funny you should ask // The front bottoms
DEAR READER
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Sweet Seals For You, Always
Sade Olutola

#extradirty
$LAYYYTER
YOU ARE THE REASON


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Jules of Nature
Peter Solarz
Aqua Utopiaď˝ćľˇăŽĺşă§č¨ćśăç´Ąă

NASA
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
we're not kids anymore.

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@borderline-birdie
funny you should ask // The front bottoms

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FP: donât worry! I wonât ever abandon you, I promise!
My BPD ass:
Me: hey bpd what do you have there?
Bpd: a new fp!!!
Me: NO
just girly things:Â
pain
bloodÂ
not feeling realÂ
bathroom floors
a knife at your spineÂ
marshmallowsÂ
lucky stars
dizzy unconscious innocentÂ
the ghost of the man you shouldâve shot when you were 7Â
car window prayers
4am glitter ripped tights empty roadÂ
counting down daysÂ
loose baby tooth feelingÂ
holes to fillÂ
having to be âmatureâ at a young age sucks bc you arenât really âmature-matureâ youâre a child playing at a maturity bc you donât have the foundation to be the bigger person when conflict arrives so what you do is ignore it bc ignoring a problem and being happy about a resolution look the same to your inexperienced eyes. Then you get adults praising you for a development above your peers but you arenât really developing. Youâre stagnant. Your peers will grow up and experience things and make mistakes and grow from them but you will keep yourself in this box, ignoring things ignoring ignoring ignoring until one day you have to face the fact⌠it wasnât maturity you had. It was fear. And now youâre an adult too and you make all of your choices based on an emotional risk/costs analysis bc you donât know any emotion other than fear & you have to start healing from your own childhood by making peace that you werenât really a mature child. You were just a child who was given too much to carry & didnât know how to say ânoâ.

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me trying to comprehend anything anyone says to me
Growing up neglected can mean you donât feel like you get to be picky about who gives you attention or what kind of attention you even get, you cling onto anyone who acknowledges your existence and it can end up so painful
someone: iâll never leave / abandon you!
me: sounds fake but okay
Description of FP as told by a bpd individual:
If you suffer with BPD then you may have come across the term âfavourite person,â or âFPâ for short. It is a common setup for BPD individuals but is often mistaken for being a best friend by everyone else. âFPâ are individuals of whom you have a deep emotional dependence on, usually being deeply platonically in love. You may not know them well but they are a huge part of your life, and how they behave highly depends on your mood. They can be uplifting or crashing. You apologise for every small thing because you donât want to give them any reason to go. Their company is like a drug, and you feel utterly empty without their presence. And if they do leave, it causes a big hole and perpetuates the theory of abandonment from which every BPD individual suffers with. FPs are soothing, comforting and consoling, but also dangerous, addictive and compulsive. They are more than a best friend, they are your lifeline.
Just gonna leave this here
if youâre really sad and your abandonment issues only get worse with every person you allow yourself to get close to clap your hands : )

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Being raised without stability really fucks with your head, youâre forever trying to figure out a personâs âpatternâ to see how you have to approach them, whether theyâre in a good mood and itâs safe, or if theyâre in a bad mood and you have to be careful or maybe avoid them altogether, just because those who raised you could never keep a consistent emotional reaction
boi do i love bpd paranoia like i would be chilling comfortably and suddenly my heart would start beating fast, chest heavy, head filled with anxiety and paranoia that someone is out there to hurt me or get me
borderline at its fucking finest
I hate when people reblog a post about bpd and they have no idea what bpd even is lmfao.
im about to NUT n - never open u - up to anyone ever again t - they just wanna use me then leave me
you hadnât stopped

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Too depressed to be awake? Not depressed enough for a Depression Nap� Welcome to Existential Crisis Wrapped in Blanket!
Raise your hand if you have ever felt personally victimized by this post
me, trying to accept the fact that iâm mentally ill and as a result impaired in my function: butâŚ.. iâm⌠probably⌠just lazy. a bad person. i simply need to pull myself together and thatâs it