Books And Bad Ideas

dracula but nobody takes him seriously

hes giving one of his dramatic monologues & little old man van helsing whaps him on the head with a rolled up newspaper mid-sentence to shut him up. nobody was even listening 

do you think The Mousetrap was any good? do you think Hamlet sat down and wrote a play to trigger his uncle that turned out to be quality writing and stage direction worth performing again, or do you think it was just kind of half-baked drivel that only a guilt-stricken murderer would have any reaction to beyond awkward embarrassment?

Claudius: brb watching a cringe play with my fail nephew

This is fun jokes, but I do have some input to offer here! Hamlet asks the players to put on a pre-existing play, The Mousetrap, but he requests that they add in a monologue he wrote that is to be performed by the Claudius analogue that emphasizes the specifics of how he’s poisoning the king, in the exact way that Claudius killed the real king. Hamlet considers himself a scholar and lover of theatre, so he is probably very excited to write something that is performed. He probably spent all night perfecting the verse, but the way he wrote the verse still necessitates the mispronunciation of Hecate so that it fits into his meter better. He was trying to give acting notes to the players about how to say the 6 lines he wrote just right, and not overacting it or underacting it. Which I can only imagine was cringe as hell to a troupe of actors that do this professionally, to get acting advice from this prince who’s going to University so he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else.

hey we’ve all had an important task to do, like killing our uncle, that we’ve procrastinated on by obsessively focusing on some other minor task, like staying up all night writing a verse to diss our uncle.

Of course, now there exists another play called The Mousetrap, about another murderer, so I now want to see a version of Hamlet in which Agatha Christie’s version is perfomed by mistake but Claudius is still so neurotic that the result remains the same.

Hamlet but partway through the entirety of Agatha Christie’s The Mousetrap is performed with Hamlet’s monologue added in.

dropping a chandelier in the middle of an opera because someone sat in my unassigned assigned seat is the level of pettiness i aspire to achieve

Damn straight

fucking losing it at the concept of a reverse Holmes and Watson like there's this genius journalist who goes around solving crimes and writes about how he does it and then there's his useless himbo assistant who does fuck all and just follows him around absolutely out of his mind on cocaine

a support group for vampires who were turned as children or adolescents. a bunch of small, melancholy kid-shaped vampires sitting around in somebody’s living room talking very seriously in tiny voices about current events in the vampire world. a lot of them dress like grandmas because they are as old as a grandma, maybe even ten grandmas. they have a network system where they can call adult-looking vampires to help them get things, drive places, pretend to be parents so child-looking vampires can get into adult movies 

#two vampire friends of the same chronological age #but one was turned at age 11 and the other at age 40 #they pretend to be parent and child but they’re actually more like bickering elderly roommates #bickering elderly roommates who are serial killers

I want to see a 500 year old vampire in the body of five year old being the reluctant mentor to a brand new adult shaped vamp 👁️👄👁️

I started reading North and South, and while I think the adaptation did a good job of demonstrating how Margaret is quiet and stilted and yes, a little bit haughty, it did not adequately communicate how deeply and immediately into it Thornton is.

if you see me wandering the windswept moors and highlands in nothing but a nightgown plastered to my skin with rain, wailing and wringing my hands as i stumble over the already mud-trodden hem, i ask that you do NOT approach. i will be FINE. i just need to work through some stuff & be dramatic first. please respect that.

A production of MacBeth but everyone calls the characters The Scottish Play and Lady The Scottish Play