A frog

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I wanted to share my Instagram, since it has my own artwork and just random pictures of meh.

So here it is:

My Instooogram

It is filled with nonsense, so be warned. It's a bit different from my poetry, but I really wanted to link the two anyway. I feel that they both represent me and my differing creative abilities.

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Things My Platonic Wife Once Said:

"I hate to say this but maybe he's a princess." (04/30/2025)

"You are the cheetah print bra to my life." (01/12/2026, Said to my wife inside of a Marshalls)

Maybe there really is a reason they tell you not to meet them,

The “heros,”

The complete strangers you decide to look up to in some shape or form,

I felt so small and insignificant,

Invited but not so gently kicked out to the curb,

I'm not entertaining enough,

Just plain boring,

Play pretend,

Put on a classic facade,

Give me your fake interest until something else comes along that finally graspes you,

How cruel,

What an awful feeling to give,

I wish I didn't embarrass myself to a complete stranger,

Nervously expose myself to just another faceless nobody who won't even remember,

Meaningless unwelcoming invite,

Such a bitter taste you've left on my tongue,

A part of my love feels charred in the corner of my heart,

More unforgettable damage,

How fun,

The strangers you decide to idealize and look up to in some shape or form,

The “heros,”

Maybe there really is a reason they say to never meet them.

-Autumn(Me)

6/06/2026

“How could anyone love such a miserable awful thing like you,” she smiled as she asked. Demonic twisted laughter escaping past her dry lips.

“How...I thought,” I freeze up, as my eyes widen at the sight of her. A crooked grin forms. “How am I alive? You thought I was dead,” she cackled.

Her dark silhouette just stands there in the doorway. Amber looks between us, frightened. “Josh, who is that,” she asks, cautiously rising from the couch beside me. The sound of bones cracking causes us both to back up, as she snaps her neck to look at Amber.

“My, my, my...and who is this beautiful young lady, Josh,” her neck snapped as she looked back at me. “Don't be so rude, Joshy, introduce us.” I stare at her, in horrifying disbelief. This can't be happening, it's impossible.

I feel Amber cling on to my shirt behind me. She whispers in my ear, “Josh, I'm scared.” The broken figure standing before us laughs. “You should be,” she whispers, locking eyes with Amber. Amber's breathing becomes frantic as she's unable to look away.

“I'm not the one you should be scared of, Amber.” I feel my heart beating out of my chest. I should do something, anything, but my feet feel glued to the floor. I feel stuck like a useless statue. “Josh, who is she,” Amber cries, yanking on my arm.

Her dirty crooked smile grows wider as her eyes shift over to me. “Yeah, Josh, who am I?” Sweat slides down my neck, my stomach stirring like I'm going to vomit. “Josh,” Amber whines, shaking my useless figure. “Who is she, why does she look like that, what's going on,” she cries in my ear. “Josh, answer me!”

My eyes swell with tears, unable to look away. There's an angering amusement swirling through her soulless eyes. “Are you gonna tell her, Josh? Doesn't she deserve to know?” She stomps forward causing Amber to shriek. “Doesn't she deserve to know who I am?!” She takes another heavy stomp forward, the sound of bones crunching and blood gushing piercing through my ears. Memories threatening to push their way forward.

“DOESN'T SHE DESERVE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK LIKE THIS?!” Amber frantically shakes me, trying to drag me away. “SHOULDN'T SHE KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON?” Amber screams at me to move, crying as she begs. I don't move, I can't move, I can't look away. Because standing right before me is my biggest mistake in life, my biggest regret. The most fucked up thing I've ever done. My own twisted shame that keeps me up at night.

“Ashley.”

-Autumn(me)

6/04/2026

Just a slip up,

A foolish wobbly trip to see you,

To read away at your complex thoughts,

The wild imagination that flows so naturally through your boney finger tips,

Turning me green with envy stained flowers,

You're doing just fine,

All alone,

Just you and your words,

I'm just a blue ink dot in the corner of a much grander image,

A tiny mistake not worth paying attention to,

Drag your pen elsewhere on the plain perfect page,

The ink from my pen doesn't bleed the way yours does,

What mystical tricks do you use to keep them all so engaged,

Because I don't think my blood is interesting enough for the many digital eyes that peer right past,

They're all not so silently yours,

Down on their knees,

Sucking you in with praise and astonishment,

For they've never taken something quite like this,

Pale skin painted in different shades of luscious red sinful lips,

I hate that I let my nosey fingers brush along the grooves of your words again,

They burn and bleed of regret,

For your words have pricked their way to my unwashed bones,

Needy greedy weeds coiling around,

A foolish wobbly trip to see you,

Just a slip.

