way than live yours.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

deidara.

      it's been weeks. i think it's racking up on 3 months now, isn't it? i've lost track. i've tried not to think about it, honestly. i don't know how i feel.

      i want to miss you and i want you back home, but if you were back home, i'd probably tear your head off your neck. i want to be pissed off at you and curse your name and have you dead at the same time, but i know i'd just break down in misery and regret later.

      i'm still upset over you leaving. i'm still absolutely livid. at the same time, i want freedom for you, but...i don't know, dei. i'm just confused on how i feel, or how i want to feel. i don't know how i feel, i don't know what to feel, or how i should feel about all of this. gramps says to forget about it, that it's not worth lingering over. other people say you're trash that shouldn't be given a second thought.

      maybe they're right. who knows anymore.

deidara.

      no one will so much as mention your name. maybe just once in a while between gramps and the council to decide what to do with you when, and if, you're caught, considering you've gone rogue and all. stay out of trouble.

      please don't start pulling crazy shit, dei. for me, and for your own sake. please. the last thing i want to see is you being dragged back into this village and taken for execution. i doubt it'd be public but it'd be something i'd still be forced to watch.

      i've had nightmares thinking about it because i know it's a very real possibility. do you know what that's like? imagining your best friend (or should i say ex best friend?) being dragged to death row and being put to death, and having to watch that.

      in my dreams i can never read the emotion in your eyes. is it anger? sadness? regret? i have no idea, but i never like the look on your face.

      don't do anything that get you into that sorta shit, dei. please, please, please, please, please. be safe. be free or whatever, but don't do anything stupid.

eat pizza bites while they’re hot OR wait for them to cool

come to a complete stop at stop signs OR does a california roll

set their alarm clock for the time they actually will wake up OR set it early and hit snooze a bunch

fall asleep on their phone/laptop OR stop using electronics an hour before bedtime

floss once a day OR only floss the week before they go to the dentist

hold their jacket in their lap until everyone is boarded OR put it into the overhead compartment right away

run straight into the ocean OR slowly let their body adjust to cold water

run marathons OR marathons TV shows

consider french fries to count as a veggie OR make sure they have something green on their plate