Bonsey

(sang to the tune of "Down to the river to pray")

Looked around and I started to say

How the hell did I end up this way

Went down to the river

And started to bathe

Good Lord show me the way

Oh brothers I've been down

I've been down so very far down

Oh oh brothers I've been down

Down in the gutter these days

As I rose out of the gutter in pain

Reached for the bottle and started to pray

How did I return to my ol ways

Oh Lord save me today

Oh brothers I've been down

I've been down so very far down

Oh oh brothers I've been down

Down in the gutter these days

Through foggy eyes misty and grey

My whole worlds in decay

Humbled and desperate for some change

Lord I need me some faith

Oh conscious it's burned out

Flame hasn't risen in a long time now

Oh oh brothers help me out

I'm down in the gutter these days

Hit my knees to these addictions I pray

Hoping these demons will go away

Holding my hands as they guide me astray

Oh God give me some Grace

No more I scream and shout

I've been down for too long now

Oh brothers help me out

Lift me out of these chains

Oh brothers I've been down

I've been down so very far down

Oh oh brothers I've been down

Down in the gutter these days...

Unchecked,

Unlocked,

Unbridled.....

It rises within...

Bubbling,

Toiling,

Boiling with bile....

It rises within...

Silently,

Quietly,

Vibrating with ire...

It rises within....

Churning,

Burning,

Erupting with desire....

It rises within, the screaming and yelling, are pulling me in, the dreaming and weeping, are coming to an end, it's scolding and steaming, what rises within...

Let it rise in silence....

Down deep inside trying to muffle the impending explosion

Of being trapped inside these 4 walls that are closing

In on my mind from being perpetually lonesome

Off character actions results from reactions from mental health factions that put me in classes with uncontrollable dances with consequences disastrous... No amount of meds can help cope with this mess...

I reach for my outlet

Words flowing from an untapped bottle of rotten whiskey disguised as a functioning brain...

I plead for my palette

Just tears consisting of a new line of colors by pain...

I scream for some relent

All while keeping a quiet smile on my face...

Is it mania?

That keeps pulling...

Is it delirium?

That keeps tearing...

Is it Hysteria?

That keeps pushing me to repeat...

Old habits,

Of seeking comfort and release...

I thought I buried these..!

They just won't stop coming,

These thoughts,

Seeking these cravings,

Of passion and lust,

My mind won't stop roaming,

And feeling her touch...

Her image is faceless as I close my eyes and pretend she's there...

Ripping to shreds

This souls left in wait..

Pounding the head

Routine, day after day...

Feeling the dread

Coming my way....

Why do I live this way?

As if I want it,

I wear these emotions

Sometimes flaunt it...

I carry this notion

Of being wanted

Just to keep going

A little bit longer....

Placet Deo ut me.......