Character Study: Jason Voorhees (II)
I...don't know what this post is. I've been MIA for literal years, and honestly, I meant to return in a more dignified manner than this.
How to Lower the Murder Rate
āĀ Barbwire.Ā If Jason has time to set traps, he has time to put up a perimeter fence. Plus, the people around Crystal Lake already know about him. Itās not like theyāre going to say anything. (Not even the HOA wants that smoke.)
Note: The only reason I could see him not doing this is if it would disrupt/harm the wildlife. (Think of the dingo fence in Australia.)
ā Private Property Signs.Ā At theĀ very least, someone could put up signs near common entry points. Warning: trespassers will be shot. That's all they need. Is it technically a lie since Jason is more of a machete-to-the-face kind of guy? Yes. But speaking from experience, a sign like that would have most campers turning aroundĀ realĀ fast.
āĀ Why HasnātĀ AnyoneĀ Done This? No, really...why?Ā From a police standpoint alone, this is the obvious solution. They leave Jason alone out of fear, yet they could also protect others by implementing these simple deterrents.Ā
Note:Ā Itās a bit like a condemned building. If you canāt tear it down, you lock it up, ensuring that curious people canāt gain entry. Why not do the same thing with Camp Crystal Lake? Itās a small town; no oneās going to object.
Jason Voorhees and Sexual Congress
āĀ Sex isnātĀ inherentlyĀ bad.Ā Itās more about the location and implications that warrant death via machete. After all, how wouldĀ youĀ feel if strangers started doing the horizontal tango in your bed? Pretty upset, Iād imagine. But why? ItāsĀ justĀ a bed, after all...
Itās disrespectful.Ā By doingĀ the sex, theyād be disregarding the fact that itās not their bed--itās yours. As such, you should be able to decide who can sex it up.Ā
Violation.Ā Your house is your safe place. By disregarding this fact, they violate your sanctuary. There is also the blatant lack of consideration for your comfort.
āĀ ItāsĀ hisĀ land.Ā Strangers shagging on your floor? Nope! Get out! But you and Jason doing it there? Well, it is your home. If you want to climb that man like a tree, who are we to judge?
Jason and Candles
āĀ Ok, stick with me on this. He has a shrine to his mother. That shrine has candles.Ā WhereĀ is he getting them? The people need to know! *Hangs off of Jason's shirtfront dramatically, much to his bewilderment*
There are two main options: animal fat or beeswax.Ā
āĀ Option 1: Jason the Beekeeper.Ā I prefer this explanation because itās wholesome as all get out. Just imagine Jason in a little beekeeping outfit, puttering around, attending to his buzzing little buddies. He wouldĀ notĀ be beating the Disney Princess allegations.
āĀ Option 2: Jason the Hunter.Ā Alright, alright...this may be the more realistic one. (I donāt have to be happy about it, though!) As we know, Jason is proficient with a bow. Heās also insanely large and muscular--so much so that heās definitely living a protein-rich lifestyle. And with the magic of fat rendering, any fat from his kills would be transformed into tallow.
āĀ Jason the Flower Gardener??? You know what? No, he will not be beating the Disney Princess allegations. Not today! Because unless he wants those tallow candles to smell all gamey, he'd scent them. With what? Perfumes. And how would he get perfume? From FLOWERS.
He'd either cultivate an immaculate flower garden or frolic about Camp Crystal Lake in search of wildflowers. Either way, it's the slasher-ghibli mashup no one asked for, but we all needed.
Jason and Lost Pets
āĀ HE'S A DISNEY PRINCESS! Don't even try to tell me he doesn't love animals. Even Kane Hodder said that Jason isn't the type to ever hurt one. And when you live in the middle of nowhere, you're going to encounter dumped pets.
Thus, I present to you...
āĀ Friday the 13th: This Time It's Purrsonal. Not wanting any part of his kills (from deer hunts) to go to waste, Jason would leave scraps out for any hungry animals. Lonely as he is--and overwhelmed by human social relationships--would it be all that surprising when he bonds with them?
This is sending me down an imagination rabbit hole of Jason having to take all his new pets to the vet for spay/neuter, deworming, vaccines, etc., and it's just...the Jason Voorhees is sitting in a waiting room. (And no one is going to do anything because everyone from the area knows better.)
āĀ Mercy for Amazon drivers? Would he let a delivery driver live if they were delivering pet supplies? Or would it just be an extreme version of contactless delivery? Instead of "leave at the door," it's "leave on the side of the road at these coordinates."