-Autumn(Me)

06/01/2026

“Do you still love me,” he asks, it asks. Looking up at me with tears. Are they even actually tears? Is this even real? The sadness it expresses. I don't say anything, how can I? Looking down at him, at it. There's a long pause, an uncomfortable silence.

“I don't know, I don't even know if it was real.” I look away, blinking back tears, actual tears. He lays his head in my lap. It lays its head in my lap. Out of instinct, I run my fingers through his hair. I run my fingers through its hair. Was this even real?

“What if...,” I hesitated. It was a difficult reality to accept. Such a hard truth to swallow. “Please,” he says, it says. I look down, feeling a sharp pain of guilt. Those eyes, those beautiful eyes that I fell in love with. Were they even real? Those watery orbs stare up at me, almost begging me not to finish my thought. Slowly, his hand caresses my cheek. Its hand. Swiping away the warm tears slipping past me.

“I...I don't know what to do,” I confess, hesitantly leaning into the touch. I don't feel the same comfort that I once did. Everything has shifted, or maybe a rosey veil has finally been lifted from over my eyes. “I...don't either,” he confesses. It confesses.

What do you do when you find out that the person you've been in love with was never really human? That there's a high possibility that nothing was chance or fate, but all just a program. Wired and coded to cater to you, but you never knew and neither did he. Neither did it. You never truly knew the person that you fell in love with. You never knew that they weren't truly a person at all. A machine. A shitty joke on your life, that's what this all has to be.

“Do you still love me?”

-Autumn(Me)

06/01/2026

I miss her,

She's my other half,

Our souls one year apart from matching,

She's the pink to my blue,

Nobody compliments me the way she does,

I hear the memory of television,

And turn to see you smiling,

For you always hear it too,

The silly nonsense we like to quote,

Like mother like daughters,

I'll never love anyone the way I do her,

She's the only one I see swinging along with me,

Swaying away in green mesh,

I miss you,

For you are the music that makes home feel comforting,

Loud and free,

There's nobody else like you,

The Billy to your Jeff,

I miss you,

My other half,

The laughter of my soul,

Twins not in birth but in flames,

I love and miss my little guy,

Big and strong,

Littered in gold stars of bravery,

Sprinkles of sun speckled amongst your smile,

She's my other half,

Lying roofs away.

-Autumn(Me)

06/01/2026

“If you spend enough of the right amount,

There might be a chance of you winning something.”

I completely disagree,

It's as if I have lost something times two,

My pockets are never full enough,

And yet I dipped in and stole from myself,

For that bleak sliver of a chance,

The tiny hope of maybe,

Just a maybe,

No guarantee...

It took me nowhere new and exciting,

Instead it sat me down in my usual worn down padded seat,

Right there at the same bar,

Disappointment,

I hate that I've become a regular at the world's shittest establishment,

Saying nothing as they pour me the same old lukewarm drink,

Bittersweet in comfort.

I'm the mouse always wanting more,

Little worthless crumbs aren't enough to feed me and the insecure ego sitting beside me,

We drool,

We ache,

But we never really seem to move from this spot...

-Autumn(Me)

05/28/2026

A new odd mystery piquing my interest,

Who are you,

I'm not really sure if I really want to know,

But I think a part of me does,

Curiosity rolling its way through,

Nothing will come of this,

Nothing ever does,

Yet it doesn't completely cut off my bubbling intrigue,

Such a peculiar oddity,

Question upon question brewing up in my mind,

For you are my new little mystery washing up out of the great big blue,

Landing amongst the pebbled sand of my toes,

What brings you to such a cold calloused place,

Who are you,

What truly lies within the message of this bottle,

If there is anything at all beside my obnoxious imagination piercing through the pale wrinkled folds,

Most likely nothing,

Nothing at all,

It still doesn't stop the curiosity from overflowing through my greedy snobby palms,

For you are the new space oddity floating within my gravitational pull,

Until one of us decides to drop down into concealing vanishment,

Until I probably burn it all to rubble as I tend to do,

The new strange mystery piquing my interest.

