Ezra said... Cool Post!

I can’t talk on Twitter because the dude I’m speaking on follows me. Now do I think he will see it between all the porn on his Twitter feed? YES BECAUSE THATS HOW TWITTER WOULD DO ME

So anyway there is this dude who I’ve had a crush on and he likes me too. We’re both very mutual in the feeling and I do believe him. HOWEVER!!!

EVERYTIME I TRY TO TALK TO HIM MORE CONSISTENTLY HE VERY OBVIOUSLY FIZZLES ON ME. IVE EVEN SAID TO HIM I ONLY EXIST AS A CONCEPT TO HIM.

But here is the thing. He SHOULDT EVEN BE WORTH THE EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT. WHY!?

HES A MESSSSSSSS. A functioning alcoholic. A man with a roster. Like!? He was talking about this girl he knows who apparently is catching feelings and is like I wanna move near you. And we were supposed to talk on Thursday…..BUT WHAT DID HE DO INSTEAD!?!?

WENT TO GO TO ❄️ ❄️❄️❄️ WITH THAT GIRL AND GHOSTED ME FOR TWO DAYS. You’d think that would be enough for me to be like fuck this but he’s so funny, rizz is so loud. It’s honestly an addictive personality to me.

Now here is the thing. I refuse to chase and when I notice he’s fading im like….ok gotta go. BUT I MISS HIM AND IM SO MAD THAT I DO!!!! HE LITERALLY DOES NOT DESERVE MY EMOTIONAL ENERGY!!!!!

Good thing is I am very good at not giving in. But I am so tired because this always happens but this time I’m just so disappointed and sad. Because I thought he would be growing and doing better but no. He’s a 36 year old man, doing casual coookkkeeee and I know he’s sad and lonely and I’m like….untill he figures it out he’s going to just be that way. I love his potential. But the reality is it’s not real to him. None of it is. And none of it matters.

So why am I drowning in the feeling of it and having a hard time letting go? Too much history between us. Too much tension. But I will get over it, and my life will continue to be good, while he tries to find his next rush in someone or something. And yeah I don’t need that.

OH ONE MORE THING! I keep thinking about how he said “I’ve never had a girl who didn’t put up with my shit” and when I talk to him and give him real truth! Real love! Such as……don’t do ❄️. Apparently I hurt his feelings.

I’m alive for another vampire weekend album.

Whew. What a ride. What a life. Thankful in advance for these men who literally saved my life.

And while we know what we know about Ezra. I’ve come to the conclusion that HE has to deal with what he may or may not have done. I’m thankful for the impact he’s had on my life and I won’t let his actions erase my joy.

Well y’all. We back! By we I mean me. I don’t know how to navigate on here.