The Speed of Dark, by Elizabeth Moon
I’m not sure how I feel about The Speed of Dark, other than it’s the scariest book I’ve ever read. It was recommended to me by an acquaintance of mine, also autistic. It has an autistic main character having to face the choice of if he wants to be “made normal” or not.
A lot of the book is first person POV. It’s an autistic POV that is so well written that I got supremely excited. It’s a book! That’s written! Like I think! Finally, a character who I completely understand! Seriously, there were parts in the story where I could feel Lou’s impending meltdown hovering over him like a dark cloud, and it was so affecting that I actually had to take a break and go engage in something soothing. It’s good.
It makes some sense, narratively, given the world Lou Arrendale lives in, and given what he wants.
It felt weak. Not enough lead-up to his ultimate decision. Not enough follow-up of the consequences. It felt more like a “this is how things should be and it’s good” than the scathing social commentary that the rest of the book felt like.
To have a book that was so lovingly crafted, to have a realistic and relatable autistic protagonist, to have him face such a present and horrifying choice, to have him work so hard to understand what might happen and to come to terms with who he is, and to wrap it all up in something that feels vaguely cure-positive?
But then again, maybe the ending is supposed to be unsatisfying. Maybe it’s meant to be upsetting. If so, I can manage to feel a little less angry about it.
If so, it really needed more follow-up. Not everything needs a happy ending. It could have been left mediocre, just to get the point across.
I don’t know if I can recommend this book. It made me ridiculously happy right up until the last handful of chapters. And then it left me hurt and angry and scared.
But if you want to give it a go, you can find it here.