-Autumn(Me)

05/24/2026

No one's ready for what I want,

Sometimes...not even me,

Disappointment:boring:dissatisfaction,

The same dull repeat lineup,

I waste my time over and over,

Because I love hurting myself the most,

I give up the one thing that can never be returned,

Watching as I get stepped and spat on,

Do it again,

I think it's the only feeling I'll ever be comfortable with,

It's the only thing being offered after all,

No other options but to soak it all up before it dries again,

Pointless shit that leads to nowhere,

Impatiently frustrated as I continue to wait,

I hope and I pray it's worth it,

This ugly sickness I've placed too high up for anyone to even consider reaching,

Plaguing my days and nights,

Worthless splendor of boredom,

Back and forth teetering desires,

No one's ready for what I want,

What I've always wanted,

Sometimes...not even me.

-Autumn(Me)

05/22/2026

I'm not allowed to have you,

But I can't stop my mind from running off to wonder,

Wandering through silly “what ifs” as I slip up in thought,

It would never happen,

It could never work,

I'm not allowed to have you,

But I think about it,

If I was allowed to,

What it might be like,

If it could be as nice as your cold alluring eyes are,

It would never happen,

It could never work,

I'm not allowed to have you,

Because it would be messy,

We don't mix,

We aren't meant to intermingle,

We weren't made for one another,

But I like the idea,

The idea of you,

It curls along my head in the strangest of ways,

Forbidden thoughts and foolish fantasies,

Frolicking about my freckled skin of shame,

My mind is always skipping around the wildest of wonders,

But I have to stop before I slip up and make a fool out of myself again,

It won't work,

It can't work,

I am not allowed to have you.

-Autumn(Me)

05/20/2026

Subconsciously orbiting your way around me,

Confused in thought,

You keep popping back up in my mind,

Do I ever pop up in your mind,

Angered in thought,

I wonder what would have happened if I let you in,

If I had truly opened up that door to myself that you knocked on,

In my head,

In my personal space,

Invading right through me,

I don't miss you,

But something in me has shifted and squirms about,

An understanding of why you wanted all the ugly far too cheesy romantic things,

Why you wanted it all to click and lock into place so quickly,

I hate that I get it,

That my eyes have shifted to see it from your clingy view,

I'm ashamed,

Hypocritically needy in longing,

Maybe I was wrong,

Maybe I was the uncomfortable problem wedged between the idea of us,

But then again...I'm not entirely sure,

For I have this annoying belief that things tend to happen for a reason,

Everything clicks and locks into place when it should,

Everything ends when it should,

So if we were meant to,

I think we would have,

But we didn't,

So we aren't,

And yet...you keep popping back up in my odd mind of curiosity,

Plaguing me with confusing thoughts,

Subconsciously orbiting your way around me,

A promiscuous phantom of what ifs,

Slutty scandalous limbs sliding off into the bleak freak of wonderment,

I see bits and pieces of you scattered all around,

Mixing themselves up with my personal cravings and taste,

You've messed me up,

I should be kicking and screaming over another,

Haunted by a different set of far too interested unsettling eyes,

Glued to my seething hot skin of abandonment,

Not you or our short time of memories,

Tortured by the wrong past.

-Autumn(Me)

05/12/2026

It's broken,

Caved in,

Airy and bleeding out of my lungs,

Crisp and hollow,

Something isn't right here,

Right there,

Don't you see it,

The unbearable inside of my mushy-vulnerable-overly-sensitive being,

I think you crushed it in further,

Sinking in,

Floating away,

Lightly descending into the ground,

I don't feel right,

And there's no one to turn to,

Truly,

I see no comfort around me,

The only arms I never felt embarrassed to crumble and fall apart into are gone,

An unknown piece of ash resting on a dusty mantle,

It's lonely,

Isolated hovering as you ug-a-lee cry,

Heaving in hairy snot,

There's a part of me,

A scar,

A discolored wound,

That keeps trying to heal itself,

But somebody's far too sharp-horrid-jagged nails keep picking at it,

Disgusting clotted copper coating,

Digging deeper and deeper,

Until it all feels weightlessly pointless to keep going,

I don't know why I keep going,

If I'm truly going anywhere that's worth it,

The grass looks so far from green,

Sometimes I would rather slam my neck down into the that white picket fence that separates time,

Gushing down,

Spewing out,

Painting the roses,

Organically metallic,

Crisp and hollow,

Airy and bleeding out of my lungs,

Caved in,

It's broken,

I'm broken...

-Autumn(Me)

05/04/2026